New Zealand teacher Chris Valli had the teaching and education world at his feet. After transitioning from primary to secondary in 2019 his teaching career hit rock bottom when he took a smart phone off a student which became an investigation. He was subsequently deregistered as a teacher in January 2024. However, Chris decided to tell his own truths and wrote a memoir called ‘Put the Phone Away’ which has been picked up by a London and New York Publisher. Chris explains why failure is the greatest measure of growth and that vulnerability is our greatest measure of courage. 

There’s no irony lost as a bloke and as a writer, I am penning a few thoughts for a website called ‘Mum’s Lounge’. Mind you, it is a rather engaging URL and besides, who doesn’t like connecting with one’s maternal side? It helps that I had three older sisters and a Mum who was ‘my everything, my all.’

The opening paragraph on the Mum’s Lounge website (About Us tab) suggests Mum’s lounge is ‘here for you,’ ‘rediscovering oneself in midlife. Which got me thinking, how does one do that after initially finding one’s identity and purpose as a teacher of primary education and then becoming a headline in March 2025 which read, AGGRESSIVE TEACHER WHO BULLIED STUDENTS STRUCK OFF. How do you ‘rediscover yourself after change, trauma, life choices, circumstances?

Perhaps I should provide some context here.

Kia ora. My name is Chris Valli, I’m 49 and have a 12-year-old daughter. In December 2019, my marriage broke up. The stability of companionship and ‘love languages’ had become complex to say the least and I was lost – I was buggered, spent and exhausted. Life became tough, real tough.

It didn’t help when in March 2020, the Covid pandemic reared its respiratory head which saw the world and the communities we lived in slowing down and adjusting to life via screen time and walks around the block to keep up with fitness 101. It was a time also when I was appointed Head of Drama at Marlborough Boys’ College (having never taught the subject and only two terms as a secondary teacher). Needless to say, the ‘teaching’ of a practical subject via Zoom with two, three students signing in (at best) was a shambles and a challenge and then some.

I was at my daughter’s tennis game in March this year when a musical theatre friend of mine sent me a story via Facebook messenger with the above headline and fair to say, I had to do a double take. It was my name in the intro which read, a “hot-head” teacher who told students they were a waste of space, swore at them and grappled phones out of their hands has been kicked out of the profession. I felt sick to the stomach when the reality kicked in that the story was about me. The community journalist who had been telling other people’s stories from November 2021 – May 2025 but never told his own story, his own truths.

The headline stung and hurt. I had found out I was to be deregistered in January 2024 after receiving an email after coming back from the Foo Fighters gig in Christchurch. Times Like These indeed.

In August 2019 I transitioned to secondary education after accepting an English teacher position for Years 9 – 11. It was one hell of an eye opener from the lack of fundamentals when it came to writing and reading (and the strategies which come with deciphering the English language) to class absenteeism, let alone developing a rapport and relationships in Term 3.

My biggest conundrum though was the amount of students who were on their cell phones during class. The school at the time, didn’t really have a policy in place with some teachers asking students to line up outside of class and placing their phones in a tote tray at the beginning of the lesson to others who simply choose not to worry about it or enforce expectations.

I chose to do something about it, albeit reactively NOT proactively. It was a period/class where the Year 10 students were publishing in the computer lab. I had asked one defiant student to ‘Put the Phone Away’ on several occasions with a myriad of excuses and non-compliance. So, I did what I thought was the right thing to do. I walked over to the student and grabbed the phone out of her hand and in the space of a few seconds, the incident would consume the next four and a half-years of my life. I knew I stuffed up, big time. I was unprofessional, broke the ‘Code of Conduct’ and was at my lowest ebb – both professionally and personally.

It was also a time I was doing musical theatre with three shows in 2019 consisting being in the ensemble for Phantom of the Opera, performing as Boy George for the community fundraiser ‘Stars in Their Eyes’ and as Lord Flashheart in Blackadder Goes Forth. Yip, it was too much. I was burnt out and had no strategies or toolbox to recognise how buggered I was.

In July 2021, I took discretionary leave from Marlborough Boys’ College after two investigators from the New Zealand Teachers Council went back to the college to interview students (with affidavits) to get their take on events. Emails sent to me via my PPTA (Post Primary Teachers Association) support person were tough to read and swallow. Bloody tough and so far off the mark, it made me question the process and the integrity of it all.

I was on leave for what ended up being 30 months no less. In August 2021, I took on a role as a journalist with the community paper while ‘on leave’ – after having trained and worked as a print journalist before teaching.

The March headline prompted a myriad of emotions. None more so than owning my past and specifically, the word from the headline, ‘aggressive’. I was angry. Real angry. With cell phones in classroom and my voice and validation as a teacher, husband and my place, purpose in life? So, I did what I knew and something I was good at. I wrote about it. Screen time, mental health, vulnerability, honesty and shame. The four weeks in May became chapters, healing, empathy, recognising my failures and ultimately a book. A book which should have been titled ‘Get the Fuck Out of My Classroom’ (because that is indeed what I said). I even Googled, ‘How to Write a Book’. Bless.

In July I received an email from hybrid publisher Austin Macauley (where the author pays for some of the publishing costs in exchange for services like editing, design and marketing) with offices in London, New York and Sharjah. It was an email of validation and acceptance that my past had a voice and a voice that needed to be heard. To be that advocate and be the face of ‘vulnerability and failure’. It read;

“Your submission was found to be one of confronting honesty, intense expression and contemporary in its accessible, personable authorial voice. (It’s) a work of great intrigue that deconstructs your encounters and experiences that highlight particularly distinctive strands from your time as a teacher.

Your sincere portrayal of the controversies you were forced to cope with, thereby shaping the events of your life, is recounted with a weary yet profound tone. Your voice throughout is measured and true, noting personal moments within theatre that were particularly liberating. It can only be understood that your experiences in life formed a huge impact on your path into journalism. Despite this, you do not allow yourself to be defined by previous events in life, and the work is composed with an optimistic strength which reverberates with a communicative mark to others.

‘Put the ‘Phone Away’ is a well written poignant work worthy of attention, and it is believed it could have a place in the highly competitive market.”

It lifted me ten-fold after many dark days where it was the likes of musical theatre which became the support and family network I needed. Being cast in Les Miserables in 2022 was testimony to that support and network – it was uplifting and I was grateful. I was also grateful as I was a Dad and had a new-found purpose and autonomy of a young daughter who is a ‘chip off the ol block’ and recently was cast in the 2026 production of Blenheim Musical Theatre’s Matilda (as a backing vocal). Proud indeed.

At the time of writing, publication date is pending. The book isn’t about making money and at times I have questioned what is my why? In recent months I have taken on professional (and personal) development with (Australian based) Speakers Institute with the goal of being a Keynote Speaker on Teacher Burn Out/Screen Time Impact on Connection. It has been in recent months where I found the following quote from Brené Brown, a researcher at the University of Houston; vulnerability is a strength and when we shut ourselves off from revealing our true selves we grow disconnected from the things that bring purpose and meaning to our lives.”

As for how my story connects to this platform, I’ll let you be the judge of that. Maybe it’s the honesty and ownership of failing and the growth which comes with that? There has been no conversation around menopause (respect) but alas a small insight into a relationship breakdown.

As for next steps – who knows? What I do know is that I and you get to write the next chapter(s) in our lives and that is exciting. We choose – nobody else – and with that comes greater perspective and understanding. I’ve learnt that scars don’t mean you’re broken; they mean you’re a survivor. Each one carries a story of battles fought, lessons learned, and strength discovered. Wear them proudly. They are proof that healing is possible.

I encourage you to share your story, your own vulnerability and what it means to be fully human where vulnerability is the ‘birthplace of love, belonging. Joy, empathy, innovation and creativity.’

Oh and please…‘Put the Phone Away’ (for you and your kids’ well-being).

Chris Valli

Keynote speaker/author/journalist.