What would you do if your mother-in-law insisted on inviting your husband’s ex to your baby shower? One pregnant woman has found herself in this uncomfortable and stressful situation, and has turned to the internet for advice on how to deal with it.

AITA for not wanting my MIL to invite my husband’s ex to my baby shower? There are some very strange dynamics but basically, my husband’s ex is very, very close to my MIL and extended family. We see Ex once a year at a family gathering and are totally civil. She was a part of their family long before I came around. She also treats me coldly and pretends like I’m not in the room. I don’t know that she’s malicious, probably just awkward. She was abusive towards my husband but MIL doesn’t know that.

MIL offered to throw me a baby shower. Because my own mother is abusive, I thought it might be nice to let someone throw a party for me. After some planning MIL messaged me to say she was adding ex to the guest list. I messaged her back to say my husband and I had thought about it and won’t be inviting her.

MIL responded saying it’s my shower so I don’t have to do anything I don’t want but … then three paragraphs about how our kids are going to grow up alongside her kids blah blah blah. That ex has already purchased gifts for “this baby” and to please have my husband send ex a message saying she won’t be invited.

If I threw this shower myself I would just not invite her and not talk to her about it. We see her once a year and texting her to tell her she can’t come sounds like CREATING conflict.

If I don’t invite her, I’ve now been made to sound like the immature one who wants to blow up the family.

If I suck it up and just invite her I feel like this shower is no longer about me but about MIL’s desire to play peace maker. Which I have no interest in.

Am I the asshole? I’ve been up all night stressing about how to handle this without blowing things up.

Edit: husband and ex have no children together.

People in the comments section advised the mum-to-be that now was the time to start setting firm boundaries with her mother-in-law

Get comfy being the bad guy. Just because mil is close with her doesn’t mean you are or need to be. Tell her no. (Blownouthamwallet)

“sorry MIL I’ve decided to throw my own shower and your help is no longer needed, I’ll send you an invite, no plus one is included” (Happycatlady1982)

OP-You got it right, this shower isn’t about you. If you want your marriage to succeed you need to take control now and arrange your own baby shower with your guest list not MILs.

Yup – MIL is definitely trying to set you and ex against each other – for drama? To make her look good in the middle because she’s playing peacemaker – but isn’t? – who knows but MIL definitely needs to stay in her lane and out of your business. (Sassy_Peanut)

Many people agreed that the best course of action in this circumstance was to take the responsibility for throwing the party away from her mother-in-law, so that she had no say in who was invited. It was clear to everyone that her husband’s mum was being highly manipulative, and it should be nipped in the bud now so that she didn’t continue this behaviour into the future.

I see MIL has basically told her that she will be invited. That is a funny trick, force you to comply by making you insecure how uninviting his ex would make you look like.

If you give in, there will be more things like that in the future. It does not matter how it makes you look like. People who care about you will understand when you explain the situation. As for those that do not care about you, their opinion doesn’t matter. In fact you need to be firm and make it clear they can’t force things on you.

The message should be simple. You only want your close friends and family at your baby shower and she is neither, so you do not want her to come. (Gosc101)

This is a bs move on your mil’s part.  Your mil invited the ex knowing full well that she was unwelcome and if that invitation had been sent it’s her job to uninvite the ex.  

I would recommend cancelling this baby shower, scheduling another one on another day and either you and your husband organizing it or ground some friends to help. Cut your mil out of the process.  Nta (HarveySnake)

Other people thought that her husband should step up and deal with his mother on her behalf, as being pregnant, she doesn’t need the added stress.

Time for hubs to step in and lay down the law with mum. Considering your background and the fact you are pregnant, he isn’t doing enough to maintain your well being. (writerspie)

What do you think? How would you deal with things if you were in this situation?