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Man Has to Give His MIL a Lesson in the Correct Wiping Technique for Little Girls

According to Grandma it Doesn’t Matter Which Way You Wipe as it Isn’t a Real Vagina Yet Anyway!

One thing that becomes apparent when you become a parent is how different the advice and information we are given is, compared to what our parents or grandparents were taught…and sadly in many cases, NOT taught. Oftentimes it’s possible to simply ignore any well intentioned advice from older relatives, but there are other times, such as if the person cares for. your child, that you have to assert that you’d like things done your way. One dad recently ran into some conflict with his mother-in-law whilst she was caring for his four-year-old daughter, which revealed that she was harbouring some very bizarre notions about the female anatomy!

My 4.5 yo daughter has a stomach bug, and has been having some diarrhea. My wife needed to take our son to an appt nd I needed to WFH today so my MIL came to watch after our daughter.
My daughter needed to use the bathroom, and I was going to excuse myself from my online meeting but my MIL said she had it. A bit later, my daughter came up to me and asked me to wipe her. I said to her, didn’t Grandma help you? (She knows how to wipe, but with her having diarrhea we’re helping her). She said yes, but Grandma wiped wrong. She said Grandma wiped in instead of out. (We’ve taught her to wipe out instead of in.)
I excused myself from my meeting to help wipe my daughter correctly. I went to find my MIL in the kitchen. I asked her, [daughter] says you wiped in instead of out? She said, I wiped her, you think there’s a better way? I told her it’s not healthy to wipe into the vagina, you need to wipe out. She said, and you have a vagina? I said no, but I have a daughter, and I won’t let her get an infection by wiping poop into her vagina. She said, [daughter] doesn’t have a real vagina yet, there’s no chance of infecting anything. I said, what…? Of course she has a real vagina, she’s a female. She said, girls don’t have real vaginas until their teenagers. And that there’s no chance of any infection because their vagina doesn’t actually develop until they’re a teenager. I was… dumbfounded. And I got angry.
I said to her, “You’re a woman, you raised three daughters, I’m married to one… you can’t possibly be this stupid?”
She told me I’m out of line and said if I can’t appreciate her help then she’s leaving. I told her I’m perfectly, in fact definitely more capable than her of caring for my daughter, and that she’s welcome to get out. She did leave, and about ten minutes layer my wife called me and said her mom was furious with me and said I was terrible to her and made her leave without any reason. After explaining, my wife is on my side.
AITA for defending my daughter’s “real” vagina?


Sorry. What did we just read? Not a ‘real vagina?’

Commenters were quick to point out that it was the urethra anyway, not the vagina that needed to be protected from bacteria causing urinary tract infections.

Sex ed deficiency aside, a urethra is not a sex organ and wiping front to back is for UTI prevention, so the grandma missed several anatomy lessons here – essellkay

Well she pees, so she clearly has a urethra and can get a UTI from fecal bacteria. Your MIL seems kinda ignorant. – mrsagc90

I have met three adults that thought women peed out of their vaginas. They were all women. One of the many reasons comprehensive sex ed is essential. – Deiter Knutsen

Many commenters praised the little girl for bringing the issue to her dad’s attention, and praised him also for having the sort of relationship with his young daughter that allowed her to do this.

NTA obviously but I just want to take a moment and acknowledge that your daughter did such a good job of advocating for herself in that situation!! I hope you and your wife have a talk with her to reinforce that she did the right thing!!


Not only do I applaud you for teaching your young daughter to advocate for herself but also for educating yourself on proper care for female anatomy. So often men are ignorant of the female body and proper care and hygiene of female body parts. You deserve the utmost respect for that alone.Also, clearly NTA lol – angie-anj919

However, not everyone thought he handled the situation appropriately.

I know it will be hard to accept but education for women about their own bodies is absolutely shit in some areas. Like really, embarrassingly bad. I’ve met adult women who cannot accurately tell you how many holes they have, believe they pee from their vagina, or can’t correctly label their vagina vs their vulva, urethra, labia and clit.

It is possible your MIL genuinely believes what she is saying and you made her feel stupid and she’s embarrassed and hurt.

YTA. You’re right she’s stupid, but you shouldn’t have called her stupid to her face.

Whenever I have a disagreement with close friends and family, I try to hold back the worst of my fury, because I want to see these people again, right??? Your MIL is an idiot if she thinks girls don’t get a real vagina until they’re teens, but calling her stupid was going too far. If the person saying such a moronic thing were a stranger or someone you didn’t care about seeing ever again, then have at it and take them down with a verbal assault! HA! But this is your mother-in-law and she’s not going away. Even if you divorce your wife, this stupid, stupid woman will always be your daughter’s grandmother. – Muskicat


Your MILs take that vaginas aren’t real until teenage years is one of the strangest things I’ve ever heard. But once your daughter came to you with her concerns and you fixed the problem, I can’t imagine why you would enter a discussion with your MIL on vagina wiping technique. You already knew that she didn’t do a good job so just cross her off the wiping wingman position and keep it moving. – olneyvideo

She is obviously wrong, girls are born with vaginas and there absolutely is an infection risk wiping back to front, but you are also used the wrong terminology technically because the infection wouldn’t be in the vagina (most likely, it’s possible but highly unlikely) it would be a UTI in the urethra, or an irritation/topical infection of the vulva/labia. I would try to have a bit of compassion here for someone who has probably never been taught accurately about her own body. – HisPumpkin19

Personally, we think that being right doesn’t excuse being rude, and insulting his mother-in-law and throwing her out of the house infront of his young daughter takes some of the shine off the Superdad cloak he’s wearing! His MIL may be horribly misinformed, and was probably embarrassed at being taught about female anatomy by her son-in-law, so in this situation a little more compassion and patience would have gone a long way! So my verdict? No, he wasn’t an arsehole for standing up for his daughter’s real vagina, but he was an arsehole for calling. his MIL ‘stupid.’
What side of the fence do you sit on with this one? Is he the arsehole or not?



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Jolene enjoys writing, sharing and connecting with other like-minded women online – it also gives her the perfect excuse to ignore Mount-Washmore until it threatens to bury her family in an avalanche of Skylander T-shirts and Frozen Pyjama pants. (No one ever knows where the matching top is!) Likes: Reading, cooking, sketching, dancing (preferably with a Sav Blanc in one hand), social media, and sitting down on a toilet seat that one of her children hasn’t dripped, splashed or sprayed on. Dislikes: Writing pretentious crap about herself in online bio’s and refereeing arguments amongst her offspring.

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