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People Share the Dumbest Way They’ve Ever Injured Themselves

Have you ever injured yourself in a way that in retrospect could really have been avoided? I’m talking about the kind of accident that when people ask you what happened you’re tempted to make something cool up because the truth makes you look like a bit of an idiot. Well, these people have, and they’re pretty funny…very dumb, but also very funny!

I got a cut on the bridge of my nose so I ran and got some antibacterial spray. I was confident in my ability to aim, which resulted in me macing myself in both eyes. (chewie83)

When I was really young I found pepper spray in my big brother’s drawer and thought it was perfume so I sprayed it on my hand and and tried smelling it. My eyes burned like hell for the next 3-4 hours. (tamgih)

I was 13, found a can of black spray paint and wanted to spray paint my girlfriend’s name on the side of a shed. The spray nozzle was missing, so I thought, well, if you press down it makes the paint come out. So I went and found a nail to stick down in the little nozzle hole in the top of the can–and instantly got blinded by a burning sheet of black mist right across my eyes.

My mom had to drive me to the clinic, where I had to sit in the waiting room with a bunch of others. Embarrassing. I had a red face with a black band like a raccoon mask across my eyes, and I hid under a towel. No real damage from the paint chemicals though, thank God. (Alternative-Amoeba20)


You ever sneeze so hard you slip a disc in your C3/4? Super special. (Frenchie1984_1984)

While standing I dropped a wrench and quickly swung my arm towards it to try to catch it and ended up punching myself in the sack. (manolid)

2 important notes about me first: I have big boobs and have really bad eyesight so without my glasses I can’t see anything. I was doing my regular self check for lumps while in the shower and I’m holding my boob when I see something black on my boob and near my armpit. I immediately thought SPIDER! and literally THREW my boob with both hands. Obviously it is not detachable and it pulled my skin and then slammed back onto my chest. It hurt so bad. For days I couldn’t lift my right arm without it hurting the right side and underneath of my boob and skin to my armpit. And the pressure from the bra was so uncomfortable. Anyways, it wasn’t a spider it was a few hairs that had fallen out and clumped up. (agbmom)

I was going on a beach vacation so … I bought a Groupon for a wax package unknowingly from a beauty school.

I went in for a wax (leg, armpit, bikini). I had 2 ladies working on me and I was like damn, I’m gonna get out of here so fast as they were done my armpits and legs within 10 minutes.

Cue the bikini wax… Where it was just one of the ladies. She couldn’t have been taking smaller strips off, until she got to my labia whereby all of a sudden I felt something very hot. The instructor had walked in and I heard “WHAT DID YOU DO?!?” which of course was the last thing you want to hear.

What she had done was cover my bits in wax – essentially gluing my inner labia to my outer labia and my clit. I will spare all of you the details of what happened next whereby she pried my parts apart with the wax “popsicle stick” thing and waxed it off. I was convinced she had ripped my clit off with the wax.

Needless to say, I never bought a Groupon again. (H3rta)


I was bending over to tie my shoe. I wasn’t paying attention to the lit candle at the edge of the coffee table that my shoes had been under. I lit my hair on fire. (thuskindlviscatter)

Stepped off the curb and broke my ankle. (Round_Trainer_7498)

Carrying trash down 3 flights of stairs. I missed the last step. Folded both ankles. (420slytherin)

Answering a phone. I was at work and sitting in a computer chair and the phone rang, the phone was above me mounted on the wall, I spun around and real quickly reached up and across my body and pulled something in my upper back. It hurt to breath for 2 weeks and the overall daily pain lasted for a month. Was hard to lift my right arm up above my chest. Got no sympathy from my wife because when I would complain she would say that I should have been more carful when doing such a dangerous task as answering the phone. (Formal_Command_5571)


Gave myself a concussion doing laundry. I was crouched down unloading the bottom dryer, stood up too quickly and banged the crown of my head directly into the open door of the dryer on top. People saw, I was mortified. (hide-your-feathers)

I smacked myself in the head with the cover of a toilet paper dispenser while i was in the bathroom of a store. Tried to tear off a length of toilet paper and managed to pull the dispenser cover off as well. (After_Ad_7740)

I broke my nose by throwing a metal softball bat up in the air and trying to catch it. Turns out I missed with my hands and caught it with my face. (RENOYES)

Have you ever injured yourself doing something stupid?

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Jolene enjoys writing, sharing and connecting with other like-minded women online – it also gives her the perfect excuse to ignore Mount-Washmore until it threatens to bury her family in an avalanche of Skylander T-shirts and Frozen Pyjama pants. (No one ever knows where the matching top is!) Likes: Reading, cooking, sketching, dancing (preferably with a Sav Blanc in one hand), social media, and sitting down on a toilet seat that one of her children hasn’t dripped, splashed or sprayed on. Dislikes: Writing pretentious crap about herself in online bio’s and refereeing arguments amongst her offspring.

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