An angry dad has taken to Reddit to ask if his feelings are justified after his 20-year-old daughter hid her pregnancy from him until after her baby was born. This alone would be hard to take, particularly since she lives with him and he’s been sympathetic about her losing her job and supporting her. But, things got decidedly worse, when she admitted her reason for keeping her pregnancy a secret.
My 20 year old daughter lives with me (m47). She has a boyfriend Gary (20m) who currently lives with his own parents. She lost her job over COVID and has felt to sad since then to look for a new one. I’m not sure if Gary has ever worked but he doesn’t now, mostly he just sits around my house playing X-Box and eating my food. I’m not Gary’s biggest fan, but my daughter loves him so I tolerate him and have always been polite to him.
About a month ago, she went missing for a little over 3 days. While she does go out a fair bit without telling me, this was a lot longer than usual. I rang her mother and messaged Gary and any of her friends I could think of, and no one had seen her. Eventually Gary responded with a picture of a baby and ‘Say hello to your grandson!’ She had never even told my ex-wife or I that she was pregnant (for context, she’s a bigger girl and had put on a couple of extra kilos over the last couple of months. While it seems obvious now in retrospect, at the time it just seemed like normal weight gain).
She and Gary bought the baby back to our house some time the next day while I was at work. When I got home, I asked her why she wouldn’t tell me something like this, and she said it’s because she wanted Gary to move in with us, and she knew if she’d asked before the baby was born I would have said no and that she and Gary need to get themselves sorted, both get jobs, and find their own place to live before the baby comes (she’s probably not wrong). But if she waited until he was born then I’d have to say yes to Gary moving in because what kind of monster would keep their grandson from living with their father?
I was so mad at her reason for hiding it that I yelled at her, saying that it was an incredibly manipulative thing for her to do, and I was too angry at the moment to give her an answer about Gary. I told her I needed time to process and think, and asked her not to talk to me for a little while.
She rang her mother in tears. My ex then rang me to ask how I could be so cold, and tell me that I was ruining what should be an exciting and magical time for her, my daughter, Gary and myself. She said I’d look back on this in years and feel terrible that I spent the first days of my firstborn grandchild’s life making everyone upset by being angry at my daughter and her boyfriend and stalling their plans to live together with the baby.
I feel like I’m justified in being angry about them intentionally trying to manipulate me, but everyone around me seems to think I don’t have a valid reason for being bothered in the first place, and that I need to get over it, move on and let them live together. AITA?
Commenters were stunned that the new mum was so blatant about her manipulative intent.
Wow. Just wow. It’s not often people admit their manipulation right to your face like that. Wait until you find out they were trying for the baby and it wasn’t an accident, because I’d bet money that’s coming.
Can they move in with mom? Sounds like she’s just itching to have them. Or move into Gary’s parents’ house?
NTA. Having that news all dropped on you at once is huge.
If there’s no other place for your daughter to go, I do hope you let her stay, though, for the baby’s sake. But I’d tell her no overnights with Gary. If she wants to be a happy family with him, they should have gotten jobs years ago, but at the very least Gary needs to get his act together now and get one do they can rent their own happy family home eventually. (EinsTwo)
That was incredibly manipulative and deceitful on their part. It sounds like your ex wife is just in baby mode, not reality. You are not stealing any “ magical times” by your reaction. They didn’t make it magical in the first place, they used this strategically to get their way. And the fact that they know you would have held them accountable to acting like adults and avoided it, speaks volumes. They should go to someone who will support their delusions- like ex wife or Gary’s house. It is insulting to you that they tried to pull this type of stunt. (Mountain_Score2402)
Indeed, we have to wonder how the ex-wife’s tune might have changed if it was her house they were attempting to invade.
Wtf?! Send Gary and your daughter to her mother’s. Then call in a month and see if the 4 of them are having a “magical” time. (divine01)
Many people counselled OP not to allow the pair to move into his home together, pointing out that they’ll likely have no motivation to move out if he does.
Don’t let him move in. Allow visitation. This will allow him to see his kid but light a fire under their ass to get out of your house. No overnights.
If you let him move in you’re screwed. She will be pregnant again in a year and they will never leave.
Maybe your ex-wife can take them in? She seems pretty excited about their terrible decision for some reason. (2Whom_it_May_Concern)
People were also baffled as to why Gary hadn’t got off his butt and found a job, since he knew the babies arrival was imminent.
NTA Flipping heck. Incredibly manipulative of the pair of them. They should have been honest from the onset.
Gary should have started looking for a job prior to the baby’s birth.
He doesn’t have to move in. He can search for a job and visit. Once he’s got a job they can move in together. (Amimehere)
NTA. Gary knew about the baby. And instead of stepping up and getting a job to pay for this kid, he has the audacity to mooch off you and eat your food. Diapers are expensive, my guess is that they are going to ask you to buy them a LOT of baby items.
It’s one thing to help family, but they took this to a whole new level. They are taking advantage of you, and you need to put your foot down now. Don’t pay for anything. It’s gonna suck and they will throw a fit.
Their plan was to manipulate you into helping them pay for things and having a free place to live. That’s not normal behavior for an adult.
Also stop buying the guy food. Boyfriend is an immature idiot. 🙄 (b3lindseyb3)
What do you think? What would you do in this man’s position?