One man has taken to Reddit to ask if he took things a little too far after his mother tried to railroad his pregnant wife into using the names that she herself had chosen for their unborn baby. Whilst it’s not unusual for family members to throw in their two-cents worth and not-so-subtly mention names that they like, this man’s mother took things to a whole new level – refusing to take no for an answer.
My mom is being the MIL in law from hell to my wife right now and I snapped at her recently over this and have laid some boundaries down, but I am questioning my reaction to her.
So my wife Kenzie (25f) and I (25m) have been married for just over a year and we’re expecting our first child this year. This will be my parents first grandchild and this has caused some craziness from my mom. She has aimed most of this at Kenzie but I did step in when I learned how pushy my mom became. This started right after our pregnancy announcement. My mom went to Kenzie and told her we should name our child Rodger if we had a boy and Elizabeth if we have a girl. Rodger was my mom’s grandfather and she wanted to name me or one of my brothers Rodger but dad vetoed the name every time. Elizabeth is her favorite girl name and my dad vetoed that for my sister’s too. Kenzie told her we weren’t really looking for name suggestions and we had discussed a few already. My mom told her the names were important and should be used.
A couple of weeks after the first incident my mom asked Kenzie if she knew whether baby Rodger or baby Elizabeth was joining the family. Kenzie told her neither of those names were in the running and we didn’t know yet.
Kenzie mentioned mom bringing up the names to me then but downplayed how pushy she was being so I said nothing at that point.
But unbeknownst to Kenzie and her husband the grandmother-to-be was not deterred from her mission of naming her grandchild. In fact, she planned to force them to use the name by announcing it publicly. This is where things get really weird!
We learned we were having a boy and my mom became so pushy that she ordered blankets and clothes with the name Rodger embroidered on them. The first we knew of this is when she gave us a little door decoration with the name Rodger on it. I told my mom then that we hadn’t finalized a name yet and wouldn’t be announcing it until after he’s here anyway.
She went to Kenzie yet again and told her she was pissing her off by refusing to comply. They argued about it and Kenzie told me about it afterward. I went to talk to my mom and make some things clear and she asked why nobody in this family wanted to use the names she loved. I told her that was something she should work through herself because we are not obligated to use them for her.
She then sent a gift package with all the clothes and blanket with the name Rodger and she sent them to my wife and posted them on social media. This made people assume we had chosen the name Rodger. This is when I lost it and went over to confront her about the pushiness. She told me it was important to take her opinion on board as my mom and our son’s grandma. And that’s when I told her she had zero rights to name our baby and her opinion wasn’t wanted or important here. My mom told me it was rude to dismiss her opinion and her feelings as unimportant and I should have more respect for her.
It made me realize we need space from her right now but also I do wonder if I went too far. AITA?
We’ve heard of some pushy mother-in-law’s in our time, but this is certainly one of the more extreme examples! The fact that he even has to ask if he is the one at fault suggests that he is so used to his mother’s boundary-stomping behaviour that he feels uncomfortable questioning it.
Fortunately, the good folks of Reddit were only too happy to put him straight on a few things.
Oh honey, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Her entitlement to this baby because he’s your child (and you belong to her) is in full flow. She sees herself more important than his mommy.
NTA. You didn’t go too far. You didn’t go far enough. She has to learn that any boundary stomping or disrespect to your wife’s authority as this baby’s mom is going to have consequences. And those consequences are going to be that she won’t have the grandmother experience you were hoping for.
Start by saying to her, (don’t text her, call her) that you have asked your wife to block her number in her phone. You will deal with any communication from now on because mom can’t be respectful to your wife. Make it clear that the only person you care about at the moment is your wife and you will always put her first. (rebootsaresuchapain)
When she said “you should have more respect for me”, what she actually meant was “you need to give in to my demand”. (Comfortable_Owl_5938)
After making completely certain that the man knew that he had probably not gone far enough and needed to set clear boundaries with his mum to protect his wife and their child, commenters began to offer advice on how he might proceed.
NTA and it’s your mom who’s gone too far. Tell her that Rodger is definitely off the table as far as names go, and she needs to let it go. Any more of that behavior from her will result in you contacting her physician about your concerns for her mental health, as she seems to be under the illusion that she’s having a baby with you. (Ok_Conversation9750)
NTA. try something like this – she will either back off or she will go nuclear. either way you get your answer.
mom. you need stop harassing my pregnant wife and causing stress to her and the baby. it is not appreciated and if you continue with this you will be removed from our, and the babys, life until you can act like an adult. (Arkayenro)
I think posting the blankets on socials so everyone else would assume it’s the baby’s name – is nuclear!
I’d make her sound like she had dementia on my socials.
“Hey everyone there’s been a bit of confusion about our baby’s name. Just wanted to confirm that we haven’t announced our baby’s name, but it’s definitely not Roger. I’m really not sure where mum got that from but just wanted to clear it up incase anyone was wondering!” (Iforgotmypassword126)
What do you think? What is the couple’s best course of action moving forward with his mother?