One woman has taken to Reddit to ask if she is in the wrong for trying to help her 15-year-old niece who is getting bullied by girls at school for having excessive facial hair. The problem is that the girl’s mother is opposed to conforming to societies body standard for women, and doesn’t understand why her daughter would want to ‘waste money’ trying to remove her ‘extensive facial hair.’

I come from a family of VERY hairy, and very fair skinned women.

The hair is thick, and very dark. Hair removal has always been a common topic of discussion amongst us all throughout our lives, many of my aunts, siblings and cousin have spent tons on laser hair removal over the years. And when I say hairy, I mean facial hair, back hair, stomach hair, that would be more common on your average man.

My youngest sister is your crunchy granola, all-natural type.

Doesn’t shave, thinks it’s a double standard and hypocritical, all bodies are beautiful, all that stuff and I support her in that. Be happy in your own skin.

Well I am not one who particularly cares much about it either and only shave on special occasions, I am also very well aware how cruel kids can be, as I definitely experienced a ton of bullying throughout my life for it and it took me well into adulthood to get comfortable with it.

My sister’s daughter has the hairy gene, and I suspect possibly some kind of hormonal issue.

At 14 she has extensive facial hair, including from her chin to her neck, that in some spots is thicker than your average arm hair.

My sister allows her to shave only from the knee down, and she will also shave her face, but she tents to get razor burn and a 5 o’clock shadow.

My sister refuses to allow her to “waste money on satisfying society’s unfair beauty standards.”

Anyways, my niece asked me to take her. She says she is bullied constantly at school, and she is super self-conscious, she was crying as she told me about it.

She even once got chemical burns on her face after sneaking Nair out of her friends moms bathroom in the middle of the night and trying to use it.

I asked my sister if I could take her and she said no, and went on about how I shouldn’t be forcing my beauty standards on her daughter.

I actually don’t personally care what her daughter does about it, but she was obviously really struggling with it, so when she asked again because she had her first high school dance coming up, and she wanted to look “normal”(her words), I took her to get waxed without telling my sister.

She obviously lost her stuff on me, saying I over stepped and had no right to overrule her as a parent.

I told her letting her daughter be miserable so she could prove a point to society made her a bad mom.

AITA

Whilst it’s generally acknowledged that you shouldn’t interfere in someone else’s parenting choices as long as the child is safe and loved, on this occasion most people thought that the mum’s refusal to allow her daughter to remove the hair was potentially psychologically damaging.

“My principles are more important than your feelings and mental health” is basically the message that this woman is sending to her daughter. Absolutely ridiculous. (EmperorSwagg)

NTA your sister is forcing her beauty standards on her daughter. 15 is old enough to make decisions on your appearance. (ZealousidealRice8461)

Commenters who had personal experience with unwanted body hair were very sympathetic to the teenager’s plight.

As a formerly hairy teenager I wish wish wish someone had done this for me. In my case it wasn’t a crunchy granola mom it was a conservative mom who didn’t want me to grow up too fast. Which, you know, biology doesn’t care what you want mom. Puberty is here in all it’s hairy glory.

Another concern was that I wanted to shave to attract boys when in reality the whole reason I wanted to shave was because of the girls because they were the only ones who noticed my hair…pointedly 😭 (Hour_As5972)

Ugh I was soooo hairy, even as a preteen, and my mom wouldn’t let me shave until after I got my period, even though I was being bullied. She’s also the conservative type, and a bit obsessive about things matching her timeline. So I had to go bike to CVS to find maxi pads at 12 by myself because she thought I only needed panty liners, even though I bled through them every 2 hours. Found out I had pcos when I was 15 and she still hesitated to put me on bc because it would “encourage me to have sex.” I bust out the tweezers minimum twice a week for my face.

Girl, continue helping your niece feel pretty. We’re not our parents, and she deserves every chance to avoid childhood trauma. (Life-Jicama-6760)

People thought that the auntie should be commended for looking out for her niece in this situation, as her mother was clearly unable or unwilling to acknowledge the detrimental effect it was having on her daughter.

The adults in her life can guide her, or she can go it alone and hurt herself trying to figure it out. (Pristine_Table_3146)

Every girl needs a safe adult woman (or three) to turn to for issues they don’t want to go to their mom with. I have a deal with a family friend that we are safe havens for each other’s daughters. We trust each other enough to hand off authority for these kinds of things while keeping them quiet from each other if necessary. Obviously there are limits to this, but really we’ve just stated outright what women have always done. I went to my favorite sister and sil. My nieces came to me.

OP did the right thing. (SidewaysTugboat)

NTA.

I agree that we shouldn’t have to conform our body in ways to be socially acceptable and we should feel comfortable in our own skin.

However, your niece isn’t comfortable. She’s being bullied and even went to the extent of trying to do something about it and got chemical burns on her face.

It’s a shame that your niece couldn’t find the support in her own mother, that her mother was fine with her being bullied, and didn’t comfort her when she needed it. Instead she placed her beauty standards on her daughter when it was obvious she didn’t agree to them. Good on you, though, for being her support and helping her to feel beautiful in her own way. (lilbitsofsophie)

NTA! As a someone who has PCOS and the excess hair to go with it, I can definitely reassure you that your niece is appreciative of what you did regardless of how your sister may be feeling. Growing up (and even to this day) I worried about how noticeable the excess hair was since I was bullied for it relentlessly. As an adult, when talking to my mother about getting laser hair removal for my face, I made a comment that she never offered to help me with it growing up by exploring laser, waxing, etc. She told me that she thought it didn’t bother me. Your sister is choosing to ignore something that is probably so important to her daughter, even the fact that the poor girl burned herself while trying to use Nair should clue her into this being more than societal beauty standards. (amazonian_daisy)

Did you overstep your sister’s boundary? Yes, you did. Did you also do something kind for your niece? Yes, you did. In your sister’s eyes you are probably an asshole. But in your nieces eyes you’re probably her hero. (analectric)

People also suggested that the excessive hair was likely a symptom of a medical condition, and rather than ignoring it, her mother should be taking her to see a doctor or gynaecologist.

NTA. Your niece has hirsutism. Maybe PCOS, but who knows yet. She has to have that checked. Trust me, it’s excruciatingly bad. (ifreakinglovedinos)

What do you think? Would you go against another parent’s wishes in a situation like this?