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“The Gift I Bought My Friend to Celebrate Her Divorce Caused the Most Embarrassing and Hilarious Accident!”

Warning: NSFW

One night, over a few wines, my friend (let’s call her Suzie because she would kill me if I revealed her true identity) confessed to me that after being separated from her ex for almost 2 years, and with her divorce just weeks away, she was considering hitting the dating scene again. She liked the idea of having someone to spend time with on the weekends when her boys were staying at their dad’s, but she was terrified of being intimate with anyone again after such a long hiatus.

“What if I’ve forgotten what to do?” she asked. “What if my lady bits don’t work anymore? I read somewhere that if you don’t use it, you lose it!”

I guffawed into my wine glass, but then I realised she was serious.

“Do you mean to tell me you haven’t had any action at all in almost 2 years? Not even by yourself?” I asked incredulously.

“None!” she answered. “But I think it’s time to jump back on the horse!”

A fortnight later a few of us met for lunch to celebrate Suzie’s divorce. I’d thought a lot about what Suzie had said about her long abstinence from sex, and her lack of confidence to have a physical relationship with a man again, and had brought along the perfect gift. After the meals had been ordered and our drinks had been delivered to the table, I reached into my bag and placed the pretty box on the table in front of her.

“I got you a little something to help you celebrate your new chapter,” I said, reaching across the table to give her a hug.

Suzie looked surprised but quickly opened the unexpected gift.

“OMG! They are the best,” shrieked Tara as Suzie held the pink object up looking a little confused. “I mean insanely good! You’ll wonder how you ever lived without it!”

“Um…” Suzie turned it over in her hand, her cheeks slightly flushed. “What is it?”


“Well, you might want to stop waving it around for all to see for starters,” giggled Jodie, then leaned in and whispered “It’s a clit sucker.”

“A what?” said Suzie slightly taken aback and tucking it back into the tissue paper.

“A personal massager for down there,” gestured Jen pointing under the table. “How have you not seen one before? They’ve been all over my Facebook feed lately. Women are raving about them.”

“And they’d be right to,” grinned Tara, and tossed her head from side to side and hit the table in a comedic re-enactment of the scene from When Harry Met Sally. We all fell about laughing.

“Just promise me you’ll give it a try,” I said to her later as we all hugged goodbye outside. “You can thank me later.”


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Well, as you can probably guess, Suzie did try it, and after several mind-blowing orgasms, thanks to her new Zena toy, found that her libido was back with a vengeance!

Several months later, Suzie met a guy, and they started dating and by the way she talked about him, I knew she really liked him. They took things slowly at first, but would send each other steamy sext messages in between dates, well before they’d taken the next step to bump uglies. Suzie planned to wait until her boys were around at their dad’s one weekend, then she’d invite Dave over for dinner with the hope of things progressing to the boudoir. By this stage, after weeks of naughty messages and a particularly descriptive text from him about what he’d like to do to her when he got her naked, the sexual tension was through the roof!


According to Suzie, the night went as planned and was everything she’d imagined. With the kids at her ex-husbands for 2 nights, Suzie and Dave barely left bed for that weekend, only getting up to eat, shower or go to the bathroom! Suzie was, she said, making up for lost time!

It was on the Sunday afternoon that the embarrassing incident happened. Getting up from the bed so she could get dressed before the boys got home in an hour, Dave playfully pulled her back to the bed for one last quicky! Kneeling behind her on the bed in doggy style, thrusting away, Dave said “get that toy you told me about, that would be so hot!” Knowing that her little pink friend would get her to orgasm in record time Suzie reached into the bedside draw, and grabbed Zena.

Dave groaned in anticipation as she turned it on and reached between her legs.

What she didn’t realise was that in the heat of the moment not only had she pressed the on button, somehow, she’d also jacked up the intensity button to maximum. So when the sex toy made contact with her most sensitive body part the suction was insanely strong. Before she even knew what was happening a thunderous orgasm struck so hard that it caused her to involuntarily rear up like a bucking bronco at some kind of weird naked Rodeo, taking her suiter completely by surprise. She said it was as if she’d completely lost all control of her body, with her much-loved sex toy apparently intent on sucking her soul out of her body through her clitoris! It was only when she felt a dull thud at the back of her head and Dave gave out a little howl that she realised she had thrown back her head so violently that she had headbutted him in the nose and quickly detached the still vibrating sex toy, and flung it down so that she could assess the damage to Dave’s face.


Fortunately, it wasn’t broken, but it was badly bruised and Suzie was utterly mortified that their little tryst had ended so embarrassingly. That doesn’t stop us girls all howling with laughter whenever she recounts the experience, which is still as often as we can coax it out of her. Things didn’t work out with Dave as he recently moved interstate for a work opportunity but they still talk on the phone occasionally and laugh about their little two-person Rodeo performance that fateful Sunday back in April.




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