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…And Then I ALMOST Lost My Mind!

losing my mind

As school holidays loomed on the horizon, and other mums started to enthuse about not having to get up so early and do the school run, etc, I was the solitary mum standing there with that dumb-founded ‘what-you-get-a-lie-in? look on my face.

This morning was the ninth day of the school holidays and this far I’ve had…hang on, let me just count…um, absolutely no lie-ins. Zilch! Nada! Most mornings I have been roused from my sleepy slumber before the hour hand has hit the six on the clock, and more often than not to the sound of one of my offspring shrieking, hollering, or doing that fake-cry thing (that us Mums love) to try to get one of their siblings into trouble.

Predictable? Yes!
Relaxing? Hell no!

But this morning, with the school holidays ebbing away, I tried one last ditch attempt to have a slow start to my morning, to wake up in a more gentle way.

A little before 6am my body jolted itself awake, clearly shocked by the lack of activity and ear-assaulting noise levels. I slipped out from under the sheets, made myself a coffee and legged it back to bed. Okay…so it was instant crap, but who cares, when it is instant crap in peace and quiet? Not me!

Somewhere between the third mouthful and the last half a cup, I must have nestled back down into my comfy bed and dozed off.

At 6.18am my Mother’s Instinct kicked in, and as I shuffled in the bed I sensed movement in the kitchen.
“Hurry up!” I heard the Woo urge Foghorn. “If Mum sees THAT she is going to lose her mind!”

I shook my head gently from side to side just to check whether there was indeed any of my mind left.
(If you have ever shaken a tic tac box when there were 2 or 3 rolling around in the bottom you will know the exact sound that I heard.)

I reached for my coffee. There was still a hint of warmth in the mug.

Do I bolt out of bed to see what is going on, or slug back the luke-warm caffeine-goodness before facing the day? Well, I can hear three voices so no one is unconscious, no one is screaming so there is no blood, and we replaced the batteries in the fire alarms 3 weeks ago, so the house isn’t on fire.

I slugged back the last of the tepid coffee and buried my head under the doona for an extra ten minutes.

But, as we know, you can run, but you can’t hide.

Taking a deep breathe and opening my bedroom door I surveyed the living room with horror.

It looked like a gratuitous murder scene from a Tinkerbell movie had taken place only moments before. Shredded tinsel, sparkles that danced in the chink of light coming through the blinds at the window, and glitter (the Devil’s invention) lay on my carpet and stretched across the tiles in the dining room all the way to the kitchen like the remains of an small massacred army of fairies.

Tug-of-war with a length of Christmas tinsel, had apparently, seemed like a good idea at the time!

And as I looked down, mouth agape (like a sea bass who had gone to bed without taking off her make-up) I could have sworn I heard those silver inch long lengths of silver foil mocking me.
“You’ll never vacuum us up! hahaha! Have you seen how long we are, and how many of us there are? We’ll chew your vacuum up and spit it out! hahahahahaha!”

I walked to the kettle and set it to boil.

The children watched me intently, clearly amazed that my head hadn’t already turned 360 degrees on it’s axis.

Calmly I poured myself another cup of instant crap and walked back to my bedroom door.

“I’m going back to my room now to drink my coffee,” I said to the six large saucer-shaped eyeballs watching me. “I don’t want anyone to disturb me, okay? And when I come back out I want to see all this mess gone, otherwise there will be no cinema today..OKAY?”

And that…is how both my mind and my vacuum, lived to see another day!

What delightful mess have your children greeted you with lately?




Jolene enjoys writing, sharing and connecting with other like-minded women online – it also gives her the perfect excuse to ignore Mount-Washmore until it threatens to bury her family in an avalanche of Skylander T-shirts and Frozen Pyjama pants. (No one ever knows where the matching top is!) Likes: Reading, cooking, sketching, dancing (preferably with a Sav Blanc in one hand), social media, and sitting down on a toilet seat that one of her children hasn’t dripped, splashed or sprayed on. Dislikes: Writing pretentious crap about herself in online bio’s and refereeing arguments amongst her offspring.

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