Special events such as Father’s Day and Mother’s Day can be the perfect excuse to show your partner how much you love and appreciate them. However, it can also be a source of disappointment and resentment for those who don’t receive the recognition or appreciation they think they deserve. One woman, who wrote into Reddit for advice, wonders if she was in the wrong for gifting her husband a very similar gift to the one he gave her for Mother’s Day. The issue is that despite specifically asking her husband if she could have a much-needed day to herself on Mother’s Day while he took over parenting duties, he bought tickets for her to take the kids out for the day while he stayed at home gaming. That’s right. For Mother’s Day he gifted himself a child-free day. Of course, he didn’t see anything wrong with this until Father’s Day rolled around and his wife reciprocated with a similar ‘gift.’
Me and my husband have been together for the past 9 years, we have two kids, a 8 year old and a 6 year old.
For mothers day all I wanted was a free day, I wanted my husband to take the kids out somewhere for the day so I could be home alone and relax. Instead he got me and the kids tickets to have a fun day out. And it was fun, and me and the kids had a good time but it irked me that he gave me the exact opposite of what I’d asked for.
For father’s day my husband also wanted a free day so he could stay home and game all day. He games all the time with his friends, he’ll get home from work, maybe spend the time between then and dinner with the kids before going up to his office to game for a few hours with friends.
Instead, I got him and the kids cards for an arcade an hour away with a ton of tokens. I gave him the cards during dinner on Saturday so he and the kids could leave early and spend all day playing with them.
I got my free day and he and the kids got to make a lot of memories together. He and I got into a fight when the kids went to bed, he was angry that I ignored what he wanted for Father’s day, I was angry he didn’t see that he’d done the same thing to me on mother’s day. He’s been ignoring me since and won’t accept my apologies.
TLDR: I ignored my husband’s wish to have a “Free day” of fathers day and got him and the kids a day out because he did the same thing to me on mother’s day and now he won’t stop ignoring me or accept my apologies.
Edit: Some people are thinking that me, my husband and our kids went out for Mother’s Day. We didn’t, I took the kids for a day out while he played video games all day with his friends.
Edit: I can’t believe I have to say this: I do not hate, resent or in any other way dislike my children.
My point was not that going on a day out with them is terrible and I hate it. My point was that it really sucks asking for one thing and being given the opposite
People in the comments section were incredulous that the woman was apologizing to the husband at all, and confirmed that despite what the husband thought the two situations were exactly the same.
So you asked for a day to yourself and your husband tried to get two, then he sulks when he gets a taste of his own medicine. I say good on you for showing him exactly what he did to you. (Reasonable_Rich6650)
Make a graph.
Mother’s Day/Fathers day.
Wanted day off/wanted day off
Did not receive day off/did not receive day off
Received day out with kids/Received day out with kids
Spouse got day off/Spouse got day off
When you’re alone with him, hold it up, tell him to explain how it’s different. With facts and logic. Ask if the difference was, that he was happy on Mother’s Day, and unhappy on Father’s Day.
Once you’re able to get him talking, you’re also going to have to discuss how it’s not appropriate to give your spouse the silent treatment, on top of the Not-Coolness of him acting like he’s the only human being with feelings that matter in your marriage. (miladyelle)
Many commenters didn’t buy the idea that he didn’t knowingly orchestrate his Mother’s day gift to benefit himself.
There is no way he didn’t know what he was doing when he set up a day with you and the kids on Mother’s Day without him around. Or, I guess maybe he’s legitimately INSANE.
I feel crazy reading these comments accusing you of resenting your kids or being a bad wife for getting petty. Like yeah. It was petty. People get petty when they’re mistreated and taken advantage of. And now he’s lying to you and saying it’s not the same and not what he was trying to do? Please.
Any husband with half a brain knows that Mother’s Day is a holiday the father/husband participates in actively. Not just planning, or buying. But is present. With you, with the kids, trying to give you time off. It’s what he wanted for father’s day, he knew it’s what you wanted for mother’s day.
Yeah it was petty. I would be petty, too, if my partner got me an obligation and got themselves a day of rest. You two need to talk it out, but he needs to own up to what he did. (bad-acid)
The woman later revealed her husband’s reasoning on why he didn’t consider it the same thing. “He said that since I’m a stay at home mom that it was easier for me to watch the kids on Mother’s Day then it was for him on Father’s Day.”
What kind of messed up logic is that? Surely because she is with the children all of the time she deserves more of a break, and he should be more inclined to enjoy some quality family time with his children!
Wow. FUCK that. Your husband is a selfish ass. He has zero idea how hard it is to be a full time mom. Sounds like he expects you to do all the parenting AND emotional labor in your relationship while he neglects your wants and needs, neglects to help you with the kids or be fully present in your lives, and dicks around gaming for hours every damn day. Mother’s Day is supposed to be about YOU, not what he thinks is “easier” for you so he can justify disregarding you yet again and stay home alone with his games. And now he’s ignoring you?? You have an extra child where a responsible, caring adult should be. Why do you accept this? I’d have been out the door years ago. Time for him to grow up and show up. The kids, the emotional labor — none of this should be your burden to shoulder alone. Why does he feel entitled to alone time you don’t get? Why can’t he see or own up to what he did to you? Why is it okay when he does it, but terrible when you do? And how is stonewalling you an appropriate response as an adult husband and father? The mental gymnastics are astounding. (Predd1tor)
Other commenters questioned whether the woman communicated her feelings at the time, or instead decided to play tit for tat and take revenge on him later.
Did you ever sit your husband down at any point in time after Mother’s Day and before Father’s Day and ask him “Why’d you give me this certificate instead of the ‘Day to Myself’ that I specifically asked for?” Or did you just jump straight to “Well I’ll show him” mode?
Because if your own spouse does something you don’t like and you don’t/can’t call him out on it – there’s a problem. You HAVE to be able to talk about things like this – not get revenge to make a point. (CatelynsCorpse)
While some people counselled the woman to communicate with her husband others pointed out that his sulking and refusal to talk were very manipulative and giving him a taste of his own medicine was the best way to get through to him.
If he’s giving you the silent treatment because he got the same gift he gave you then enjoy the silence. Pretend you don’t notice that he’s not speaking to you. People who do that do it because they want to manipulate you into begging them to talk to you. Don’t give him the response he wants or he will forever use this tactic over and over. If he says anything further about how he wanted a free day remind him he got exactly that on Mother’s Day. (Jen5872)
What do you think? Do you think the wife was petty for seeking revenge or was she entitled to a day off on Father’s Day?