One new mum gave her husband’s mother more than she bargained for recently when she showed up to the dinner table wearing no shirt, half a bra and a baby hanging off one nipple. Having withstood a series of exhausting run ins with her mother-in-law whilst breastfeeding her baby in the privacy of the nursery, the woman decided to teach the older woman a lesson she wouldn’t forget in a hurry!
I’ve dreaded posting for a while because I’m afraid I might be the AH. But i just gotta know. So here goes. My parents in law and brother in law came to visit and stay for a month with my husband (27M) and i (28F) after i had my baby. For context if it makes any difference, I’m German, husband and his family are Italian. The baby was 3 months old at the time and i breastfeed her. Usually I’d just nurse on the couch in the living room but because company was staying, I’d go to my bedroom. After i nursed her, she’d fall asleep and take a nap and I’d have some free time. Since family was visiting, i tried to plan her naps around our mealtime to spend time with family uninterrupted. My mother in law has this thing that when food is on the table, you be there pronto. Sometimes I’d be late coming to a meal because babies can be unpredictable and she wouldn’t fall asleep right away or nursed longer than normal. To this my mother in law would barge into my room and annouce food was ready, all impatient. This startled the baby and made the process last much longer than it should have. The result is I had to eat much later than everyone else, alone, and the food was cold. It left me fuming. More work to do with the baby and I’m secluded. This happened several times. I asked my husband to talk to her and explain i can’t always come on time. He talked to her but she still did all this anyway. So i simply decided to stop being late to the dinners. The next time she barged in my room and announced food was ready, i came without hesitation. I came to the table exactly as i was. No shirt, half a bra, baby hanging on one tit. (nothing was seen as the baby’s head covered up everything anyway but still) Ensue uproar. Goes something like: MIL exclaims what the hell I’m doing at the table like this. I’m indecent, there are men at the table. I should be ashamed. I yell back what the hell does she keep calling me to the table for if I’m not yet ready. I have no reason to be in my room alone with my baby while everyone else is out having a great time together. Brother and FIL are trying not to get in on the argument. Husband ushers me back to my room and scolds me, taking his mother’s side. He means he gets I’m frustrated but this action didn’t help anything. But… After that MIL didn’t bother again while i was busy with the baby. So what if i came to some meals a little after everyone had started eating. The roof didn’t cave in! Anyways everyone lived happily ever after. The end. AITA?
People in the comments praised the woman’s bold move.
NTA. A well-placed piece of malicious compliance. (ThinkingTOOLoud)
I love you. You were perfect. Your husband and his family are assholes. NTA (corgihuntress)
NTA Damn, you’d think a woman whose had at least 2 children would’ve figured out generally how babies work by now (Baileythenerd)
Other women shared similar experinces in which they felt judged for feeding their own child.
I found that older women were far far worse than almost every man with the misogyny around breast feeding. (Georgia0Qweefe)
Yup! My MIL didn’t breastfeed and was highly unsupportive of me when I did with my babies. I basically hid in the other room when I went over. It made me feel bad. (Toocool4school41)
It was clear from the comments that nobody thought that coming to the table feeding her child was an asshole move, but her husband was judged as harchly as his mother for failing to stick up for his wife.
I am very rationally angry at this husband.
Imagine ignoring how your mom yells at your wife, how your mom makes loud noises that prevent your baby from sleeping, that your wife is socially isolated, that it is ok for her to eating cold food leftovers, and just generally not having her back when people body shame her for feeding your child? What a disappointment. (moreKEYTAR)
Your MIL is an asshole and so is your spineless mama’s boy of a husband.
Your mother in law deliberately barged in and startled a feeding baby and made demands of her mother. Not cool. Also it is not indecent to feed your child in your own home or indeed elsewhere. She started this and you ended it.
What an appalling house guest.
NTA. MIL had it coming. I have a huge problem with your husband, though. He shouldn’t be scolding you, but his interfering mother! You were just wanting to feed your baby uninterrupted and have your own dinner afterwards. All very reasonable. MIL had to have her ridicoulous powerplay at every meal. You did exactly the right thing, since your husband wouldn’t help you. And it worked! (FragrantEconomist386)
For many women, having so many guests in your home directly after having a baby would be a huge no-no, and that’s even if they are well-mannered and helpful guests. Many thought she would be well within her rights to kick them out of her home and never let them stay again after the way she had been so poorly treated.
NTA. You are my hero. Your house, your baby, your boobs. If your asshole MIL has a problem with any of these things she can stay at a hotel.
Your husband is an asshole. What kind of man would be okay with his family eating a hot meal while his wife ate cold food because she was feeding his child. Everyone should have and could have waited for you. Going forward they would need to stay at a hotel. (Banana_Puddin11)
How would you have dealt with a situation like this?