It’s not unusual for women to keep their married name after they get divorced, particularly when there are children involved. However, one woman is being harassed by her ex-husband and his fiancé to change her last name, because if she doesn’t it is going to ruin their wedding!

I divorced my ex husband a few years ago, but never changed my last. I have four main reasons for this:

1. 1. I like having the same last name as my child.
   2. My qualifications are all in my married name and can’t be changed.
   3. It’s been my last name for so long that I’m just used to it now.
   4. And finally it’s a lot of hassle to change a name (bank, mortgage, doctors, passport etc…) Also in my mind it’s just a name, I don’t think of it as belonging to my ex husband or anything, it’s been my last name for well over a decade to me it’s just my name now.

Here is where the issue comes in. My ex husband is re-marrying this year and I’m re-marrying next year. However I won’t be changing my last name.

My fiancé has no issue with this at all. He agrees with me that it’s just a name. But my ex husband is very unhappy with me keeping my last name. I told him it isn’t his business what my last name is, but he said it is his business as it’s his last name and his bride to be is very upset and angry as it’s her right to have the last name, and not mine. I told him she can have whatever last name she likes, my last name again has nothing to do with her.

I then started receiving texts from her asking me to please change my last name. I politely, but firmly told her that I won’t be changing my last name and explained my reasons again. She got angry and called me an AH and said that I’m ruining her wedding.

I’ve since spoken to my friends & family about this. And it’s pretty split on what people think. I believe it’s mostly because it’s probably somewhat unusual to keep a married last name after marrying someone else, but my fiancé honestly doesn’t care and neither do I. So personally I’m not seeing the issue.

AITA?

Commenters were unanimously is agreement that her reasons for wanting to keep her name trumped what her ex-husband’s fiancé wanted.

NTA.

Wait until your ex discovers that total strangers have the same last name too. (12 22 23)

Tell him no, you’ve already changed your name once, he can take his fiancee’s name if he wants something different. (Basic-Regret-6263)

People agreed that from a professional perspective it didn’t make sense to change her name just to appease her ex-husband’s new partner, and that she really didn’t owe her anything anyway.

NTA.

For me, the biggest reason outside of just not wanting to is the qualifications thing. This is your professional name, and thus makes it a much bigger complication to change it.

Then there’s the whole thing with having the same last name as your kids, which is another perfectly understandable reason.

You and your fiancé are on the same page, and that’s what matters. Ex & his fiancée are allowed to ask, but it’s ultimately got nothing to do with them. (Space_anthropologist)

Some people did understand why it might upset the ex-husband’s fiancé, but agreed that ultimately she had no right to demand anything.

NTA. It’s your name now. It use to bother me a little that my husband’s first wife kept his last name but after having to change my name when we married I realized what a pain in the bum it is so I’m over it. (Due-Mind-4359)

NTA. It’s not your job do jump through hoops for exs new insecure bride to be. You owe them nothing but peaceful co parenting (redditlurker1981)

Aside from the inconvenience of changing your name, as one commenter pointed out, there are also some significant costs involved.

NTA- as someone who just changed their last name after being married, it is not just a HUGE pain in the butt to change it at a bezillion different places, but it also costs money to change it on things like IDS/passports etc. Plus, it’s your legal name, no one can make you do anything with your legal name that you don’t want to. Sounds like your ex’s new lady is insecure, but that’s a her problem. (strangeloop414)

NTA

When my parents divorced, my mom kept her married name so she wouldn’t have a different last name than me and my sister

When my dad remarried, my stepmother hyphenated her last name to keep her ex-husband’s name as well as my dad’s, so she would have the same last name as her kids

When my friend got married, she kept her maiden name because all her professional accomplishments were under that name.

All of those decisions were valid, and absolutely none of those decisions had anything to do with the person’s feelings about their current or former spouse. (starlitfae)

What do you think? Do you understand why this would be such a big deal to his new partner or is she being ridiculous?