Birthing a baby is physically exhausting, and for some women can be quite an ordeal. Whilst some may welcome their family into the hospital to meet their new arrival as soon as possible, others prefer to have some time to get to know their baby first and heal in privacy. One couple who opted for the later have been hounded by the woman’s parents for refusing to send them a photo of their newborn. Are the grandparents just naturally excited about the arrival of their grandson, or are they adding unnecessary stress to what should be a happy time for the couple?
I gave birth to my first baby on Oct. 10
When we got checked in at the hospital, my husband and I obviously told a few people – including my parents. My mom’s immediate reaction was “let us know if you change your mind and want us to come to the hospital!” Even though for weeks I said I didn’t want anyone at the hospital. Then she said she was packing and said “we are coming of course! But not to the hospital.” They assumed they could wait at my house. I said no.
After 21 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing, my son was born and we let my parents know. Immediately they were asking for photos. I understand they are excited and already love him, but holy shit I felt they were being needy and not respecting that I was tired, talking to hospital staff, trying to learn to breastfeed, etc.
Once we got moved to a recovery room, my husband and I talked and decided to hold off on sending pictures to anyone, including to his favorite two people (his dad and grandmother) so it’s not like my parents were being singled out. I can’t really even explain why we don’t want to send pics of our son out right now. We both just have some anxiety about sending a photo to someone and then that photo spreading like wild fire to people we did not consent to having a photo of our son sent to so we’ve just decided to hold off. Not forever, but for now. We’ve literally already talked about how excited we are to send our first Christmas cards this year! So this isn’t a forever thing.
My parents lost their minds. Blew up both our phones, stressed me out to the point of tears so husband called my dad to ask them to stop and my dad had the balls to hang up on my husband and then my dad tells me that him and husband don’t need to speak or see each other again.
when I was discharged and sent home I sent my parents three texts about us being home and asking to FaceTime them so they could see my son via video since we weren’t doing photos. They ignored me.
We finally FaceTimed yesterday and my mom told me she had been sobbing all day and it was “torture” waiting for a photo. I told her she made my labor all about her and that no one asked me and husband what we wanted. It was all about what they wanted. They said they don’t understand the photo thing. Everyone else in the world sends photos of new babies. I said I don’t care about the world and I totally see how sending a photo seems like no big deal and our decision seems irrational but you don’t have to understand it. You just have to respect it. Well that didn’t go over well.
So tell me the truth, am I being dramatic? Am I the AH? My mom said I probably cried in the recovery room not because they stressed me out but because I was just hormonal and tired.
Be honest with me, are my husband and I drawing a hard line over something nonsensical?
The new mum’s post was met with plenty of support, and many thought the couple were right to enforce their rules around their child from the start.
NTA. Take it from someone whose in-laws had a similarly hysterical reaction to boundaries around a newborn: now is the time for you and your husband to stand your ground and insist your parents respect your wishes, otherwise they will act this way every time you don’t do things they way they want you to. (coffeemom23)
You’re mom and dad now – congratulations! You get to make the rules of your household and about sharing pictures of your kid as wild as you please. These are very normal feelings to have. Youre good!
She’s minimizing what you went through. She is basically telling you your thoughts and feelings don’t matter.
Not today Satan. You and your husband do you. Stand strong. They’ll come crawling back if they want a place in their grandkids life – on YOUR terms.
You’re mom and dad now. Your rules are the rules. They can have whatever feelings they want over them. They’re still the rules. (Seapps63)
NTA. You just created a human being. Your parents can wait a little bit before seeing a photo. Grandparents survived for thousands of years without being able to see instant photos of their grandchildren when they were born, your parents can wait a few days. You can send out the pics of your child whenever you want for whatever reason you want.
And your parents didn’t just get mad about it getting instant gratification – they went to emotional manipulation immediately. Keep in mind – this is probably a snapshot of your relationship with them in the future when they don’t get what they want when they want it. So it’s good that you held your ground now – set the boundaries now and let them know you will not be manipulated or ordered around. (bamf1701)
One person even suggested that since the grandparents had ignored the invitation to Facetime, it was more about having the photos to share than wanting to see the baby.
Grandbaby photos are serious currency in the grandma boasting scene. Your mother really really wants to dunk on all her friends; she thinks that ‘everyone’ circulates baby photos because all her friends do, and she has likely been promising them pictures. And you are correct: any picture she gets will be circulated far and wide within moments of her receiving it. Her refusal of the facetime offer proves that she’s not interested in seeing or meeting her grandchild, it is in having grandbaby IP to upload. I’d hold the line. NTA (south3y)
However, not everyone agreed with the couple’s decision to withhold photographs from family.
ESH – Sorry but boy are you overly dramatic. One photo wouldn’t have killed you., your precocious baby looks exactly like 2000000 other babies. I know first time moms tend to be over the top but both of you created this problem. Should they respect your decision? yea sure I guess, but I get where they are coming from. So much drama over something so stupid. (Leourana)
I agree. It’s a newborn. It’s not the same as a toddler or an older kid doing something embarrassing and posting that on the internet for all to see until the end of time.
They should be more respectful of your boundaries, and you’re allowed to be private. But man is this really the hill to die on? (Kla1996)
This is the only reasonable comment I saw for real. Have your husband take a photo, send it in a group text and forget about it. (bluegirlami21)
Some commenters couldn’t understand why the couple would want to potential damage a relationship with loved ones over something so trifling.
ESH. Just remember that when you put someone in their place, you can’t undo it! If someday you need something from them (babysitting, help, errands), don’t expect them to treat your child as someone special to them, when you didn’t treat them as someone special to him. I have seen this exact same scenario play out in my own family. (Responsible-Test8855)
Like there is definetely some anxiety issues maybe pregnancy hormones things that they’re not addressing for what it is and blaming it on those around them who are just excited for their baby.
Look at the big picture. Your own parents are no longer excited about their own grandbaby, your husband, and maybe even you. And you caused that. If you genuinely care about your child, fuck the boundaries of their “appearance being shown in photos that they didnt consent to”. How about they didnt consent to you destroying their relationship with their grandparents and their grandparents neighbours before they could even meet them. How about those boundaries you just broke?? (luzerella)
I guess I’m going against the grain but YTA. Coming from a mom who’s had to defend herself many times from the older generation being pushy for what they want, yes I think this is dramatic. (I use that word because you used it, and it applies).
I can’t imagine how heartbroken my family would have been if I didn’t send them a picture of my baby when she was born. It’s not like they were going to share it with random people. Even if they did send it to friends or relatives, why would that have been the worst thing? I think you need to look at the bigger picture. You have family who love you and care about you and this child. They don’t have ill intentions towards you. (ImJustAnonymousHere)
What do you think? Are they right to withhold photographs of their child from their family for the first few weeks or are they making a big deal over nothing?