Sending our babies off to school for the first time can be a joyous, happy, nervous, anxious time for parents.

Today we have a rare treat!  Emma Marks, Mums Lounge creator, shares her experience of sending her son off to school for the first time.

but be warned, you may need some tissue paper!  It’s a bit of an emo one!

Guest Post: The First Day of School – Emma Marks

This room is too big for him… It’s my first thought as we walk into his new Reception class.  How will they notice him with all these other children around (my protective instincts are kicking in now!).  We take a stroll around the room taking it all in while he holds tightly to my leg.  We greet the other children we know from Early Learning and find a place to sit.  His little girlfriends come over to say Hi and us mums talk amongst ourselves about how quickly time flies (we all have that petrified look on our faces).  The bell rings and he asks me if I’m going to stay.  Those beautiful eyes look hopefully at me and then look deflated when I tell him I have to go.

‘I’ll be back before you even notice it, ‘ I say and hope that time goes quickly.

He asks me to stay a little longer and as the other pained mothers leave the room I wish I could.  What I would give to be able to watch him all day.

How will he know what to do?  Who will he play with?  How will his teacher know what he wants and needs?  Now I’m panicking!

His bottom lip starts to quiver and I tell him not to cry, to be brave – I’m more telling myself than him.  Then he tries so hard not to cry that it’s even more heartbreaking as he tries to suck the sobs back down.  I pull my sunglasses down over my eyes and bend down to give him one more hug.

‘You’re the love of my life’ I say as he repeats ‘You’re the wove of mine’ and now I’m crying.  I escape to the door and pull it shut without looking back.  I watch through the crack in the door as one of his little girlfriends stands behind his chair protectively as he wipes his eyes.  Please make this day go fast!  I walk outside and take one more look through the window.  Little girl still there, still wiping his eyes.

The day drags on and I think of what he’s doing.  Finally it’s time to pick him up and I wait at the door with all the other mums.  We all look exhausted from spending the day worrying.  They all come running out excitedly narrating the events of the day – ‘I can take money to school mummy and buy and iceblock’ and now I giggle with him.

He’s exhausted and bedtime comes quickly.  He falls asleep without a drama and then I watch him sleeping.  Now I curl up with his tiny body while he dreams and I sob.  Where is all this time going?  Have I valued every second of the time we’ve had together?  Have I made the most of it?  Have I been a mum who’s ‘present’ for every second?  Mother guilt is a hard pill to swallow and I quickly snap out of these thoughts as I vow to breathe in every moment.

I’m exhausted as I sob on my husbands shoulder and then pack myself off to bed.

First day of school is hard work.