Smells Like Fish, Tastes Like Chicken – or Does It?

It’s an old joke; what smells like fish and tastes like chicken? Vaginas, of course! And before I go any further – to all the word-nerds that will probably insist I use the word vulva, yes I know that the vagina is the ‘hole’ and the vulva is the outside bits but whatevs. I just like using the word vagina. Vagina, Vagina, Vagina.

Anyway, Korin Miller recently penned an article on Glamour here posing the question ‘Does what you eat affect how you smell and taste down there?’ That was something I’d never given much thought to although I, as I imagine most women, are concerned that we are, umm, as tasty as possible (in a chocolate cake kind of way, not a pepperoni pizza kind of way).

Apparently there are no actual scientific studies conducted that connect diet with the flavour and smell of our lady bits but Jessica O’Reilly a sexologist for Astroglide says that “her clients have reported that eating sweet fruits, vegetables and herbs can temper the taste of vaginal discharge to heighten its sugary flavour. They also suggest that smoking, caffeine and preservatives can result in a more bitter taste”.

Antibiotics can also affect the good vaginal flora levels causing “less desirable changes in taste”. Her recommendation is to cut back on how many preservatives and highly processed foods you eat, cutting down on sugars, yeasts and alcohol while increasing your intake of coconut oil, nuts, whole grains, garlic and probiotics. So pretty much – eat as healthy as you can and all of your body will benefit.

It has long been hypothesized that drinking pineapple juice makes semen taste better and because men are men, there have been scientific studies conducted that have proven it does, in fact, work – however the only way to ensure its’ effectiveness is to avoid meat, dairy, cigarettes and alcohol for at least 48 hours leading up to the event (read, be as healthy as possible) and to consume around a litre of freshly squeezed pineapple juice which is essentially a lot of planning for probably not a guaranteed outcome.

I decided to go straight to my own expert; a beautiful lady who prefers ladies to gents and straight out asked her what she can tell me about how we can get ourselves to taste better.

Without hesitation she replied “speaking as a lady licker – out of all my past relationships, the ones who tasted the best had the healthiest diets; and the one who tasted the worst was addicted to caffeine and a heavy smoker”.

Confirmation once again of what we kind of know already. To be our very best, we should look after our bodies from the inside first to be our best on the outside!

Maybe that’s the warning people need to see on cigarette packets: “Warning, smoking causes manky tasting genitals”.