13 Red Flags You Should Never Ignore When Beginning a New Relationship
New relationships can be difficult to read sometimes, especially when your heart is already invested. It can be hard to spot the red flags through those damned rose-tinted glasses! How do you know if the relationship you are in is a bad match?
Some women have shared their relationship red flags on Reddit, giving us all a heads up on what signs to look out for in a new relationship.
1. If they say “all women are crazy….except you”
• If they have a crazy ex, they have a crazy ex. If they have multiple crazy exes, THEY’RE the crazy ex. He’s the common denominator!
2. If he acts, talks and behaves like a misogynist, believe him.
• My mom used to tell me that before I ever commit to a man, I need to first find out how he treats his mother. Because that’s how he will treat women, including me. She was right on the money.
3. If they aren’t polite to other people
• Never date anyone who can’t even summon up the decency to be polite to a server, cashier, or other customer service. That’ll be you once the honeymoon period is over.
• That server comment is so true. Run for the hills if they treat the service staff like shit.
• When I was dating I noticed the guys always tried to impress me, treated me special. A lot of flattery and an essence of falsehoods. However, when I found my husband, he treated everyone special. Everyone was treated with kindness and respect. He was genuinely that kind. He went out of his way to be nice to everyone, even strangers. That’s how I knew I didn’t want to be with any other.
• Oh, this is a big red flag with people in general. Stupid people think everyone else is stupid; smart people recognize intelligence in others.
4. If they try to control you
• Saying what I can and cannot do. Let’s be clear: that’s my choice. If you have an opinion about it, I will absolutely have a conversation about it and consider your thoughts (I’m not unreasonable). But there is a huge difference between expressing an opinion and attempting to control.
• It’s so weird when some guys will say things like “oh if we were dating, I wouldn’t let you go out alone like that.”
Yeah…that’s why we’re not dating.
5. Laughing off or ignoring your boundaries
• Failure to respect boundaries is a huge issue. And they’ll show you early, have no doubt of that.
• “No” does not mean “convince me”. The BEST way of dealing with this is to turn the awkwardness around on them. “I said no. Why are you making it weird?”
• It all comes down to listening and respect. When I say no, you listen and respect that. It’s not rocket science. It’s called joining the human race, buck-a-roo. Get with it or get the fuck away from me.
6. If they correct you all the time, “Well, actually…”
• Boot him, he is not for you and won’t learn it’s not right if you let him keep doing it. There is a better person to be found.
• Abusive men don’t just start off saying you’re a piece of shit. It’s a gradual process.
• Boundaries get tested and broken down over time. Enough gaslighting so the victim blames themselves more and more
• No, it will not stop. Have a family friend who nitpicks about every little thing his wife does or says. She has developed severe depression and her children are suffering.
7. If they try to isolate you from friends or family
• This can be so sneaky. I had an SO once who was acting really upset, and when I asked him why he said it was because my mom told him a lie. I don’t even remember what it was, but he was really upset that she lied to him. Said he didn’t feel like he could trust her anymore. Then a few weeks later he said the same thing about my sister. Then a month later it was my best friend. Once I realized that I was pulling away from everyone in my life because if he couldn’t trust them then I couldn’t trust them, I had a huge oh shit moment where I realized “Oh my god, he’s about to start getting physically abusive.” Got out of there so fast after that.
8. If they refuse to let you keep friends of the opposite sex
• This 100% I wish I had known about this 5+years ago. I began dating my ex and he found out I had a best friend as a guy, and only assumed I had a thing for. He “politely” asked that remove him as a friend, this hurt. I had my best friend 3 years before the ex came along.
As soon as I ended my relationship with the ex, I reconciled with my Best Friend, and it’s as if things never happened
9. If they demand to know your phone password
• No one ever needs to know your password. If they think they do, it’s because they don’t trust you because of their own insecurities.
• My cousin married someone who had all her passwords and even monitored her internet activity. He read every email, text, or PM. Then used anything he could find to be a douche. It took her 18 years to leave him. I don’t know how she put up with it.
10. If they’re too close with their mothers or still relying on their approval like they’re children.
• So. Much. This.
Man can’t make a move without mommy’s approval? Honey you better run. I have a brother in law like this and it makes his wife’s life miserable. Anything his mother says overrules him and his wife, and it’s about major things like what house they’re going to buy and how their children are raised.
• Yes a million times. My ex husband was like this and every decision we had he said ‘hold on let me call my mother’ …just no.
11. If the phrase “I’m a nice guy” leaves their lips
• I’ve found that 90% of the time, anyone (man or woman) who says, “I’m not XYZ…” is EXACTLY XYZ whatever the fuck that is.
“I’m not dramatic…” well I bet you sure are!
Because most people don’t feel the need to protest something they AREN’T because it doesn’t occur to them. I don’t tell people I’m not a pyromaniac because I’m not thinking about lighting shit on fire all the time. If I WAS wanting to light things on fire all the time, I might feel the need to constantly reassure people, “psst – hey – I’m not a pyromaniac…”
12. If they trash talk their exes
• I honestly find it suspicious when someone is still super mad and ready to bash their ex (unless it was an abusive relationship) years after the breakup happened, like I get not wanting to ever hear from them ever again, but taking any opportunity to trash talk them? That’s some deep psychological issue.
• The “shitting on girls you’ve been with” thing is a big issue for me. If a guy can be so into a girl he’s with and then, after they break up, talk shit like she never mattered, all I can think of is what the sweet things he’s saying about me now will turn into later.
13. If they have failed to launch
• If he’s in his 30’s with no ambition or concrete plan in life, and only has potential, that’s a red flag to me. It doesn’t really matter what the career path is, so long as the wheels are in motion.
That’s some good advice there, ladies.
Have you seen any of these signs in a new relationship too?
H/T to Reddit
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