We don’t know whether you’ve heard of this one or not (it was new to us), but some couples are now opting for a ‘no ring, no bring’ policy for their wedding day. The theory behind it is that you don’t end up paying for a whole host of random plus ones and Tinder hookups that your single friends or relatives decide to bring on the day – so the ‘no ring, no bring’ rule dictates that only married or engaged couples can attend the festivities. Weddings are expensive, and let’s be honest, who wants to look back at the photos from their wedding day and have no idea who some of the ‘guests’ are. In theory, I get it. However, you’d expect when applying the rule that a modicum of leeway would be given to those in long-term committed relationships, wouldn’t you?

Well, one bride, Vicki,  has decided to take her ‘no ring, no bring’ policy to the extreme when it comes to the groom-to-be, Brad’s, best friend and his girlfriend. The groom’s best friend @PlusOneIssue shared the odd predicament on Reddit’s popular AmItheAsshole forum.

My (28m) childhood best friend Brad (28m) is getting married in late May to Vicky (26f). A week ago, on Easter I received his wedding invite which only listed my name but not my gf ,Mary (28f). For context, Brad, Mary and I have known each other since high school . We were in the same friend group. Mary and I live around 2 hours away from Brad and Vicky. Because Mary is a nurse she doesn’t always have the time to visit Brad and Vicky with me so I go alone most of the time but when she’s able she’ll join me. Mary has met Vicky and seen her around 10 times in the past 4 years that Vicky is with Brad. Mary and I have been together for 6 years total and we do plan on getting engaged and married once we are more financially settled.

So I asked Brad if Mary is invited and they just forgot to mention her name to which he replied that Vicky is very strict about some rules and in order to cut down costs she’s enforcing a no ring no bring rule for the wedding so since Mary is “just a girlfriend” and doesn’t have a ring to imply some formality then she’s not invited. I reminded Brad that Mary and I have been together longer than he’s with Vicky and that Mary is also his friend not just my partner.

So, just so we are all following along, Mary (who is not invited) is also a high school friend of Brad, the groom-to-be, in her own right. But since she is not yet married to the OP he is not invited to the wedding. Ok, that’s weird, but we’ll reserve judgement until we’ve heard the story in it’s entirety.

He says he knows and tried to talk Vicky out of it but she’s very strict with that. I let it go and I was in dilemma about whether I should go to the wedding or not because of that. Mary told me she’s not happy about the situation but I should go to avoid more drama. So I called them to tell them I’ll attend.

At this stage, I’m thinking Mary is a lot more understanding than I might be in the same situation. But this is where tings get even more interesting!

Vicky picked up the phone and said she’s sorry about making me uncomfortable by not inviting Mary but these are the rules. I said I respect the rules I’m not necessarily happy about it though. She then for some reason started being harsh about how Mary and I are not in a serious enough relationship if after knowing each other for so long and being together for 6 years we are not engaged yet and joked that after all you never know what tomorrow brings and I could break up with Mary anytime since we haven’t shown any signs of true commitment.

Hmmm, it’s starting to feel less like Vicky has a rule, and more like she has a personal vendetta against Mary, or is intentionally trying to drive a wedge between her fiancé and his friends.

I confronted her and told her that it’s not her place to validate Mary and I’s relationship and that it’s really low of her to use a dumb rule just to shame and micromanage long term couples who for whatever reason haven’t gotten married yet. I said I’ll pass after all and not attend the wedding.

She and Brad said I’m disrespecting them and their choices by choosing Mary over their wedding day and I said I don’t care. Keep your rules and I’ll keep my relationship because it’s more important than any exclusive rules that only exist in order to shame people.

I’ve been receiving a lot of backlash from other friends for that choice who said I’m an AH for being so bitter about something so small. But to me it’s not small. They invalidated Mary and our relationship.

I’m all for making your special day exactly the way you want it – but I’ll never understand why some people think that the fact they are getting married gives them a free pass to be obnoxious, rude arseholes to their nearest and dearest. As you might imagine, the comments section blew up.

What a stupid rule, and stupid in this instance for many specific reasons.

First of all, Mary and Brad were in the same high school friend group, so it could easily be argued that she could be invited purely based on being his friend and totally independent of her relationship with you.

Second, using marriage as a barometer of commitment is inane. So by bride’s logic if cousin Chad gets drunk in Vegas and marries the girl he’s been dating for two weeks, she would get an invite, while your girlfriend of 6 years would not. That is so dumb.

To top all this off, you were initially willing to let it go and just come anyhow, but then bride had to double down and insult your relationship to your face. That just sucks. Groom needs to step up and be a good friend and tell bride she is being ridiculous. – poeadam

I had a friend (now ex friend for many reasons) who made comments insinuating that she was “more married” / her marriage was more valid than those in our group who had civil marriages because she was married in a church. She also looked down on our friends who had children out of wedlock, even after those couples got married. – Educational_Sea

Honestly I read “no ring no bring” and immediately thought “announce that you’re engaged and (with Mary’s permission) put a ring pop on her finger” boom, ring. That’d really piss them off.

But I fully agree with not going at all. Brad is being a shite friend and he’s gonna lose friends if he continues to let his fiancée dictate who his friends are. – MommaLokiLovesYou

You were going to abide by the rule so your refusal to attend is not about the rule. Your refusal to attend is about her belittling and demeaning comments. She was condescending, rude and judgmental. I wouldn’t attend her wedding festivities either but I sure would go to the divorce party in three to five years. – CuppaCoke

The longest relationships in my friend group are two couples who have been together for 20+ years but never married. I was with my now ex husband for 7 years. I can tell you, marriage does not mean more commitment in a relationship. – Foldinthecheese

My guess is Brad at some point had a crush on Mary and Vicky can’t stand that. She outdatedly assumes that if Mary is not committed to OP, she might have designs on Brad. I might be wrong, good riddance either way. – AdFew8858

Ordinarily we might be tempted to counsel Brad to run for the hills, but since he’s prepared to back Vicky in thinking its ok for her to verbally disrespect his friends and their relationship but then be butt-hurt, they probably deserve each other!

What do you think? Is the ‘no ring, no bring’ a valid rule for weddings? Should it be applied to everyone, or should there be exceptions to the rule?