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“My Husband and FIL Are Trying to Dictate My Birth Plan to Me, I Said I’d Agree Under One Condition….”

Giving birth is a very intense and personal experience for a woman. Fortunately, today, we have many options when it comes to making a birth plan that we are comfortable with, and that makes us feel empowered and safe. It’s not unusual for pregnant women to be offered other people’s unsolicited advice from well-meaning friends or family on which birth option is ‘best,’ but ultimately, the choice is ours.

However, one woman has found that her FIL, who doesn’t agree with her choice to opt for a scheduled c-section, refuses to let the subject go, and has even started to convince her husband that she is making a mistake.

She has told them both in no uncertain terms that she’ll agree to give birth ‘naturally’ under one condition…

My father-in-law has been trying to convince my husband and I that natural child birth is the way to go.

Personally I think it’s fucking weird that he thinks that he should have any say whatsoever. But he raised four kids, three of them girls, after his wife passed away so he has a different life experience than most I guess.

I said that I either want a scheduled C-section or an epidural. My husband now thinks one is too stressful and the other puts drugs into my system when I should be fully “in the moment”.

I said that I would agree to natural child birth if and only if I could have a hold of their testicles for the entire delivery.


They both think I’m being gross and childish. They involved my three sisters-in-law to try and shame me since they all had natural child birth. I told them to butt out unless they wanted to volunteer a husband to my grip.

Overall everyone seems to think I am being immature and ridiculous with my offered trade.

Funny that when an intimate body part of theirs was mentioned they thought the conversation was inappropriate, but were more than happy to dictate what she be doing with hers!

NTA. It’s your body and your decision, nobody else should have a say in how you want to give birth. Plus, I don’t blame you for wanting something to squeeze during labor! Their opinions don’t matter as long as it’s safe for both you and the baby. (Looringdantic)

NTA tell them that it’s YOUR child and not theirs

Also, seems hard to grip your husband’s balls when he doesn’t seem to have any. (Kevin_Eats_Sushi)

They think YOU’RE the gross one? Your FIL is literally butting in to tell you how to push your child out of your vagina. Tell him he’s the gross one. NTA, and you’re my hero. (torrentialwx)

Why her father-in-law thought he should have any say over her body was a mystery to everybody in the comments section, and it’s ironic that he thinks she is the one being ‘gross!’

Pretty creepy coming from an older man to have an opinion about a physiological process that is so private.

He is overstepping big time. That he is enlisting his little army to convince you what to do with YOUR body is beyond belief. You need to have a very stern talk with your husband. This level of interference is unacceptable even if it was from a woman. If your FiL feels entitled to a say over YOUR body, imagine how he shall behave when it will come to your children that will also be HIS grandchildren. Your husband needs a reality check. This is one of those moments when he needs to decide where does he stand. There is no mid-way here. Either he is your husband, part of an expanding autonomous family unit, or he is an extension to his father’s ego, an instrument to expand that man’s little universe.

And if that will not be a wake up call for your husband, i am afraid you are in for an uphill battle, but one that is worth fighting.

Good luck and NTA. (Artistic_Thoought7309)


One commenter shared a similarly inappropriate conversation she’d had with her father-in-law when he tried to tell her to stop breastfeeding, and advised the expectant mum to stick to her guns.

NTA. My FIL felt the need to add his two cents when I stopped breastfeeding my oldest at 9 months because he was latched and quickly turned his head to the side and I nearly reflexively pushed him off my lap. I told him that I’d stay there for a week and stick a vacuum to his nipples every few hours including overnight and not turn it off when I pulled it off him. He dropped the subject. When your FIL has a natural birth he can offer his perspective. My oldest was a c section, my second (and last) was a surprise natural birth at 34 weeks with not so much as a handshake. Neither were fun, you do what you feel you need to do to be comfortable and what you think will best get you through. You know yourself better than any of them. (z00k33per0304)

Considering her husband had been so heavy influenced by his father, some people suggested that he may no longer be the best birth partner for her, as she may not be able to trust him to advocate for her in the way she wants and needs, when the time comes.

NTA, but it sounds like your husband has been tainted against what you want for your birth plan and I would advise you to do what you need to do to get that part handled if, forbid, events in the delivery room start going sideways. Perhaps getting a doula, setting up a POA with a friend or family member that you know will respect your wishes, etc. so that you have an advocate for what you want no matter what.

I’d probably also switch from the testicle thing to just saying no. They could send all the men they want as tribute, your answer is still going to be no when it comes to the reality of the situation, right? So focus on that part. Either say you’re not going to discuss it or leave the room or hang up the phone when it gets brought up, and then the initial recommendation of bringing a new safe person into the birth plan with you. See if you can submit something to the hospital you’ll be giving birth at or whatever options are available. (princesscraftypants).

What do you think? What would you do in this woman’s position?

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Jolene enjoys writing, sharing and connecting with other like-minded women online – it also gives her the perfect excuse to ignore Mount-Washmore until it threatens to bury her family in an avalanche of Skylander T-shirts and Frozen Pyjama pants. (No one ever knows where the matching top is!) Likes: Reading, cooking, sketching, dancing (preferably with a Sav Blanc in one hand), social media, and sitting down on a toilet seat that one of her children hasn’t dripped, splashed or sprayed on. Dislikes: Writing pretentious crap about herself in online bio’s and refereeing arguments amongst her offspring.

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