Do you know someone who hates conflict? Maybe you yourself struggle to set boundaries with people in your life for this reason. The problem is that sometimes, by trying to avoid a small conflict and failing to assert yourself in the moment, you set yourself up for another misunderstanding and a bigger conflict down the track. One woman, who was trying to organise a baby shower for herself had her whole day waylaid by friends and family who brought their partners and children along even though the expectant mother had expected a girls only event. Not only that, one of her friend’s allowed her child to hijack the gift opening…and guess what? She didn’t say a thing about it!
I just had my baby Shower and I tried really hard to make it a women’s only event in the beginning besides my son (5M). It was small and only having friends and family but everyone started inviting along their husbands/boyfriends and their children.
Finally, I said whatever to avoid conflict and I had my fiancé come to the shower as well.
When it came time to open presents I had told my son previously that he could help me open some for his baby brother and I thought it would be a great opportunity to get some really cute photos of me, my son, and my fiancé in front of the balloon arch and decorations.
Another little boy (6M) who is close with my son eagerly asked his mom “Can I open presents too?!” To which his mom replied “Oh! That sounds like a great idea! Go ask OP” and when the little boy ran up to me I didn’t know how to tell him no. My mom and my friend tried speaking to his mom quietly without the kid hearing but she insisted “OP wouldn’t mind my son is a sweet kid he’d be so happy doing the presents”
To be clear NOTHING was said in front of the child or with him being able to hear. Needless to say that kid was able to open most of my presents and was in every photo.
That’s right. Not only did her friend allow her son to muscle in on the family gift opening, she also didn’t pull him to one side so that the expectant mum could have a photo taken with her husband and her son. But, as clueless as this woman might be, we can’t help thinking that if only OP had spoken up, things might have turned out a little differently. However, being conflict averse, she decided to make the best out of a bad situation and photoshop the boy out of one of the photos.
Nobody got any photos of just me and my small family because this kid would not leave my sons side (they’re friends so I get it)
I bit my tongue and sucked it up and later used photoshop to remove the other kid so I could have a photo of just me, my son, and my fiancé. The mother is very upset with me saying I shouldn’t have removed her son from the photos and that it hurts her feelings I would so easily exclude her son. AITA?
Spotting the photo on social media when OP made it her cute new profile photo, the mother of the small boy had the gall to be upset with her friend for photoshopping him out. What the…? That’s some main character energy right there!
“Well, yes, your son isn’t my son, and it wasn’t your baby shower and nor was it his baby brother’s presents so I’m confused as to where your hurt about me having a photo with my family is coming from.” (mangoN-lime)
This is what photoshop is for – the little kid didn’t get his feelings hurt, and you got a photo of a family event that was just you, fiance, and son. Why would it matter to the other mom? (enoughProcess9773)
It’s just mindblowing to me that there are parents out there who wouldn’t immediately think to go grab their kid and let the family having they party have their time. Wow. I don’t blame OP for not knowing what to do, being confronted with such flagrantly entitled behavior IS shocking, and rare, and few people are practiced in navigating it. (MichelleAntonia)
One commenter pointed out that the pregnant mum should have nipped the gift opening in the bud from the start, and even suggested a polite but firm way she could have done this.
“Thanks for helping, (son) and I can finish the rest! You can go sit with you mom now, you did a great job”
It’s polite, it announces to the entire group that his assistance is no longer welcome and his mother needs to act like a parent now. If the kid doesn’t budge, the room knows his mother is the asshole, not the pregnant woman everyone is celebrating. (HeirOdRavenclaw)
This is ALL on that mom. I really get upset when parents do this, read the room. It’s not about you or your kid…it’s actually good you found a solution for this. I say keep the photos and if you see this woman or can call her (not text) explain the situation. If she’s still upset then at least you tried. I’m sure someone has a photo of her son up there too. NTA (Remarkable_Owl3610)
People who teach their kids it’s ok to open gifts that aren’t meant for them raise adults who think it’s ok to ask to switch seats on a plane. Mom should have said “umm, no, it’s not your party” and raised a kid worth having in society. (livelife3574)
Not everyone agreed that it was all on the mum who pushed for her son to help with gift opening. Many people agreed that OP needs to learn to speak up for herself.
She didn’t get the shower or the photos she wanted because she prioritized avoiding conflict over what she wanted. She’s not TA in this situation per se, but it IS asshole behavior to resent others for not giving you what you didn’t ask for. (Slow_Yogurt_5433)
YTA. To yourself. You had a Clear Vision of the way you wanted it to happen and you were too intimidated-or-what to tell a child “I’m sorry, this is not for you.” If this had been your son’s birthday, would you have left the other boy open the presents because you were too what– weak, embarrassed — to say no. What’s so hard about speaking up? Time to start growing a spine. (Hairy-Dark9213)
(YTA… a little)
The mother had no clue you didn’t welcome her son’s presence. You allowed children, you directly said the son was allowed, etc. For her, it came out of the blue that you photoshopped her kid out of the picture.
If you didn’t want children at the party, you should’ve stood firm on that. If you didn’t want his help opening presents, you should have directly said so – nicely, but directly. “Oh, sweetie” (if talking to the child) “I really appreciate the offer, but these presents are for my family to open.”
If you personally had told her/her son that you didn’t want him to open them and they went against that, then I’d say nta. But you directly told them they could… then tried to go behind your own back and change it. That’s kind of an AH move. (DitzyKlutz1)
What do you think? What would you have done in the pregnant woman’s position? Was it offensive to photoshop the boy out of the photos as the other woman suggests?