“I’m just going to pop this suppository into your bottom”, says my obstetrician after 14 hours of labour. WTF – welcome to motherhood, I thought! It was from that moment that I knew that life would never be the same. Now please don’t get me wrong, I love motherhood and my kids rah rah rah but there were some things that I didn’t sign up for.

In labour I really never expected the nurse to think that my husband had an interest in the colour of the discharge coming out of my vagina, nor did I think that after labouring and completing the job I would be asked to put a suppository up my anus. (I was thinking, “Hey dude, if it’s not broken don’t fix it!)

Without doubt I never expected to poo in front of a small audience, and definitely didn’t expect my nipples to grow to the size of a dinner plate. There were lots of “firsts” and I remember thinking on many occasions, “I didn’t see that one coming”. Whilst these moments of utter dismay and shock were fleeting there were many changes and firsts for my body that were here to stay. I spent 9 months completely absorbed and in love with my growing tummy. I fondly remember the joy of washing my belly with soap, rubbing it around and around, the soft feeling of the soap between my hands and my belly – it was blissful. As soon as Oliver (my firstborn) was birthed, my tummy resembled something out of the horror movie “The Blob”. I simply couldn’t comprehend how something so beautiful and glorious could turn into something so hideous and gross within a few short hours.

I also never expected to be enjoying a game of netball to find that after taking a dazzling intercept that wee would be running down my leg. I never expected to have to wear a couple of sanitary pads and 3 pairs of knickers for subsequent games.

Another “I didn’t see that coming moment” was after having dinner with friends a few weeks after the birth, we were walking home and out of nowhere came the urge to do a number two. I screamed to my husband to run ahead and open up the front door, as I frantically ran with the pram behind him, made it to my front yard, running up the path, foot inside the door, running down the hall – shat my pants. Dammit, all I needed was another 30 seconds and I could’ve kept what was left of my dignity for a bit longer.

I expected after having a baby to be tired, sore and strung out but I certainly didn’t expect or see some of those moments coming! I might just need to give myself some time to recover, I’m sure I’ll stop weeing and pooing myself soon – I am the mother and not the baby after all. The stretch marks will fade, my stomach muscles will re-join and my breasts will re- establish themselves on the first floor again soon….all will be ok, it will just take a little time…won’t it?

Taryn Brumfitt is a writer, speaker and advocate for women’s positive body image. She is also the founder of Body Image Movement. Body Image Movement is a “movement” to recognise and value real beauty from the inside out. “Our role is to harness and facilitate positive body image activism, this includes encouraging woman to be more accepting of who they are, to talk a positive body language (about their own bodies and others) and to prioritise their health before beauty.” Come and visit us at www.bodyimagemovement.com.au or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/bodyimagemovement