One new dad has had his arse handed to him by the internet after writing into the popular subreddit AITAH to complain about his wife kicking him out of the delivery room while she was in active labour. Annoyed by her husband playing chess on his phone, she told him to leave and send her dad in to support her instead. Despite being allowed back into the delivery room to witness the birth of his child, he doesn’t understand why she would still be upset with him and thinks that she owes him an apology.

My (M30) wife (F29) gave birth to our first son (M5days) recently. I would like to start by saying that I was very excited to have a baby and am truly looking forward to being a father. My wife did not have any health complications or a particularly difficult birth, except for an ultra long labour (27 hours total).

She slept through a lot of it in the beginning but as it got progressively worse, she started to get more uncomfortable. Since we had been in the room for a very long time, I had started to get antsy. We both played on the Nintendo in the beginning but she didn’t want to anymore as the labour progressed.

About 23 hours in, I started to play online chess on my phone as I held her hand through her contractions. She was fine with it at first, but then she snapped at me and told me to put my phone away. So I did. Then she told me off for bouncing my leg and then for drumming my fingers on the bed.

I told her to stop yelling at me and to tell me exactly what she wanted me to do, which was apparently the wrong thing to say because she told me to leave and send her father in instead. This really pissed me off and I told her that I was not going to miss the birth of my child. She said she’d call me back when it was time but I really needed to leave as I was getting on her last nerve.

I went out, where her parents were waiting and told her dad to go in. I was pretty upset, because I wanted to be there, to take care of her. Her mother tried to make me feel better, saying that it was a vulnerable time, and different women needed different things.

We were called in when she was finally giving birth, I caught the baby while her parents comforted her, just like we had planned. Everything seemed okay again, till her parents left and she asked if I was going to apologise. I told her that I didn’t think I needed to and that if anyone owed me an apology, it was her.

She has been annoyed ever since and is not properly talking to me.

So, reddit, AITA? Should I simply apologise?

edit: I wasn’t bored. I have adhd and was anxious.

Commenters did not hold back in telling them exactly what they thought about his contribution as ‘support person’ during his wife’s labour.

YTA. You were there as her support person, ie a person meant to support her during an incredibly physically painful time. I understand feeling anxious, but whatever you were feeling pales in comparison to what she was feeling. (MummyRath)

YTA. What should she apologize for? “Sorry you were bored while I was in labour! I should have brought some games and toys for you!”

You’re supposed to be there for her and be present. What’s the point of being there if you’re ignoring her and playing a game? Or being super annoying tapping your foot etc? I would have asked you to leave too. You sound insufferable. (specialangelguy)

YTA. You say you were upset that she sent you out because you wanted to take care of her, but you WEREN’T taking care of her, you were playing on your bloody phone, and when she asked you to put it away and focus on her and what she was going through, you made it absolutely clear to her how bored you were by drumming your fingers and bouncing your leg. How can you even ASK if you’re TA here? She needed your full attention and support while she went through the pain and trauma of pushing a whole ass human out of her, and you couldn’t give her more than your physical presence. YTA YTA YTA  (L1ttleFr0g)

People didn‘t believe that his ADHD was a valid excuse for his behaviour.

YTA. Someone giving birth is not about you. You should apologize. Yes, you have ADHD. But this was a moment in your life that was not supposed to be about you. I have friends and her husband pissed her off by playing phone games while she was birthing their first, he then had to really up his game for the second baby and be more useful because… he had realized he had damaged the relationship.

Did you read a book on childbirth? I would recommend “The Birth Partner” if you are ever going that way again. Also for a first time mom from start to finish 27 hours is not that long. I assume you mean labour total and not active labour as you say you were playing nintendo together early on for a distraction. She wanted you to be present (yes I have ADHD, I also gave birth five plus years ago).

Here is a reality check? The last few hours of labour are the most painful/intense difficult. And you were ON YOUR FUCKING PHONE. (StatisticNaive277)

One woman reported a similar experience whilst giving birth, and shared how it still impacted her 35 years later.

I, an ill-tempered old woman, resent my late husband to this very day for making the birth of our first child all about him. For yelling at me. For telling me the pain was my fault, I should have learned to do that stupid breathing system better. For being more concerned with his parents than me. It was the dawn of The Age of Resentment which continues to this day. Yes, even though it was more than 35 years ago. Yes, even though he has been dead for a decade. Yes, to this very day. YTA (IllTemperedOldWoman)

This may be our favourite comment in the thread though:

YTA.

Please print out your post here and the responses. Place them in your son’s baby book. When it comes time for your son’s partner to give birth, hand your son the papers and have him read them. Then tell him “Don’t be like me as I was truly an asshole to your mom.” (Beginning_Ad_6800)

What do you think? Would you kick out your partner if they weren’t supporting you during labour?