Ask Eliza – “My Husband Buys the Exact Same Gifts for Me and His Mum. Is That Weird?”

Dear Eliza,

Is it weird that my husband buys his mum and I exactly the same gifts for Christmas and Mothers Day? Every year it is the same – identical scented candles, boxes of chocolates, earrings, and now perfume! Yep, we both received the same scent for Mother’s Day this year. 

I find it incredibly creepy that he bought both his wife and his mother the exact same perfume! 

It is starting to give me the shits but I don’t want to appear ungrateful. I don’t know if he’s selecting the gifts with me in mind and then thinks his mum would like the same or the other way round. Either way, I’m not happy about it but don’t know how to tell him without coming across as a selfish cow. At least he buys me something, right?

What do your readers think? Am I being unreasonable here? What should I say to him about it without hurting his feelings?

{Lisa, Altona, VIC}

Thanks for your email, Lisa.

I’m trying to figure out whether your husband is being lazy and unthoughtful or if he is just extremely smart!!

Does he look for two-for-one deals on purpose? Is he trying to turn you into his mother? Or does he just think “this will do” and pick up two items and call it a day? Are your cards the same as well?

I know you know that it really isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but gifts should be a personal thing, selected with thought and purpose with the individual in mind. Grabbing two identical items is hardly showing you that you are the most important person in his life, is it?

Perhaps he genuinely believes that you will both enjoy matching gifts? Maybe it’s like when you buy presents for children, you have to make sure you get them the same ones otherwise there will be fights. Perhaps he’s picturing you and your mother in law having a dust up over who got the better gift so he just gets you the same, like I do with my toddlers. I mean it’s unlikely, but stranger things have happened I guess!

How does your mother in law react to the duplicate gifts? Do you think she finds it funny or strange?

Bringing it up with him is tricky – as you said, you don’t want to appear ungrateful. Can you turn it into a running joke with the family? Make a point of saying “It happened again!! We got identical gifts AGAIN! Glad I didn’t ask for a vibrator!” or something to that effect. Or ask your MIL if she has plans to ask for anything specific for Christmas so you have an idea of what you will be getting. He may get the hint that what works for one may not be ideal for the other.

Or, you could simply return the favour, and start getting him the same gifts that you buy for your own father! I’m sure your husband would start taking more care with his present-buying if he were on the other end of his own behaviour!

At the end of the day, it’s a “first world problem” that’s slightly irritating but overall not that big of a deal. And as long as he doesn’t call you Mummy when you get your freak on, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

Good luck!

What do you think? Do you have an opinion to share?

If you have a question for Eliza, send it to her at [email protected]