24 Things That Drive People Crazy

I have a short fuse. I know it. The people who know me know it. And it’s largely because of the enormous amount of irritating situations and habits that have to be dealt with on a daily basis, like these:

Door handles in public toilets that you have to pull when exiting. I’ve just washed and dried my hands and now I have to touch the grimy door that all the people who didn’t wash their hands touched.
People who cough or sneeze without covering their mouth. I DON’T want what you have.
People who sneeze so loud your eardrums explode – scares the shit out of me every time. My husband does this in the car constantly. He says it’s not his fault but I’ve never heard him do it in public. Ever.
People who invade my space in a queue – I can feel you breathing down my neck. In fact, I can HEAR you breathing down my neck. Every time I step forward to get away from you, you are like glue. WTF.
The length of time it takes so many women in a toilet cubicle. What are they DOING? I am prepared when I go in – pants down, grab the paper while I pee, wipe, zip. I’m outta there and all the other cubicles haven’t changed ownership yet.
When people recite a phone number on a message too fast and I have to replay it 6 times to write it down. Slow down…
Families who walk 4-abreast, slowly, in front of me in shopping centres or on footpaths when there’s no space to get around them. Walk in pairs FFS.
Wait staff who put the cutlery directly onto the table that you know was wiped with a skanky, dirty cloth 5 minutes ago. Germs! Put it on a napkin or on the plate.
When you approach an intersection and a driver coming from the other direction cuts the corner and then glares at YOU because they are over your line and too close to your car.
Leaving your dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is one foot away. Rinse it and put it in the dishwasher or if it can’t go in the dishwasher leave it on the bench otherwise when I have to quickly tip something out in the sink like juice out of a tuna can, I have to fish your skanky plate out later covered in it.
People who stand up in a panic getting their bags out of the overhead locker in an airplane – nobody is getting out until the staff are ready, the door is open and then we exit in rows anyway. Just calm down.
Why do manufacturers pack items in that sealed hard plastic that is impossible to open? You literally need a hunting knife to pierce that stuff and take your life into your hands to cut it away. Scissors ironically are always packed like this.
Stickers that are impossible to remove without leaving a gummy residue – always on plates and glasses.
It’s bad enough being on hold to VicRoads, an insurance company or a bank but why do we have to listen to ear-blasting, horrible, repetitive “music” designed to make you want to blow your head off. Or, their incessant self promoting bullshit telling you how great they are when you’ve been waiting 20 bloody minutes just to speak to them.
The word hubby. Hate it. Enough said.
People who don’t RSVP. I’m throwing a party for YOU. I’m paying for decorations, putting together an awesome play list and forking out a fortune on caterers. I shouldn’t have to chase down 80% of the guest list to find out if they’re coming. Every time.
People who kick the back of my seat in an airplane. I get that the pockets are on the back and you need to retrieve your water bottle/magazine/headphones but if you or your kids are kicking my seat, I am going to LOSE MY SHIT.
Over-sharers on Facebook. Do you literally have to check yourself in ten times a day so everyone knows you’re at the gym, you’re at lunch, you’re making baked beans for dinner, you’re watching Netflix. NO ONE CARES.
Similarily people who post vague statuses designed to illicit concern or sympathy: “At the hospital”. “At the doctor”. “Feeling sad”. For the love of God, just say what the problem is.
People who say brought when they mean bought. “Look at the new shoes I brought today”. Or aks instead of ask. Or day-boo instead of debut. Or haitch instead of H.
The constant misuse of the word complimentary. Complimentary means “hey, you look great”. Complementary means it is free – you will receive a complementary blow wave with your haircut.
People who allow their dogs to jump all over you when you walk into their house – dirty paw prints on my clean clothes, nails snagged in my expensive jumper. If you can’t train them, then hang onto them or put them in the laundry.
Being ignored in a restaurant by wait staff. You are starving hungry, you set your menu down 5 minutes ago, but they are fluffing around folding napkins or straightening chairs or talking to other staff. Or, you SEE your drinks or food are ready and waiting to be picked up and they remain there for 10 minutes….melting or going cold when you could grab them yourself.
When shop assistants 20 years younger than you insist on calling you darl, or love. So patronising.