Whilst in theory Mother’s Day is a special day when mums should be spoiled and made to feel appreciated, for many women, it can be a source of pain and disappointment, for a range of reasons. It’s not just single mums who miss out on being made a fuss of either. As we learn from stories such as this, ome women are married to men who don’t value the hard work that their partner puts into parenting and running a home, and are straight up selfish, useless or both. But what do you do with a husband that wants to celebrate his mother ALL day and thinks that you are the selfish one for wanting some of the day to be about you?

Just had a heated discussion about this so need come clarity for strangers of the internet. This is a quick post on my mobile so please forgive typos.

My husband has a tradition of celebrating mother’s day with his mother. He normally goes all out with gifts, a fancy dinner and spending most of the day with her. I normally have plans with my mother so it had never been a problem.

After I had our first child I thought things would change a bit. But they didn’t. His mother is the focus of the day, and all activities revolve around her. We are very different people and I don’t enjoy what she does. Now that we have 2 young children it’s really getting to me. Each mother’s day is the same as a usual Sunday with the exception that his mum is always round either from the night before or he goes to collect her. When he collects her that means he spends 4 hours of the day driving there and back and I’m with the kids.

Most Mother’s Days we spend the day as a multi generational group with my mum as well doing stuff the grandmums or kids love. So it’s time in the park, kid friendly restaurants, shopping and back home. This isn’t much different from a usual day with the grandparents. I will keep this quick.

In contrast on Father’s day, I get up early to get breakfast, myself and the kids ready. We go excursion, eat at his favourite restaurant and basically do everything to make a fuss of him. My father is not around so there has never been a co conflict.

This year I suggested, we do the usual on Mother’s day and then the following Sunday I get to sleep in and we have a family day based on what I enjoy and eat at my favourite restaurant. My husband thinks I’m missing the point and the day isn’t about me as the new mum. It’s about all the mums in the family celebrating together.

AITA for wanting a second Mother’s Day where I’m the focus without his mother?

It won’t surprise you to know how the voting went for this! People were dumbstruck by his attitude towards the mother of his children.

NTA. You’re not asking him or his mom to sacrifice ANYTHING. You’re literally just asking for a separate day when you get to sleep in and have a family day. That’s beyond reasonable.

His response of “it’s not about you as a new mom” added to the fact that you’re just asking to sleep in one day (I assume that’s a rarity for you??) makes me suspect that your husband is not an especially supportive or validating partner. Yuck. (MindDeep2823)

The majority of commenters agreed that the course of action she should take was obvious – STOP. MAKING. A. FUSS. OF HIM. ON. FATHER”S. DAY! Full stop. End of story!

NTA

The solution is to stop making Father’s Day a big deal.

When your children are young it’s up to the other parent to support them in celebrating Mother’s Day/Father’s Day. Your husband’s stance that Mother’s Day isn’t about you, it’s about all mothers in the abstract (and his mom) is dismissive and mean. He gets a day to be celebrated by your young children as a family because YOU make it happen. He can’t have it both ways and abdicate that role towards you. Either your nuclear family celebrates Mother’s Day AND Father’s Day or not at all.

Your husband is being an asshole. (verseas-mango)

Yes, let the kids make him a fathers day card and give it to him. The end. He’s not your father, so don’t buy him anything. For trips go to the grocery store, no special trips, for supper/dinner sandwiches. Enjoy his day. But I’m petty. (Zibellina)

Cut it way back like next to none. Clearly he is refusing/failing to recognize that YOU ARE A MOTHER. And deserve appreciation as well. If he fails to see and recognize your role in your children’s lives, you should do the same. (Material_Cellist4133)

Instead of that, have you considered spending the day with your mom or friends in memory of your father? Your husband can take care of the kids.  (celloecho)

Others pointed out that whilst it’s nice to acknowledge your mother on Mother’s Day as an adult, the day is really more focussed on the mothers who are currently child wrangling and need a well-deserved break.

Yeah, I mean, in our family, Mothers Day is for the mothers who are actually raising children and need the break.

I’m an old grandma, and I don’t raise kids anymore, so I appreciate a card from my son, but his job is to give his wife a good Mother Day.

It should be OP who gets Mothers Day. His mom can be the one who waits. She’s not raising kids anymore. (This-Ad-2281)

Now that I’m a mother, the expectation I have is that my husband will spend the day with me, the mother of his child. He can spend the day before celebrating with his mother, and I can celebrate with mine. But both of them already have decades of mothers days where they were the focus. It’s my turn now (sorry if that sounds selfish). (IntroductionKindly33)

Mothers Day is for the moms in the trenches! (halcyon3608)

What do you think?