Man Donates Sperm to His Best Friend Behind Wife’s Back
One ‘generous’ husband decided to go behind his wife’s back and donate sperm to his asexual female friend who wanted to have a baby. Problem is, both women now feel they’ve been duped. The wife for not being consulted and the pregnant friend for thinking the wife was okay with it. How would you react in this situation?
The sperm situation was shared on a Reddit thread where it was discovered that the 31 year old married man donated his sperm to his 30-year-old female friend who is asexual and had decided to have a child via IVF.
The mother-to-be wrote in her Reddit post that she always assumed the donor would run it by his wife first. She says she feels like an a**hole” for assuming the wife knew about it and admits that things now feel “weird.” Especially since the donation worked and she is now pregnant with twins!
“My best friend since highschool found out about my plan and how I was looking into finding a donor so it wouldn’t be anonymous and I could vet medical history etc and offered to be the sperm donor as at least I’d know his medical history and any risks there was attached,” she wrote.
“I agreed but made it very clear he wouldn’t be a parental role in the child’s life, at most he’d be an honorary “Uncle” due to our friendship. He was happy to agree to this and it never once occurred to me that he would offer this without running this by his wife first.
I recently took my friend and his wife out to dinner to thank them for doing this for me and celebrate being in the third trimester, but his wife was confused when I explained the reason for the dinner and then angry, demanding to know why we kept this from her.
I was just as shocked and asked my friend if he hadn’t told his wife. He tried to explain to both of us he hadn’t thought it’d matter as he has no rights to them at all. His wife got even angrier at that part, stating she isn’t comfortable with their son (6) having siblings that aren’t really his siblings and she wants that part changed so that her husband has a legal say over the girls.
I was in shock over this but said I wouldn’t be doing that as I wanted to raise them alone. The three of us got into a huge argument and his wife demanded to know why I wouldn’t tell her that her husband had offered this in the first place.
I feel very guilty for not checking with his wife first, but it honestly never occurred to me that he wouldn’t have done that first so I thought if he was offering she had to have already given the ok.
I don’t know what to do,” she said.
Reactions on Reddit were split down the middle. Some agreed with the wife saying she has every right to be angry. While others had a different view.
“The fact that he has a son with his wife makes it even more confusing to me why he wouldn’t have run this by her or at least let her know he planned to do it,” one person wrote.
“You did the right thing by thanking them as a unit, since married couples should be operating as a unit.”
“Sperm donation is a big thing, specially when you’re married and have a kid, and he didn’t discuss it with his wife? Huge a**hole here,” another said.
“I understand the wife being upset about this,” one agreed.
“Her husband definitely should’ve talked this over with her before offering to be a donor.”
While others questions her naivety and how she could possibly not have known.
“A little bit naive and not very intelligent from your part to not make sure before going through with this that his wife was (in) the know and completely on board,” one person said.
“Your friend on the other hand is a complete ahole for not telling his wife he was volunteering for this.”
While one Reddit user was miffed that the wife demanded full parental rights over the child.
“I don’t want to judge your friend’s wife too harshly because I think she reacted from complete shock but demanding parental rights is completely wrong in this situation,” they said.
“The fact that she’s taking ownership over his offspring is so weird to me,” one person wrote.
What would you have done in this situation? We’d be asking how the donation was ‘administered’ to be honest!