Woman Accused Of Being Petty For Not Wanting Cheating Partner In Delivery Room With Her
A man has accused his partner of being petty after she chose to have her best friend in the delivery room instead of him. Things came to a head after she caught him cheating but he still feels he has a right to witness the birth of his child. Does he?
Writing into Reddit, the man wants to know if he’s being the a**hole for calling his partner petty. Here’s what he said:
My ex and I were engaged but broke it off early into her pregnancy. We had a lot of issues, but our breakup was precipitated by her catching me sexting people behind her back and a couple of flings. Overall, we have kept it amicable through her pregnancy but I definitely wouldn’t call us friends.
I called to check on her since she is due within the next month and asked what the plan for delivery was. I guess I assumed I would be in the room when the baby is being born. She told me due to COVID precautions she is only allowed one person with her while she is in the hospital and she’s going to have her best friend with her-that I could meet the baby once she gets home. I got angry and told her it was petty and vindictive to not allow me in the room to witness our child’s birth. She snapped back and told me she needs someone who brings her comfort and she can be vulnerable with and that’s not me. AITA for calling her petty in this situation?
He went on to express that he has every right to be in the delivery room and thinks his ex is just withholding the baby from him as a form of revenge for his cheating. In fact, he believes she’s even using covid as an excuse of why his family can’t meet the baby either.
Edit to add: Since these have been questioned in the comments -I cheated on her. Yes some of it was before she was pregnant, she broke it off cause she caught me sexting when we were laying in bed one night and then found all the other stuff -We ended on the note we would try to be friends for the baby. We were going to try to go to counseling and see if we could fix things and work it out for the baby but then she caught me in a lie (not cheating again but related to lying trying to minimize her hurt due to what I’d done) and she cut me off completely other than giving me updates after each appointment and inviting me to a 3D ultrasound. It’s been entirely her choice to not be friends. -Her best friend hasn’t even been around for her pregnancy since she’s been traveling for work. She’s only coming back now to help with labor and recovery then leaving again. -Last, part of why I feel it’s pettiness motivating her choices is cause she is using COVID as a reason to keep my family from meeting the baby. She told me she thinks only my parents should meet her until she gets a bit older, and wants them to wear masks. But she’s still working as a nurse getting exposed to COVID DAILY so how is it really that much of a concern to her. I feel like it’s about control over the baby.
Commenters on Reddit pointed out to the poster that he should feel grateful that he’s at least being included in some way. They say that the woman had every right to block him completely after he was caught cheating.
One person wrote: “Giving birth is an incredibly difficult process so she has the right the focus on her comfort first. Really, I’m surprised she is even offering to let you see the child. I know many women that if while they were pregnant their partner cheated on them, then the father wouldn’t see anything but a court date for child support. You should be grateful she is being as civil as she is.”
Another added: “Yeah, not really sure what OP was expecting. He might be the father but birth is a medical procedure. It’s about getting the baby out safely. If you’re not a support person, of course you’re not invited. It is so not a time for the parent who bears none of the physical risk to start having tantrums about what’s fair. Calling the ex petty and vindictive after being the sole reason that she can’t view him as a source of support is extremely.”
While some commenters noted that even though he cheated on his partner, that doesn’t give her the right to stop him from being in his child’s life.
“Even when a man has acted like OP, it’s wrong for mothers to deny their child access to their father (unless there is objectively a risk from the father).
But there’s certainly nothing inappropriate about wanting a comforting person, during one of the most agonising experiences known to humankind (labour). There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to tolerate his presence (which could be stressful and upsetting at the best of times) whilst in such excruciating pain. There’s nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with him seeing her undressed, excreting bodily fluids, etc.
It’s his fault he is no longer a comforting presence to her, and it’s his fault they are no longer in an intimate relationship. But yet again (like the infidelity), he expects her to sacrifice her reasonable needs (this time whilst in indescribable agony), so his wants are met instead. Dude needs to check his general selfishness. It’s clearly alive and well,” they said.
What do you think? Should he have been allowed in the delivery room instead of the best friend?