Having a baby can be a costly affair. Besides the costs of preparing a nursery, buying itty bitty clothes and stocking up on nappies, wipes and other essentials, depending on where you live in the world and your medical insurance, there can also be substantial hospital costs involved for the delivery. In America, hospital cost can be especially high, as one mum-to-be writing into Reddit recently confirmed that her hospital bill for the delivery of her baby was likely to be eight thousand dollars. But it wasn’t the cost of delivering her child that she was writing into the sub Reddit Mommit to complain about – it was her mother in laws whacky suggestion on how they could save on this cost, and why she was so insistent about it.
Last night my husband got a call from his mom asking would we give his sister money ($300) to attend a funeral out of town next month for their uncle. My husband’s family is pretty bad with money and his sister and his mom both currently owe us thousands. (We both reconciled that by “loaning” them this money we’d never see it again).
I pull up records I have of what they owe and for what to give DH context during the call about what they owe, and remind him that thanks to my crappy insurance, we’re going to be on the hook for an $8k hospital bill in a couple months. He relays the hospital bill information to my MIL, saying sorry mom we have some significant expenses coming up and can’t afford to pay for her ticket.
He tells her how much the bill will be and cue the shouting. “Why are you doing that?!” “Why don’t you just have the baby at home?” Which I would honestly prefer, but it’d be $13k if we tried at home and then had to transfer. Shouting continues…“I had all my babies at home! I have some midwifery experience, I’ll just deliver the baby myself!”
If her MIL was an actual real life midwife then her suggestion might not be quite so horrifying (if we were also to ignore the whole money borrowing angle to her argument), but does she really expect her daughter-in-law to risk the life of herself and her unborn baby because she has ‘some experience.? Yes, apparently, she absolutely does! According to the mum-to-be, we’d be absolutely right to question these dubious claims.
Ok, so problem 1, yes she had 6 kids at home, BUT my idiot FIL left CHUNKS of placenta inside her and she got pretty serious infections 3 of the 6 times. All infections required a minimum 2 day hospital stay, and she’s honestly lucky to be alive. Problem 2, she likely has the same “training” idiot FIL received in the 70’s and putting aside that her knowledge is sorely out of date, she’s not a licensed midwife. Problem 3, I don’t want her within 5 miles of me when I’m having this baby, let alone near my bits catching my son. Problem 4, you’re only offering this so we’ll give you more money??? No.
Readers were quick to offer their advice for dealing with the situation.
I would personally stop talking to this woman and put your partner in charge of it. Stop sharing your expenses- they don’t need those receipts- and start embracing no as a complete sentence. And don’t entertain this stupid home birth plan. – (total_totoro)
Dutchie here and alot of woman here do choose homebirth. We do however have a trained specialist at home during labor with equipment to keep the vitals of the baby in check. Once something seems off we get transported to the hospital anyway which is usually in the area (a 12 minutes drive away for me for instance) and if an ambulance is needed they’re usually here in a matter of minutes. Maybe 10.
Getting transferred to the hospital even though you chose homebirth happens very frequently and is absolutely fine. Giving birth safely at home also happens very frequently with propor care and is also fine. Letting your crappy, moneygrubbing, untrained MIL deliver your baby at home? Nah! – (Deanbi)
No, no, no way in hell!! She literally wants to birth what I’m assuming is your first child (since there wasn’t any mention of your previous births, only hers – correct me if I’m wrong) with her 1970’s training.
Tell her & your SIL that they can get jobs & save money for their expenses. They are NOT your financial responsibility. – (FLtoNY2022)
But this comment by Reddit user Succulentmama seems to sum it up perfectly. “How disgustingly selfish of your MIL. She wants you to sacrifice the birth of your baby so you can afford to “loan” her daughter money? I would be going HARD no contact with these people. She is out of her god damned mind.”
So there you have it! I bet your own Mother-in-Law doesn’t seem quite so bad after all, after reading that, does she?