It’s strange in this day and age to think that people, never mind a woman, would still treat periods as taboo. But, judging by the reaction of one mum when her daughter got her first period while staying at her friend’s house, not everyone got the memo that they are a natural bodily function that women and girls shouldn’t be ashamed of!
Writing into Reddit for advice one father explains how one woman lost her ever-loving shit because he had calmed down her very upset daughter after she got her first period and stained her friend’s mattress.
My daughter (11F) is friends with Julia (11F), they met at january.
At least once a month, my daughter sleeps at Julia’s house, she has never slept at home because we live in another city and it is much easier for her to stay straight at Julia’s house and we pick her up sunday.
This month we invited her to spend the weekend at home as we were having a barbecue. She agreed and so did her mother (who I will call Maria). We have a friendly relationship with Maria where we exchange quick messages, we are not best friends, but we trust each other
It was agreed that Julia would stay from Friday night until Sunday afternoon and Maria would pick her up.
Today, my wife went out to do some shopping and I stayed with the girls.
My daughter screamed my name and when I got close, she said that Julia was on her period and was crying and that she didn’t know what to do. But she had taught her how to put on the pad (she already had her period).
I’m not an expert on this subject, but I talked to her to calm her down, asking if it was hurting, if she was feeling anything and explaining that it was something natural in the female body and that there was nothing wrong. It was a good 10 minutes before she calmed down because she was apologizing because she had stained the mattress etc.
After I saw that she relaxed, I called my wife to come to the house as soon as possible (to help me) and then I called Maria, explaining the situation and what I had done to help.
She was very rude and said she was coming to get her.
When she arrived and Julia was in the car, she started saying that she thought it was inappropriate for me to have talked to her daughter and that it should have at least been my wife talking and not a man and that I crossed all possible boundaries.
I tried to explain by saying that I just calmed down a child who had no idea what menstruation was and freaking out. She said that even so, me being the father of a friend of hers was not appropriate to have this type of conversation.
She left an hour ago and I’m lost. AITA?
Added: Maria wouldn’t be here so early if I called as soon as I found out (30 minutes by road)
Suffice to say, nobody (except the girl’s mother), thought that the concerned dad had done anything wrong in this situation.
NTA. It’s stupid to say that only women can talk to about periods. You did the right thing and I’m sure if you were a woman and Julia was a little boy having some kind of boy problem that you knew about, you’d try to help them too. (synchrhighway)
Nta. If Julia was okay talking to you, that’s all that matters. It wouldn’t have been fair to have her sit there for 30 minutes scared if there was someone there who could calm her down sooner. The fact that your daughter is comfortable calling you for help with these matters shows you are good at handling sensitive issues just fine. (Creighton2023)
Commenters thought that it was the mother’s old-fashioned views and failure to prepare her daughter for this milestone that was the issue, not the way the man dealt with it.
Leaving Julia alone for half an hour having a breakdown would be stupid. You did the right thing comforting her and talking to her about things her own mother clearly didn’t. The conversation was not inappropriate in any way. Just because an old fashioned, sexist person thinks that periods are not to be discussed about or even mentioned by males does not make you an AH for helping someone. (Seraphina)
Exactly. I think that the mother is just embarrassed that she never talked to Julia and now everyone knows she didn’t. Some mothers do this to try to keep their daughters as “little girls” as long as possible, but this conversation should have been had 2 years ago. OP didn’t give any of the gory details; he only told her it was natural. That was very age-appropriate. (Either_Recover8786)
NTA – you were doing what you could to comfort a young girl who was panicking because she didn’t understand why she was bleeding.
You simply told her it was natural and called your wife and Julia’s mother. Julia’s mother owes you an apology, and one to her daughter for not preparing her for what was coming. (Comfortable-Sea-2454)
Another commenter shared a personal story of being comforted by her friend’s dad in a similar situation, affirming that the girl was likely very grateful for the kind and supportive way he handled the situation.
Poor girl. 🙁
I started my period at my best friend’s house. All of the kids were in bed and I went to the bathroom and just sat on the toilet bleeding. Her dad was awake and when I didn’t come out, he asked if I was alright, told me where the pads were and made me hot chocolate and sat up with me until I fell asleep on the couch. It was not weird at all. Of course, the two key differences here are that my mother had already provided me with the necessary information and I was very well acquainted with my bestie’s dad; our families swapped children back and forth relatively frequently. So I can’t say for certain that I would not have been mortified in a situation more like Julia’s, but I do believe that his handling of it helped make an awful experience bearable and normalize something many people find taboo. I’m grateful that he didn’t wake up one of the girls or call my mother in the middle of the night. It was just a normal thing that happened instead of an ordeal. (CannibalisticVampyre)
What do you think? Would you be uncomfortable with a man reassuring your daughter in this situation, or did he overstep a boundary?