Do You Fart in Front of Your Partner? It Could be Good for Your Relationship!

You know the saying ‘if you can’t beat ’em – join ’em?’

Many years ago that became my motto as far as farting is concerned because I was sick to death of being continually and constantly grossed out by husband’s ass-robatics (I just made that word up).

He started farting in front of me literally the second we moved in together and I have to say he is the King of Farting. He could win awards in competitions (I wonder if there’s such a thing because I need to know people, we could become independently wealthy if there’s cash prizes) for volume, stench and most proudly for him; length. He tells people he has excellent sphincter control which allows him to let them rip for well over 30 seconds and you can almost swear he’s playing familiar tunes sometimes.

And I don’t really care about those ones because they are actually quite hilarious. The ones that really piss me off are (A) the ones he does under the covers when we’re in bed that he pushes out with great force that stink out the entire room for days, and, (B) the ones he does when I’m trapped in the shower with him as there is something weird that happens to a fart in moisture-laden shower air. It seems to mix with the water droplets or something and goes through your sinus passages straight to your brain.

And for years I used to tell my girlfriends; “ya know, he would actually be the perfect guy if it wasn’t for the farting.”

I HATED it. And no matter how many times I told him I hated it, he would just laugh. And then probably fart. And laugh again. Because he can do them on command, like that. Just summon them like a snake charmer.

I was never a farter up until this point. Looking back I’m sure there must have been farts come out or I think you die but I just literally never did them in front of anyone. Ever. I couldn’t if I wanted to. My butt was just too damn shy.

Fanny farts however, well you don’t have any say-so in those. BTW: What’s the difference between a fridge and a fanny? The fridge doesn’t fart when you take the meat out! Sozz.

And then I think I had a stomach ache one day and I was complaining and he said “Just Fart.”

I said “I can’t!”

He said, “Yes you can” and he told me to lay on my stomach, on a pillow, on the bed and it would help. And, let me tell you my friends, he created a monster that day. Because I have never stopped. I think I have a problem now – I’ve got like 25 years of backed-up farts that now need to come out and yeah.. Anyway…we fart in front of each other all the time and take it in turns to yell at each other at how disgusting we are with occasional punches to the upper arms when they’re really, really bad. He is the world’s biggest hypocrite when it comes to thinking his are hilarious and mine are disgusting.

As for whether or not this behaviour is good for your relationship? A resounding of course it is. We are together for the good, the bad, and the ugly. And the stinky. Who the hell else CAN you fart in front of? If you can relax enough to ahh, just let things go then it shows you are both comfortable enough in your own skins and have enough trust in each other that there’s pretty much nothing you can’t face together.

Now someone please pass that can of air freshener!