To that list, you can add sympathy, empathy, time and my attention, in general.
There was a time in my DINKS life, where upon being the first home of an evening, I would meet and greet my boyfriend (now husband) at the door with a “I’m so happy to see you” smile and a big cuddle. Now he is lucky to get a glance and a grunt.
In this period of our lives, we would talk. Every night. A lot. We would discuss the events of both our days at work. Both us knew the scandals, the complaints and the triumphs of our professional world. Now, I find it difficult to remember the name of my husband’s boss.
We also liked doing the same ‘things’. Things like bike riding, running, picnics, travel. We got to do these things simultaneously, enjoy each other’s company and yes – talk.
We also had a sex life. We could once tally it up according to instances per week. Now it is more likely to be a tally per month and I fear it could be heading down the ‘per quarter’ score card.
This has all come to the fore because in the last six weeks, my husband had had major neck surgery to remove nerve pressure from his spinal cord. If that wasn’t enough, he then decided to act on my declaration earlier this year that “2013 is the Year of The Snip”. He figured, if he was going to be immobile and in pain, he may as well get a vasectomy as well. As you do.
My theory through this period of recuperation was that if I took care of the house, the business and the kids, so he had no concerns except for himself, then I was being a good wife. I forgot that I probably should have been a little caring, attentive and maybe a little grateful for his part in our contraception efforts.
Oops – it has just dawned on me that I got a ‘push present’ (of the diamond variety), should I have obliged with a ‘snip present’? What would one gift another to mark this occasion, anyway?
So, apart from my lack of generosity, I have realised my husband needs a little more love. Is there anyone else out there, like me, thinking that if you put the hard yards in now at work, you will be rewarded in the future?
I think this theory is flawed. We all know life is short and it could take an unexpected turn at any moment. I have had a little mid-March epiphany and realised my husband and our marriage requires just as much investment as my work life. After all, what is the point of having a secure future if the love of your life is not there to enjoy it with you?
Kids, move over, your Dad and I need a little snuggle on the lounge – you can jump in too if you like! And tomorrow, we might just go for a picnic.
Jodi McAlary is the wife of one, mother of three and Founder and Managing Director of emerging kids activity website in NSW and ACT, www.todokids.com.au. Her three kids happen to be four year old identical triplet girls. You can follow Jodi, todokids and her experiences of busy life with kids on Facebook.