If you’ve ever attended a surprise wedding you’ll know that the way it usually works is all of the guests are invited to, lets say a birthday, or some other celebration, only to find when they arrive that the hosting couple are actually tying the knot! These kind of surprise weddings are enormous fun for everyone! However, one man decided to put a bizarre twist on the idea of a surprise wedding, and tell everyone except the bride-to-be. In fact, this guy, in his infinite wisdom, even decided to skip the engagement part of getting married!

I know right! What could possibly go wrong?

Taking to Reddit, the bamboozled recipient of this insane plan, asked if she was somehow in the wrong for not wanting to go through with the plan, and leaving her boyfriend feeling embarrassed when she walked out. I’ll let you read her story, and then you can be the judge of whether this was a romantic gesture gone wrong, or a gross attempt at manipulation.

Last week, I (30F) was invited to a supposedly fancy party by my longtime boyfriend, Mark (32M). We had been dating for five years, and while we had discussed marriage before, there were no immediate plans for a wedding.

Excited about the event, I dressed up in my best attire and arrived at the designated venue. As I entered the grand hall, I was completely taken aback to see all of our family, friends, and acquaintances gathered, eagerly waiting. It turns out, Mark had orchestrated an elaborate surprise wedding for us without my knowledge.

Everyone erupted into applause as I stood there, shocked and overwhelmed. I just felt a mix of emotions. While I love Mark and had dreamed of our future together, the idea of getting married without any prior discussion or consent felt like a breach of trust.

So, I pulled Mark aside and tried to express my concerns and reservations about the surprise wedding. I explained that I wanted a say in the planning process, to be part of the decision-making, and to have the chance to prepare mentally and emotionally for such a significant milestone in our lives.

However, Mark dismissed my concerns, saying that he thought it would be a romantic gesture and that I would be thrilled. In that moment, I faced a difficult choice go along with the surprise wedding, putting on a smile despite feeling unsettled, or stand up for my autonomy and voice my true feelings. I ultimately made the decision not to proceed with the surprise wedding, much to the disappointment and confusion of our guests.

Now, I find myself at odds with Mark, our families, and even some of our friends who believe I overreacted and spoiled a beautiful moment. However, I firmly believe that a marriage should be a joint decision, with open communication and shared expectations.

Everyone’s excuse for this is I have always talked about marrying Mark. And again the problem isn’t marrying him, the problem is not having any say in my wedding. Mark thought I’d appreciate it, because I always spoke about how stressful planning a wedding must be. Yes, I think its stressful, it is but I’d still like planning one!

After this whole ordeal everyone asked if Mark and I were ending things, in which I replied no. I emphasized towards them and Mark I still wanted to marry him, and most feel like this is making me more of an asshole since I just wasted a perfectly fine wedding.

So AITA for refusing to attend my own surprise wedding, even though it was intended as a romantic gesture?

Firstly, I find it bizarre that apparently not one of the guests at any stage pulled Mark aside and asked him to consider whether throwing a surprise wedding was a truly good idea. In fact, they were ‘disappointed’ and ‘confused’ when she decided not to proceed and think she ‘overreacted and spoiled a beautiful moment.” WTAF!

As usual, commenters weighed in with their opinions.

“Surprise! You’re getting married today!” I can’t imagine ANYONE liking that. It’s an insane thing to do.

A surprise proposal? MAYBE and definitely not without having had a serious discussion about it first. A surprise wedding? A man would have to be out of his mind to think that was a good idea. (Helpful-Literature73)

Clearly he added 2 + 2 and got 5, missing the very important variable of personal autonomy. Sounds like they needed a few more conversations before he threw a whole wedding that everyone knew about except the bride. That just sounds humiliating, like you don’t get a say in your own life or the opportunity to mentally prepare for a life changing moment but with an added pressure of everyone you know watching.  (SellQuick)

Crass and absolutely atrocious truly. Especially considering the OP wanted to get married and have a big wedding. He left her out completely. She didn’t get to choose her bridal party, or dress, or even who was going to be there. He took zero consideration into what she wanted for what she feels is a huge once in a lifetime experience for her.

He created a nightmare. (Junroku)

Whilst some considered the mans actions those of a romantic idiot that hadn’t quite thought things through properly, others pointed out that his behaviour was a red flag, signalling more toxic traits.

To me, he’s the AH not because he did it but because of how he refused to listen to her once the surprise was sprung. He put her in a position where there was a huge amount of pressure on her all at once, even more so than with a surprise proposal. (BanjaxedMini)

His blatant disregard for boundaries is astounding. This is just the beginning. (jonquil14)

A wedding that the other party doesn’t know about isn’t a surprise, it’s an ambush. It’s entrapment (AdmiralCheesecake)

We have to admit, this whole thing gives us serious ick vibes!

What would you do if your partner sprang a surprise wedding on you like this? Would you love it or run for the hills?