Melbourne Animal Shelter Writes Hilarious Adoption Ad for ‘Utter Bastard Of A Cat’

Step aside Grumpy Cat, for you have been bested by an Aussie cat who has been described as “an utter utter utter bastard”.

Mr Biggles, also known as Lord Bigglesworth, is a gorgeous black 2-year-old domestic shorthair tomcat ready for adoption from The Cat People of Melbourne. He is so famous that he comes with his own website, utterbastardcat.com, and plenty of warnings about his temperament.

“He looks gorgeous with his slinky shiny black fur and big yellow eyes… but beware. If he doesn’t like what you’re doing he will give you a nip! Sometimes he likes to swipe at your feet too. It just depends on what he can reach at the time.

Mr Biggles does not like to be thwarted. He throws a catty tantrum if he can’t go outside when he wants to be let out (and he wasn’t allowed outside for the first couple of weeks at his carers house so there were a few tantrums!). Not being fed on time, or allowed to strut across the kitchen benches helping himself to whatever is there is also tantrum-inducing exercise.

Mr Biggles is a despot and dictator, he will let you know he is not happy, which is often because things are often just not up to his high standards. There is some warning that Lord Bigglesworth is displeased with you, his eyes will go dark and tail will start swishing harder. Mr Biggles likes his cuddles on his terms, and will sit in your lap when he decides it’s time. If the stroking is not up to his standards, he will nip you.

Shhhhh… Mr Biggles does have a secret soft side… he plays with kittens and actually does love a cuddle from time to time. He loves to be involved with what you’re doing and loves to have a chat, he will respond if you talk to him. While he’s not a fan of being picked up, likes a pat and cuddle from time to time and even permits kisses on his shiny black head if he’s feeling mellow.

He loves sleeping on the end of the humans bed, and in his cat bed (and he snores just a little bit, it’s so cute). He loves to be out in the backyard stalking the chickens and supervising the gardening, and he has been playing with the dog (and not drawing blood).

And now I’m in trouble for telling his softie secrets so I have been ordered to say that Lord Bigglesworth believes he was put on this earth to be decorative and be worshipped by his human slaves!

Mr Biggles is not a cat for the inexperienced or faint hearted. He is a full blooded tomcat with very firm boundaries. Mr Biggles needs an owner that won’t take his nipping personally but won’t let him get away with bad behaviour either. He will make the right person an exceptional feline companion for life, because when he gives his heart it will be absolutely and fully given without return. Are you that one special person for Mr Biggles?

Mr Biggles is a stupidly healthy raw fed cat but he will eat anything including your dinner if he can get away with it. Mr Biggles is desexed, microchipped, vaccinated, flea treated and wormed ready to go home with you today!”

This utter bastard of a cat is now famous. His adoption ad has gone viral, and people are clamouring to take him home, prompting the animal shelter to stress that Mr Biggles can not be taken out of the country.

“If you think he’s a bastard normally he’d be 1000% worse after being stuck in quarantine for six months then on a plane. So we’re not going to put anyone’s lives at risk by doing that,” they write on their adoption page.

So what do you reckon? Would you love to have a small feline tyrant in your home? Surprisingly, he’s still available! Enquire here.

Source: Pet Rescue