Things I am Learning on the 30 day Sex Challenge
Things I am learning during the 30 day sex challenge.
1. Pal thinks he can fix lower back pain with sex.
2. Pal values conversation above sex. Also snuggling, occasionally.
3. I am possibly a man. Emotionally.
“Honey, I’m going to bed.”
“Oh OK, want me to come with you?”
“Um, no. You don’t have to..”
“But do you want me to?” raises almost transparent eyebrows suggestively.
“Well. No. You haven’t said more than seven words to me all night. I’m not feeling it.”
If you’re new to my posts about the place of sex in my marriage, then you’d be forgiven for thinking that exchange was my husband asking me to have sex with him, and me saying no.
In fact, it’s the opposite.
Turns out, men think about more than sex. And in fact feel things much more deeply than us women think. And even, believe it or not, are capable of saying No to an offer of sex.
Because it also turns out that men have emotions.
Who knew?
How do I know?
The 30 Day Sex Challenge.
The married guide has these funny little questions that don’t look like much on a piece of paper.
But when you make an effort to answer them, as a partnership. To address the issues that arise. Well. You find stuff out. About your marriage. About your partner. About yourself.
Like, imagine having a list of 10 emotional needs.
Affection
Sexual Fulfilment
Conversation
Recreational Companionship
Honesty and Openness
An Attractive Spouse
Financial Support
Domestic Support
Family Commitment
Admiration
You are only allowed to choose one of those needs to be supported during your marriage. Write it down and then cross it off your list. Now, from the nine choices left, choose again. Do it until you have five choices.
Now you have your top five emotional needs in your marriage.
I urge you to try it.
You will be surprised. By your own answers, and your partner’s.
When Pal and I did this exercise and discussed them, I swear at one point that night I heard the distinct scratching of a record. Because that’s what happens when you get thrown something out of left field. That is slightly amusing.
I’m not going into details. Mostly because they are private. Maybe also a little bit embarrassing. Oh yeah, and my marriage is between my husband and I. Not my husband and I and you, no matter how much fun that would totally be.
Let’s just say that I adhere quite closely to a stereotype. Of a man’s attitude towards love and sex. Pal, well, he’s a bit of a girl. Stereotypically speaking of course.
Wanna snuggle, honey?
So, you see, the 30 Day Sex Challenge is more about emotional intimacy leading to sexual intimacy, rather than hippos chasing their lions and getting their rocks off.
It’s about understanding one another at a deeper level, and creating mechanisms in your marriage to allow your spouse to know you are feeling unappreciated or unsupported at that point in time. And to allow you to better support your spouse’s emotional needs in return.
That part is good too.
As women we are often heard spouting that sex without love isn’t nearly as good. Well, what about sex without knowledge AND love?
I know, mind-blowing, right?
Anna Millie from Confessions of a Psychologist was 8 for 9 days at last count. Much to their family pet’s chagrin. And Jess from Diary of a SAHM inadvertently entered into her 30 Day Sex Challenge with a fitter Merv Hughes. TinaGray{dot}Me decided to save her husband’s life instead of participate (Who can blame her?) And Jolene is having a NOvember.
If you’ve written about the challenge let me know – I’d love to hear from you!
Also on The Billboard by Daisy:
Option 2: The 30 Day Sex Challenge Week One
Daisy blogs at Daisy, Roo and Two, tweets as @daisyrooandtwo and Facebook overshares at her Daisy, Roo and Two Facebook page.
You can also email Daisy [email protected]
