Bitchiness in the Playground

Bitchiness in the Playground
A guest post by Mackenzie Glanville
I still remember the day my daughter Aspen came home from kindergarten intears, her βbest friendβ had decided that they weren’t βbest friendsβΒ anymore, but come the next day she wanted to be βbest friendsβ all overΒ again. These girls were four years old, and Iβm not going to lie, maybe IΒ was naive, but I was shocked by the young age that bitchiness started inΒ the playground! To be honest I was proud of my daughter when after monthsΒ of this friends back βn forth so called friendship, Aspen found anotherΒ girl to call her βBFFβ who was loyal and sweet.
Over the years I have made a conscious effort to step back from gettingΒ involved in minor playground dramas, I read Michael Gross, and I want toΒ raise resilient children and all that, although itβs easier said than doneΒ at times, I mean letβs not kid ourselves, there has been days over theΒ years Iβve wanted to scoop up my now 10 year old and wrap her in cottonΒ wool! But I behaved and stood back. We had more dramas when Aspen wentΒ into grade one, her sweet friend moved interstate and it was time forΒ Aspen to make new friends. She was well liked so making friends wasnβt anΒ issue, the problem was too many girls wanted to be her new BFF, and myΒ daughter wanted to please everyone. The strong personalities decided toΒ insist she could βonly play with themβ! This led to Aspen coming home inΒ more tears because she didnβt want to exclude anyone. It took a good sixΒ months and one girl actually slapping another girl across the face, (IΒ know crazy right?) before things started to settle down. Aspen worked outΒ who was worthy of the new βBFFβ title, and still had the freedom to allowΒ plenty of others to join in.
Naturally there are still some tears now and then (Aspenβs what we callΒ our sensitive soul, she doesnβt get it from me . . . . OK yes she totallyΒ gets it from me, just donβt tell anyone I admitted that), late last yearΒ she came out of the classroom and burst into tears, when I finally calmedΒ her down and her words made sense, I learnt that her BFF was mad at her.
Why? Well turns out there is a boy involved. Now itβs all completelyΒ innocent, Aspen has no interest in boys yet, (Iβm not in denial!) This boyΒ who is a good friend was chasing her around the school and just hangingΒ around Aspen too much according to her best friend. Aspen was enjoyingΒ playing with this boy and I guess her BFF felt left out, oh the drama!Β Anyway after some video chats that night it was all sorted in 5 seconds
flat, all was forgiven and their friendship is still going strong!
I guess this is an indication of the years to come, I seriously need toΒ book a therapist, for me and her!! What is it though with girls? What isΒ it with women? I asked this in a recent post I wrote on βgrown upΒ bullies,’ I mean why canβt we all be a little nicer to each other, youΒ know all that βI am woman hear me roarβ, bra burning, more power to usΒ stuff, OK maybe I am not burning any bras, they cost lots of money andΒ letβs face it they keep my boobs looking awesome (Iβm not in my 20βsΒ anymore, and I have 3 kids)! But you know what I mean right?! It is sad toΒ see the way women can treat each other, all that competitiveness andΒ bitchiness, and to see in start in kindergarten just makes me question ourΒ own behaviour as mothers and role models.
I think there is a natural tendency to compete, it is bred into us fromΒ way back, survival of the fittest and all that, and of course we have theΒ cutest kid, the funniest, we all think that, (well mostly I do, when myΒ son Adam (aged 2 at the time), drew all over my tiles a week after weΒ moved into our newly built dream home I didnβt think he was very funny!Β And as cute as my blogging dog (yes my puppy Holly is a genius, sheΒ actually does have her own Website), when she poops on my floor and stinksΒ out the playroom, thatβs not all that cute either, well until she looks atΒ me with those innocent eyes!Β OK they are both pretty cute, as I was typing away I thought I betterΒ check on them, Adam now 5, had Hollyβs puppy bed on my bed, they were bothΒ having a rest, too cute!! Although I had too swiftly remove them off myΒ bed because that is not allowed. OK back on track . . .
We all want the best for our children, we want them to grow up in a safeΒ environment and have them grow into smart, talented, successful,Β good-looking, sporty, artistic, humorous, respected adults, oh with a highΒ paying job, a gorgeous family, stunning home and some time off to travel,Β anything else??????? Probably! I think this brings out our competitiveΒ spirit and unfortunately sometimes our bitchy side too. We judge whatΒ other mums are wearing, what car they drive, their postcode, we are harshΒ on them if they are too good looking, or hate them for snagging the hotΒ rich husband. The competitiveness gets out of control, I mean have youΒ been to a kids birthday party lately? We canβt win, if we have the bestΒ house we are talked about behind our backs, if we have the worst, well weΒ are talked about too. If our child is the βsmart oneβ people donβt likeΒ us, if our child is the one who pushed another one in the playground, wellΒ no play dates for you! What happened to women supporting other women?
Whether we like it or not, we are role models to young girls! The way theyΒ hear us talk about other women affects how they will grow up to treatΒ other women. We have to remember to teach our children to be there forΒ each other, to support each others dreams, to encourage women to followΒ their passions. We hopefully all have that BFF who has our back, butΒ wouldnβt it be nice if we had more friends like that?
Since I started running my 3 websites I have been blown away by someΒ amazing and generous women I have met and the opportunities, such as thisΒ one writing for Mumβs Lounge, have been awesome! The support I haveΒ received has been amazing, and it is what inspires me to keep going, toΒ follow my passion. The more we support one another the more amazing ourΒ own lives become. I encourage you to open yourself up to your dreams andΒ to be a positive role model to young girls, letβs show them whatΒ sisterhood really means, and the next time you go to have a good bitch,Β stop and think whether you would like someone saying that about you, andΒ if you still have to do it at least make sure thereβs no children inΒ earshot.
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
Mackenzie Glanville is a freelance writer, blogger, University graduate,Β the creator of reflectionsfromme.com and it’s offspringΒ photography.reflectionsfromme.com and dogblog.reflectionsfromme.com. SheΒ is currently working on her novel, as well as running around after 3Β amazing children, 1 hot hubby, 5 chickens, and a blogging puppy. Mac is anΒ advocate for women’s rights, human rights, and through her dog blogΒ champions the rights of animals. She is funny, wacky, and very reflective.
I have been keeping up on Mackenzie and what she has been blogging about and all I can say is amazing in site to a lot of different issues. Love reading her stories.
Keep up the good work π
Fabulous Karen! We are so glad you have enjoyed McKenzie’s article x
Thank you so much Karen for your lovely comment, always love hearing feedback
So true, girls can get so bitchy, we need to teach them how to behave, my daughter was being bullied when she was 14 for having her teeth corrected, it made her feel completely devastated, luckily some of the nicer girls stuck up for her.
Sorry to hear that your daughter was bullied, such an awful experience for her, but it is great she has found some great friends to support her, thanks for commenting, Mac xx
Thank you Mackenzie – I enjoyed your blog, I found it thought provoking and very insightful. As a mother of two boys I am always intrigued by what goes on between the girls!I know with boys I have been astounded by how competitive they are. The Alpha male is alive and well in many playgrounds and school yards I am sure!
I agree that as grown women we really need to look out for each other more. I recently moved interstate and was surprised and disappointed by how unfriendly some mothers at my children’s new school were. I was explaining to my kids how we are all in the same boat – even Mum needs to make new friends…but gee I was struggling a little myself. Since then though, I have worked out “who’s who in the zoo” so to speak, and met some really good friends. Its true that you feel good when you surround yourself with good people! As you Mackenzie have recently experienced, there are many amazing women out there, and from reading your blog I strongly suspect you are one of them! I look forward to reading more from you π
Great to get a point of view from a mother with boys, my son just started Prep so I haven’t experienced much “boy drama” yet. Spounds like you have been through a lot with your move, but glad you are figuring out who is worth your friendship. Thank you for your comment, and I wish you and your boys luck in there new school, Mac xx
Thanks for another great read Mackenzie.. Your so right, our kids are watching and listening to everything we say & do! i always laugh to myself when I hear my daughter say something that clearly I have said in the past.. Monkey say – monkey do! Lol
monkey see’s and monkey will do, you are so right Cheryl!
Thanks for a great read Mackenzie, which I can undoubtedly relate too.. I always laugh to myself when I hear my daughter say something & I think, yep she got that from me… Lol
Thanks for a great read Mackenzie, which I can undoubtedly relate too.. I always laugh to myself when I hear my daughter say something & I think, yep she got that from me… Lol
Absolutely, us women need to be positive role models!!