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I’m the Mum Who…

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I run and manage events for working parents. I extract marbles from nasal passages. I have very important meetings with very important people. I dodge mashed potato being flung across a room. I lecture the future of Australia in event management as an expert in the field. I trip over three matchbox cars a day. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a business owner, a negotiator, a mess! It would be easier to negotiate a Middle Eastern peace deal than be a working mum.” Penny Webb is the founder of the Working Mums and Mumpreneur MASTERCLASS event series and blogs at Sshh Mummys on the Phone.

I’m the Mum Who… 

 

Mrs Woog (http://woogsworld.com) sent me the link to this video below when I was 6 months pregnant with now 4YO.

 

I smiled. It was clever. It was funny. I appreciated the creativity. 

 

 

CREDIT Anita Renfroe: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYukEAmoMCQ

 

I watched it again 2 years later and roared with laughter and cried with frustration. I appreciated the honesty! – I got it. 

 

I had become a parent and understood. And was guilty myself of saying a number of those Mum-isms. 

 

The same day she told me that if I hadn’t thrown now 4YO out the window by the time he was 6 weeks old, I was doing ok…..tongue in cheek, of course to those who aren’t familiar with Mrs Woog’s unique sense of humour….At the time I was shocked. Goodness! Would that even be a consideration? 

 

A couple of months later, I understood. 

 

And a triumphant phone call to Mrs Woog was placed at 6 weeks. I was doing ok. 

 

And since then I have become the Mum who takes shortcuts.

 

I have become the Mum who has a little guilt, who takes her eye off the ball and does what she does to get through the day. 

 

I have become the Mum who…

runs past you at daycare drop off and pick up because she is about to embark on a 1.5 hr drive to work. Thank you Sydney traffic. 

 

joined a gym and never went

 

hangs her husband’s shirts out on the line on coathangers and squishes them together in the cupboard so she doesn’t have to iron them

 

pulls her wet hair up in a ponytail and bun because she has no time to dry it

 

has a wet collar and drips running down the back of her neck

 

looks longingly at girls who have had the time to GHD their hair into soft curls

 

now has to pluck grey hairs from her eyebrows

 

now has to pluck black hairs from her chin

 

has a forest on her legs and the canopy under her armpits

 

prefers a ballet flat to a stiletto heel

 

accidentally shrinks her trackie pants in the wash but still wears them (indoors)

 

gets her kids clothes mixed up and sends 4YO to daycare in 1YO’s pants

 

sends 4YO to daycare without any shoes on

 

forgets 4YO’s and 1YO’s daycare bags

 

tried meditating but spent most of the time pondering the sock black hole that seems to exist in her washing machine

 

has to look under the couch for any missing household items thanks to 1YO and the lack of regular cleaning under said couch

 

tried to cook a batch of cupcakes, failed and now buys them instead

 

gets up at 5am to work before the kids get up

 

is asleep in her wine at 9pm because I. Have. Not Stopped. For 16 hours

 

uses lots of fullstops to make a point

 

likes wine

 

has not driven her car for 4 months because of major ongoing mechanical faults (link to orange text – another of my blog posts

http://sshhmummysonthephone.blogspot.com/2011/05/motorboats-towtrucks-and-pork-buns.html) that have so far cost $5600

and is still not rectified

 

can’t use her shower because of a leak that means ripping out the bathroom

 

has a broken front door

 

has to work her arse off (and yes, it is more effective than a gym) to help pay for all of this

 

misses one on one conversations with her mum which are now either interrupted by constant 1YO and 4YO

chatter or take the form of, ‘the kids dinner is in the fridge’ on her way out to work and her mum’s way in to babysit

 

tries to do the right thing by one person which results in the wrong thing for another every now and then

 

now lusts after panellists on ABC TV shows instead of rock stars in tight white pants

 

buys things off ebay to save money

 

sells things on ebay to make money (last year’s Christmas was thanks to ebay)

 

has her ‘quiet’ time in the bathroom interrupted by a 1YO and a singing circus car

 

has stinging eyes from exhaustion

 

has stinging skin from all the anti-aging concoctions she tries

 

spends most of her time at the pharmacy and doctor placating eczema, unidentified rashes, wheezy coughs,

nuclear coloured snot and having ticks removed from 4YO

 

has USS (unidentified snot stains) on work shirts and work pants ONLY discovered and identified on arrival at work

 

kisses 1YO’s injuries better when he divebombs his brother from the third step, walks backwards into the wall,

walks forwards into the wall or falls off his circus car doing a doughnut

 

eats doughnuts in the laundry. By herself.

 

cries to herself every now and then because sometimes it all gets a little bit too much

 

got told by her 4YO on his birthday yesterday, ‘I love you Mummy because you play with me.’

 

Thank you gorgeous boy. I love you too. Even in your odd socks and brother’s pants. 

 

CONTACT LINKS:

 

B: http://sshhmummysonthephone.blogspot.com/

F: http://facebook.com/sshhmummysonthephone

T: @pennyworkingmum

W: http://workingmumsmasterclass.com.au

F: http://facebook.com/workingmumsmasterclass

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