Healing the Wounds From Your Past Bullying
I was bullied throughout my high school years. To this day I still do not know why it occurred or what really started it? What I do know is that the emotional scars of this bullying lasted many years after the verbal insults stopped.
These scars would present themselves in my life through low self-worth and low self-confidence. I would struggle to fit in and worry what other people thought of me ALL the time.
It was no wonder that when I became a mother (I have four gorgeous children) that I struggled to teach them how to be confident and happy within themselves when I did not know how to feel it myself.
It was almost like becoming a mother amplified these negative feelings inside my head, as I could no longer hide and pretend. My children were watching and learning from my action, reactions and behaviours every day. I could not come home from a social outing and fall in a heap like I used to or worry for hours (often days) on end about what someone said or why someone did not include me in their circle of friends.
My children were learning what I was, they were becoming anxious and not socially confident.
One of my worst fears was coming true, that my children would also experience bullying! Something had to change. I had to change from the inside out.
The first thing I did to make the change was to understand and change the way I thought about myself. Over the many years I had become my own worst enemy! I constantly put myself down and worried that I was never good enough at anything I was doing (including not being a good enough mother).
By making this simple change you too can start to influence the way you feel and think. Start to treat yourself like your own best friend. This may seem like a foreign concept, but start slowly.
Begin with these simple steps..
1. Slow things down: stop reacting and responding for just a moment. This will allow you to understand how you are feeling.
2. Go within: look within to understand why you are feeling this anger, hurt, sadness etc.
3. Imagine: what would you say to your best friend if they said to you what you are feeling, for example ‘I am angry and sad because I should not have lost my temper with the kids’.
4. Remind yourself: of what you would tell your best friend, for example ‘It is okay, you were under pressure. You cannot change it but you can learn from it for next time. There is no point in beating yourself up about this’.
When doing this activity it helps to step away from the emotion and drama of what you are feeling as when we get caught in the emotion we lose all logic thinking and reasoning.
How can you start to treat yourself like your own best friend today? What changes can you make in your thoughts today?
This information has been taken from my book ‘Beyond The Schoolyard’. For more information or to order your copy today, please visit my webpage at www.debbierossi.com.au.
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