Stepmother Peeved At Having Stepdaughter Over Every Weekend While Her Mum Recovers From Caesarean
Blending families together is never an easy task and more often than not feelings get hurt and misunderstandings happen. The key is to communicate and make sure everyone has their opinion heard and validated. At the end of the day the aim of both families should be top ensure all the kids feel loved and welcomed no matter which house they find themselves in.
One mum has taken to parenting forum Mumsnet to ask for advice on a particularly tricky situation she’s facing. You see she’s currently pregnant with her first child with her new partner and currently lives with her own two daughters as well as her partner’s daughter every other weekend.
Problem is, her stepdaughter’s mum is also expecting a baby and her partner has offered to take the daughter every weekend until she recovers from her caesarean. This is where the problem arises. You see they live in a small two bedroom flat and while the mum says she’s happy to have the stepdaughter any other time, it’s going be particularly challenging trying to look after 3 excitable girls while trying to settle her own newborn into some sort of routine as well. Here’s what she wrote:
We have my step daughter who is 2 stay every other weekend. I have my own two daughters who are also 2 and nearly 5 full time as well. I’m currently 33 weeks pregnant with mine and my partners first daughter – she is due at the end of October. And DSD’s mum is also pregnant due end of November. At the moment we are in a two bedroom house – we are actively looking to move to a three soon. DSD’s mum has mentioned that she might have to have a c section and my partners offered to have his daughter every weekend whilst she recovers. I’m a little peeved as that then means we will have 3 children and a new baby in this 2 bedroom house every weekend whilst I’m also trying to recover and get new baby settled and into a routine. I have no issue with the every other weekend arrangement but when the girls are all together they get excited, everything becomes hectic and getting them to bed is a nightmare. My girls dad doesn’t have any contact so not to be harsh but the weekend we don’t have all the kids together is my only respite and things are just a bit calmer. I have no issue having his daughter every single weekend any other time but I just feel like whilst I’m also trying to recover and settle a routine for myself and the new baby it’s just too much to do it then. Am I being un reasonable? I’ve suggested on the weekends he isn’t meant to have his daughter that he could stay at his parents house with her but he’s not best pleased.
This is a tough one! While we’re sure the stepmom loves and wants to spend time with her stepdaughter, at the same time we can understand her wanting a bit of space to introduce her new baby into the mix.
Initially comments were quite harsh towards the stepmom with many saying she knew exactly what she signed up for by marrying a man with kids. One said:
“I think you are being a bit unreasonable. Your home is her home and it’s kind of your partner to suggest it though maybe you should have cheated it through first. C sections are debilitating. Maybe if step daughter is with you more often your kids won’t be so excited?”
While another called her out for stopping her stepdaughter from spending time with her dad. “YABU. I hate threads like this, they really give me the red mist. You have chosen to have a child with someone who already has a child, nobody forced you to make this decision. Your DP should want to help her Mum out and spend more time with his child, you really shouldn’t try to prevent this.”
“I assume you knew that your partner had a child before you all moved in to play happy families?”
“His DD is just as important as your children and your unborn child. You are being ridiculous,” added another angry commenter.
While one woman didn’t hold hold back at all…”YAB TOTALLY U! Maybe dont have kids with someone if you are only prepared to tolerate their children eow. I notice he lives with yours every day.” Ouch!!
However there were some who could see the stepmom’s point of view and felt she too needed time to rest and recover from the birth of her own child.
“People annoy me on these threads. She is the girls mother, if you weren’t also going to be recovering at this time it might be a nice gesture but you will be. Why does the mother get a break to recover but the step mother not get one and in fact get yet more children to look after???”
“I don’t think you’re being that unreasonable. But I think it’ll be alright. Yes it’s his daughter but shouldn’t he also be thinking about your recovery? I think you should only agree to it if he is happy to look after your two and your DSD (and I mean he needs to be doing everything including bed times) while you focus on the new baby. It’s only fair for the dad to step up even more when there’s a new baby and mum is recovering so as long as he isn’t going to be making things hard for you I’d say you shouldn’t worry about it.”
One commenter had some great advice for the stepmum to help her deal with three girls in the house.
“I think he should have consulted you tbh. If you weren’t pregnant/due a baby at the same time I would say it’s fair enough he picks up the strain but you are so that changes things. Slight tangent: if things are hectic when all three girls are together you need to nip that it the bud now. It will be a nightmare when you’re trying to cope with a new born and you have two toddlers and a 4 year old going gaga elsewhere. You (both of you) need to get a bedtime routine for when all 3 are there and get firm with them. Both of you on the same page. If necessary stagger their bedtimes so they aren’t together when supposed to be falling asleep.”
What do you think? Is the stepmom being unreasonable or does the stepdaughter have every right to live with her dad whenever she wants to?