I’m sitting on the couch thinking about my impending surgery (boob job and tummy tuck) and I am watching my daughter play on the ground in front of me when, BOOM, I have an epiphany.
e·piph·a·ny – “a sudden, powerful, and often spiritual or life-changing realisation that a person experiences in an otherwise ordinary moment.”
How am I ever going to teach Mikaela to love her body as it is if her Mummy can’t do the same?
How am I ever going to encourage her to accept and love the parts of her body that she doesn’t like without being a walking contradiction?
If I go ahead with the surgery am I setting my daughter up for future of body-hating and self-loathing?
In 10 years time when she becomes a teenager will she want to be like her Mummy and have beautifully manufactured breasts and a flat stomach?
Am I setting her up to chase an unrealistic goal of perfection?
Will she place more value on her looks than what she achieves in life because Mummy has placed so much emphasis on her own ‘beauty?’
I was presented with a fork in the road and I needed to choose which path I was going to take. The decision wasn’t easy. I could go ahead and get the surgery done. I would have the body that I wanted but at what cost to Mikaela’s future? Or I could put Mikaela’s needs before my own and not go ahead with the surgery.
I chose Mikaela.
So where did this leave me? Right back to where I had been, stuck in a body that I didn’t love with no hope of recovery. There was only one place left for me and that was rock bottom. Things got worse than they had ever been. I hated my body more than I ever had.
You are disgusting, fat and ugly. My dark passenger was back, this time with vengeance.
As I sat there in my dark place with my dark passenger keeping me company, a little thought popped into my head. What if…? What if I could live with my body the way it looks now and be happy? Is this even possible?
As I picked myself up off the ground and wiped my tears I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I looked deep into my eyes and I heard some words of encouragement. It was the old Taz, the Taz that I knew and loved, it was the positive, happy-go-lucky Taz. And she simply said,
” You can do this”.
Taryn Brumfitt is a writer, speaker and advocate for women’s positive body image. She is also the founder of Body Image Movement. Body Image Movement is a “movement” to recognise and value real beauty from the inside out. “Our role is to harness and facilitate positive body image activism, this includes encouraging woman to be more accepting of who they are, to talk a positive body language (about their own bodies and others) and to prioritise their health before beauty.” Come and visit us atwww.bodyimagemovement.com.au or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/bodyimagemovement