I run and manage events for working parents. I extract marbles from nasal passages. I have very important meetings with very important people. I dodge mashed potato being flung across a room. I lecture the future of Australia in event management as an expert in the field. I trip over three matchbox cars a day. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a business owner, a negotiator, a mess! It would be easier to negotiate a Middle Eastern peace deal than be a working mum.” Penny Webb is the founder of the Working Mums and Mumpreneur MASTERCLASS event series and blogs at Sshh Mummys on the Phone.
Mrs Woog (http://woogsworld.com) sent me the link to this video below when I was 6 months pregnant with now 4YO.
I smiled. It was clever. It was funny. I appreciated the creativity.
CREDIT Anita Renfroe: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYukEAmoMCQ
I watched it again 2 years later and roared with laughter and cried with frustration. I appreciated the honesty! – I got it.
I had become a parent and understood. And was guilty myself of saying a number of those Mum-isms.
The same day she told me that if I hadn’t thrown now 4YO out the window by the time he was 6 weeks old, I was doing ok…..tongue in cheek, of course to those who aren’t familiar with Mrs Woog’s unique sense of humour….At the time I was shocked. Goodness! Would that even be a consideration?
A couple of months later, I understood.
And a triumphant phone call to Mrs Woog was placed at 6 weeks. I was doing ok.
And since then I have become the Mum who takes shortcuts.
I have become the Mum who has a little guilt, who takes her eye off the ball and does what she does to get through the day.
I have become the Mum who…
• runs past you at daycare drop off and pick up because she is about to embark on a 1.5 hr drive to work. Thank you Sydney traffic.
• joined a gym and never went
• hangs her husband’s shirts out on the line on coathangers and squishes them together in the cupboard so she doesn’t have to iron them
• pulls her wet hair up in a ponytail and bun because she has no time to dry it
• has a wet collar and drips running down the back of her neck
• looks longingly at girls who have had the time to GHD their hair into soft curls
• now has to pluck grey hairs from her eyebrows
• now has to pluck black hairs from her chin
• has a forest on her legs and the canopy under her armpits
• prefers a ballet flat to a stiletto heel
• accidentally shrinks her trackie pants in the wash but still wears them (indoors)
• gets her kids clothes mixed up and sends 4YO to daycare in 1YO’s pants
• sends 4YO to daycare without any shoes on
• forgets 4YO’s and 1YO’s daycare bags
• tried meditating but spent most of the time pondering the sock black hole that seems to exist in her washing machine
• has to look under the couch for any missing household items thanks to 1YO and the lack of regular cleaning under said couch
• tried to cook a batch of cupcakes, failed and now buys them instead
• gets up at 5am to work before the kids get up
• is asleep in her wine at 9pm because I. Have. Not Stopped. For 16 hours
• uses lots of fullstops to make a point
• likes wine
• has not driven her car for 4 months because of major ongoing mechanical faults (link to orange text – another of my blog posts
http://sshhmummysonthephone.blogspot.com/2011/05/motorboats-towtrucks-and-pork-buns.html) that have so far cost $5600
and is still not rectified
• can’t use her shower because of a leak that means ripping out the bathroom
• has a broken front door
• has to work her arse off (and yes, it is more effective than a gym) to help pay for all of this
• misses one on one conversations with her mum which are now either interrupted by constant 1YO and 4YO
chatter or take the form of, ‘the kids dinner is in the fridge’ on her way out to work and her mum’s way in to babysit
• tries to do the right thing by one person which results in the wrong thing for another every now and then
• now lusts after panellists on ABC TV shows instead of rock stars in tight white pants
• buys things off ebay to save money
• sells things on ebay to make money (last year’s Christmas was thanks to ebay)
• has her ‘quiet’ time in the bathroom interrupted by a 1YO and a singing circus car
• has stinging eyes from exhaustion
• has stinging skin from all the anti-aging concoctions she tries
• spends most of her time at the pharmacy and doctor placating eczema, unidentified rashes, wheezy coughs,
nuclear coloured snot and having ticks removed from 4YO
• has USS (unidentified snot stains) on work shirts and work pants ONLY discovered and identified on arrival at work
• kisses 1YO’s injuries better when he divebombs his brother from the third step, walks backwards into the wall,
walks forwards into the wall or falls off his circus car doing a doughnut
• eats doughnuts in the laundry. By herself.
• cries to herself every now and then because sometimes it all gets a little bit too much
• got told by her 4YO on his birthday yesterday, ‘I love you Mummy because you play with me.’
Thank you gorgeous boy. I love you too. Even in your odd socks and brother’s pants.