Generic selectors
Exact matches only
Search in title
Search in content
Search in posts
Search in pages

Hilarious Reddit Thread About What to Grab if You Were Locked in Bunnings with a Velociraptor Will Make Your Day!

Reddit user @Jeffoh sparked an hilarious discussion in the AskanAustralian group this week when he posed this unlikely, but thought-provoking scenario.

You’re locked in a Bunnings with a Velociraptor and you can only grab one thing from the aisles to save you – what do you get?

The answers did not disappoint! We’ve compiled some of our favourite below for your enjoyment!

Bunnings Hat

A bunnings large straw hat. As I’m exiting and running away from the Velociraptor I hit the big door close button to prevent it escaping but I drop my hat. As the door is lowering I quickly grab it before the door closes Indiana Jones style. (Successful-South-954)

I’d go with the hat too, but I’d put it on the raptor, if I’m gonna go out might as well be to a dapper dinosaur rather than a plain one! (NotJustAnotherHuman)

Sausage Sanger

Sausage Sanger. Throw it to him and escape while he chows down. Noone can resist a Bunnings snag. (Aussiechimp)

Hopefully the Raptor turns up on the weekend (Factal_Fractal)

Yep. Raptors are weekend warriors. (CertainCertainties)

Does it matter if the onions are on top or bottom in this scenario? (WombatTumbler)

Onions on top 😉 (twolitrefullcream)

As the snag sanger hits the floor it releases its deadly caramelised onions on the floor. The velociraptor hits the onions and falls spectacularly, allowing our hero to make their escape. (SicnarfRaxifras)


Velociraptor calls in Slater + Gordon and launches legal proceedings against Bunnings which is forced to close down.

A nation’s husband’s descend into national mourning as they realise they will have to go to Spotlight with their wives rather than hiding in Bunnings pretending to be handymen. (Aussiechimp)

Kids Trolley

One of those tiny baby trolleys with the cute little flag on top

I went to the museum recently and discovered that Velociraptors are half a meter tall, and weigh around 15kilos

They were never the size they are in movies and video games, much to my SHEER disappointment, basically the same crushing feeling as when parents said Santa was a lie. (Bubby_k)

A Staff Member

Staff members, as you can never find them therefore neither could the velociraptor if you were with the staff member. (Competitive_Boss_312)


Me: Excuse me but I’m looking for

Velociraptor: Actually I don’t work here

Me: Oh sorry

Velociraptor: <leaves>. (GoodReason)

Bunnings staff are like a mirage in the desert. You see them at the other end of an aisle and as you approach they vanish. I’ve no idea how they do. (elfloathing)

It’s the shirts. They just disappear into the racking, like Homer Simpson does into the hedge. (Picklestixatix)


Anti-Velociraptor Spray

Velociraptor spray. Aisle six. (Stever72)


Dang online only. (Gazgun7)

Hate it when that happens and you have a raptor on your tail. (louisa1925)

A Power Tool

Definitely be a power tool from the Ozito range. Great value and unbeatable warranty. (cruiserman_80)

The best thing about Ozito is you never have to charge it, as it always breaks before you have to. (nicknacksc)

I hate throwing them away so readily but honestly, at the price, if it kills just one Velociraptor before it breaks, it’s still worth it for that one job. (JazzMonkInSpace)

A real sized velociraptor or a Jurassic park velociraptor? If its the movie ones, a chainsaw for sure. If it’s the size of a real one, ie. Turkey sized, a 1.2m 30mm red oak dowel to use as a club (_BMXICAN)

Pet Food

Large 20kg dog food. Then run as it’s busy eating. (Lonewolf_860)


Another Customer

Find someone that looks slow and tasty and throw them in it’s path while I run away. (Drinksarlot)

Or Their Dog

Someone’s trolley full of dogs. Nobody needs to take a dog to Bunnings. (Willing_Television77)


I’d shelter in the shower stall display (HappySummerBreeze)

I’d grab a seat. They can only detect movement so sit, stay still, wait for the carnage and then the looting begins. (nmklpkjlftmch)


A gas BBQ setup. Hide in the gas bottle compartment. 🤷‍♂️ (inane_musings)

Snacks from the cafe then climb the shelves and have a picnic on top. No way it’s following me with those tiny arms. (Squidproquoagenda)

What one thing would you grab if you were locked in Bunnings with a velociraptor?

Want to get top trending news, recipes, giveaways and the hottest deals delivered straight to your inbox once a week?

* Indicates required

Email Format:



Jolene enjoys writing, sharing and connecting with other like-minded women online – it also gives her the perfect excuse to ignore Mount-Washmore until it threatens to bury her family in an avalanche of Skylander T-shirts and Frozen Pyjama pants. (No one ever knows where the matching top is!) Likes: Reading, cooking, sketching, dancing (preferably with a Sav Blanc in one hand), social media, and sitting down on a toilet seat that one of her children hasn’t dripped, splashed or sprayed on. Dislikes: Writing pretentious crap about herself in online bio’s and refereeing arguments amongst her offspring.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

For security, use of Google's reCAPTCHA service is required which is subject to the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.

I agree to these terms.