Some of us are lucky enough to enjoy a good relationship with our mother-in-law, whilst others aren’t so fortunate. One woman, who stands firmly in the later camp wants to know whether she is in the wrong for refusing to cook her popular lasagne dish for the family Christmas get together, after her mother-in-law’s appalling behaviour the year before. When it comes to bad mother-in-law’s this woman takes the cake…or in this case, the lasagne!
I (30f) have been together with my husband Michael (31m) for 7 years. Married for 3 and dating for 4. My MIL (58f) has always hosted Christmas ever since I’ve known him.
I’ve always made lasagna for Christmas and other special occasions. I’m essentially the family lasagna maker, and I honestly don’t really mind since I love to cook and bake.
However, last year my MIL decided to make lasagna based off what she saw me doing when she was at my house and a receipe she she got off the internet. I was surprised that she prepared a pan of her own, but didn’t say anything and even got a small piece.
It did not taste good, and it was barely touched whilst mine had almost half gone near the end of the dinner. That infuriated my MIL, and she wound up doing a rant about how everyone loves me more than her and tried to throw my lasagna in the trash. I say tried because it mainly ended up on the floor.
Michael and I quickly left after that, and my MIL has not apologized for it since.
Yesterday she called me to confirm what I was making for Christmas this year, and on her list of things I should make was lasagna.
I politely said I wasn’t going to make lasagna due to last year’s incident and I’d be happy to make anything else. my MIL wasn’t as polite and called me vindictive for refusing to make the lasagna over a small mistake.
I just refused again and it made my MIL angrier so she told me that unless I show up with lasagna in hand, she wouldn’t let me be at the Christmas celebration.
My husband says its easier to just make the lasagna to keep the peace, and I shouldn’t hold my MIL’s mistake that she made out of anger against her.
Word got to my SIL and BIL from my MIL and they’re saying I should also make it even if it’s just half of what I would usually make.
Commenters were quick to point out that the mother-in-law hadn’t done anything by ‘mistake!’
Premeditated self-destructive failed strategy. Not a mistake.
This woman wanted, for whatever reason, to upstage OP, went through the effort of trying to make OP’s signature dish, did a poor job of it, then proceeded to rampage with revenge and destroy OP’s leftovers.
There are way too many deliberate actions in that event for any of her chosen behaviour to be a mistake. And she has not apologised.
I’d be insisting that husband joins OP in whatever other Christmas celebrations she’d prefer to attend from now on. They can send a cheap frozen lasagna to MIL’s as their RSVP “no” (Professional_Ruin953)
People were shocked that everyone else in the family seemed fine with acting like there was nothing wrong with how the mother had behaved.
Right?! Why is everyone ignoring MIL’s behavior? A grown woman behaving like a child and the family just going along with it?
I’m sorry OP, you married into a family with a narcissist at its head and everyone bows to her insane behavior out of fear.
It won’t get better. (witchbelladonna)
One person suggested flipping the script and pretending that she wasn’t bringing lasagne so as not to cause trouble, thus highlighting the mother-in-law’s abhorrent behaviour instead of ignoring it.
You could take a different tack. Tell everyone that after what happened last Christmas, you’ve decided not to bring your lasagna this year because of the tension it caused. Add that it was actually a bit of a relief not to have to bring one, because it’s hard work to get it to come out right. If you are not welcome without a lasagna, then wish them a wonderful holiday party, and maybe next year you’ll feel ready to make it again, and attend. (popPitifulme)
Another suggested taking a lasagne and making a scene by dropping it just to make a point.
My first thought is to bring a lasagna that has been dumped from a height into another pan and tell the guests “sorry for the mess, this is the one I saved from last year”.
You get to bring a little lasagna and remind everybody of what happened last year all at the same time.
But I can be pretty petty. And I have a spouse that would have my back.
Many people thought that she should take a stand and refuse to go to her mother-in-law’s house from now on, and start hosting her own Christmas event with people who appreciated her.
Time to start hosting Christmas at your house and inviting your friends and other relatives. Not one bite of my lasagna would ever pass that woman’s lips again. (Hairy-Dark9213)
Maybe your husband should make the lasagna, since he can’t be bothered to have your back.
NTA. But your husband is a massive one, so are your in-laws, and your MIL sounds positively unhinged.
If it were me, this is the hill I’d die on. There’s no way I’d go to her house again. Ever. For any reason.
That level of meanness and disrespect – you’re not welcome unless you bring the lasagna I threw in the trash last year – is some breathtaking assholery. (hoshiJones)
What do you think? How would you deal with a bat-shit crazy lasagne-dumping mother-in-law like this?