Can Someone Please Give Me a Cure for Blushing?

Is there anything more embarrassing than blushing?

According to Wikipedia, people who suffer from social anxiety, or are sensitive to emotional stress are the ones most likely to suffer from chronic blushing causing the blood vessels on the face, neck and upper chest to turn red which may take several minutes to go away. Charles Darwin described the condition as “…the most peculiar and most human of all expressions.”

One explanation for the blushing is “a blush’s visibility sends a signal to others that we are ashamed or embarrassed and that we recognise that something is out of place, that we are sorry and we wish to rectify it.”

Wahhh but I don’t wanna send signals!!!

If there were a competition for who could blush the fastest, for the longest amount of time, and the most often I would win it, Hands Down.

In one of my first jobs at an insurance company, the staff could only take breaks at allocated times in groups. We all had to pour into the lunch room together, grab our coffee and donut and then sit crammed around two big tables. People would take it in turns to speak and whenever someone asked me a question my heart would start to race, knowing that 20 sets of eyes were on me, looking at me, listening to me and I felt like a rabbit in the headlights. Don’t look at me…!!!! There’s too MANY of you….!!! And it would happen, the heat would radiate from the top of my forehead down to my chest and I knew I was turning bright red. Fuck.

When people have intense eye contact with me, even if it’s just one-on-one I may also blush for no apparent reason. If I think that they think they have said something that might cause embarrassment like the other day when a mate said that his nurse sister-in-law was telling him the grossest things they see in theatre and her answer was smelly vaginas, I immediately blushed. Because I didn’t want him to think I had one?? I don’t know why!!!! And then I was embarrassed that I blushed because he probably thought maybe I do suffer from some sort of smelly vagina syndrome. Fuck.

And if I think that someone thinks I’m guilty of something – OMG. As innocent as I actually am, that is the EASIEST way to get me blushing. I was at lunch with a very close friend from work and she was telling me that she thinks someone lagged on her to the boss. My immediate response? To turn bright red because I thought I hope she doesn’t think it was me so then I immediately looked like it was me when it wasn’t. I confirmed her suspicion that I was guilty when I was 100% innocent. And I should have said something but I was so taken up in the moment of blushing that all my efforts were to STOP BLUSHING rather than speak up and say “it wasn’t me”. Fuck.

When people make fun of me, I blush. When I’m clumsy and trip over (often), I blush. When I’m angry, I blush.

The other day my husband sprung me taking a wrong turn when unbeknownst to me he was following behind me. He pulled up alongside me to poke fun at me and told me how red my face was. Over a wrong turn. To my OWN husband.

I don’t think I have social phobia. I like talking to people, meeting people and going to parties so I think I have just WAY too much self awareness. And I’ve tried to roll with it, you know – just accept the blush and don’t think about it but I get so hot and flustered I get squirmy in my chair and I have to take my jumper off or get up and walk away to distract myself which just draws further attention to myself. Ugh.

And I have so much sympathy for other blushers, if I even think someone is starting to blush I will change the subject, look away from them or walk away to allow them a chance to recover because I know how horrible it is for me. A lot of other people however, do not allow me that luxury as they will point out to me that I’m blushing (thank you) or just continue to stare even more intensely at me trying to get to the truth of my clear deception!

Please, anyone out there? Have you got help for me?