Ask Eliza – “Am I Too Old to Have Another Baby?”

Dear Eliza,

My partner and I had our first child four years ago and we would love to give her a little brother or sister but I worry that I’m too old. Partner is 43 and I turned 41 last year.

My parents and younger sisters are always making comments that I am now past it and that we will have to raise our daughter as an only child due to my age. This is upsetting and I know I can tell them all to piss off but their words are starting to get to me and make me worry that they are right.

I deeply regret not starting earlier, but life kind of had other plans for us. We are happy with our daughter but our family doesn’t feel complete.

What do you think? Are we too old to have any more children? I would love to hear some reassurance from your readers that they had successful pregnancies into their forties.

Thanks heaps.

{name withheld, Melbourne, Vic}

Thanks for your email. I can see why you would be concerned about your age if you have your family in your ear making negative comments. That would be enough to give anyone the shits to be honest! I certainly wouldn’t appreciate hearing that, especially if my heart was set on growing my family.

First and foremost, you should tell your parents and sisters to keep their opinions about your fertility to themselves. It is none of their business, plain and simple. While I understand their concern for you, this is not their lives we’re talking about, it is yours. You get to make that decision for your own family, their opinions bare NO weight. None.

So the next time someone brings it up, tell them firmly that they can take their opinions and shove them. You’re not interested in listening to any dialogue about your own body and your fertility plans, and you refuse to talk about it.

Now, as for being too old, I have just the one thing to say about that:

BOLLOCKS.

Women successfully have babies well into their forties, and while it is less common, it is still very much a thing — providing you are able to fall pregnant in the first place. You made no mention of how you conceived your first child, nor did you mention any health issues that may prevent any future pregnancies. I am taking that as a sign that you conceived naturally and had a relatively complication-free pregnancy the first time around, and that there is a good chance this will happen again.

Older mums do have a greater chance of a high-risk pregnancy, but that is hardly a reason to pull up stumps on the whole idea. The only way to find out is to contact your GP for a general health check-up and a chat about your options moving forward. Having a baby in your early forties is nothing to worry about if your health providers give you the all-clear.

I wish you all the very best of luck. Now ignore your family, book a doctor’s appointment, and start practising!