How Now Eyebrow?

I remember the first moment I realised I was a bonafide wog chick. I was in Grade 5 and I was sitting around with my best friends Pippin, Sally and Janine. It was Summer and we were in our short dresses dangling our legs over the monkey bars. And that’s when the snickering happened. Followed by the whispering and then the pointing. “Ewww, look how hairy your legs are!!” exclaimed Sally.

Really? I hadn’t given my legs a second thought up until that precise moment. I looked over at their hairless legs with their white bobby socks and freckles. Then back at my skinny, knobbly kneed hairy legs.
When did this happen? How did I not notice? And there it was- the end of my innocent childhood and the entry into womanhood – or should I say the never ending struggle with body image. The plucking, shaving, dyeing, dieting cycle that never really ends. I went straight home that day and shaved my legs. Body Image Issues 1 – Chrystal 0.

The reason I’ve bought you here today though, is to share a little story about brows. As a teenager I had those thick bushy eye-brows that are all the rage at the moment. I like to think they looked something like this photo here-

When in actual fact I was probably rocking a look closer to Frida’s:

So I did what any stupid normal teenager would do and plucked the hell out
of them. I really went to work on them. Plucked, shaved, cut – I butchered
them. They went from Brooke Shields to Pamela Anderson faster than you can
say David ‘The Hoff’ Hasselhoff! Body Image Issues 2 – Chrystal 0.

So a few months ago while I was getting my eye brows threaded at a new threading place, the lady politely told me that my eye brows were old fashioned and I needed to grow them back. Oh ok- hang on, let me just send some subliminal messages to my hair follicles to start growing again. ‘It’s ok’ she assured me. ‘I have a special lotion that I make from the sweat of a red headed virgin mixed with a drop of geranium oil. Just rub it into your eye brows while standing on one leg under a full moon and soon they will grow back’. Haaaaaaa!!! Yeah, right! I bought it. For $15. It smells like peanut oil.

I rubbed it into my eye brows every night for a month. Especially at the beginning of the brows where I really need the hair to grow back. Ta daaaa!!!

NOTHING happened!

I don’t know, maybe I was standing on the wrong foot. Or maybe I was just sold a vial of peanut oil for $15 dollars when I should’ve spent it on a good brow pencil. Needless to say I have yet to grow my eye brows back and they are yet to look like my dream brows below. The moral of this story is to appreciate and love what you have. Even your wog- chick brows and hairy legs.