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Aussie’s Share Creative Ways of Saying Someone Isn’t Very Smart, and We Cant Stop Laughing!

Aussie’s Share Creative Ways of Saying Someone Isn’t Very Smart, and We Cant Stop Laughing!

When it comes to friendly banter, Australians really have a way with words! Not only do they inject a healthy dose of humour into an insult, they also somehow manage to deliver it in a way that makes it feel more like a matey slap on the back, than a metaphorical punch in the face. Recently, people took to the Reddit group AskAnAustralian to share their uniquely Australian ways of saying someone isn’t very smart, and some them are too hilarious not to share.

  • It takes that bloke an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. – Deadcatx
  • His mum really did not get her woolies’ worth with that one. – disagnosedwolf
  • Wisdom has been chasing you but you’ve been quicker – Frontfarmer345
  • You’re not the dumbest [person] on the planet, but you’d better hope [they don’t] die – yeh_nah-fuckit


  • Somewhere out there is a tree growing and it’s sole purpose is to give you oxygen- you need to find that tree and apologise to it. – Julz_Rulz_615
  • Your presence here is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. – DanNotTheMann
  • About as useful as deck chairs on a submarine
  • He uses his head to keep rain out of his neck.
  • He’s got a few Roos loose in the top paddock.
  • Wheel’s spinning but the hamster’s dead.
  • I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain it to him.  – Fuddstar
  • Them two brain cells you got haven’t bumped into each other in a while. poobumstupidcunt


  • “This bloke’s slower than hotel wifi!” – TheEpiquin
  • As useless as tits on a bull! – OutrageousBike_6414
  • He has two braincells and they’re currently fighting for third place. – UnconfirmedRooster
  • He’s swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool. – Dick_schidt
  • His elevator doesn’t go to the top floor. – DJohnni13
  • On a good day, I can hear the wind whistling through those ears of yours. – Doc-Boc-Gen8
  • Dynamite for brains and his hat is still safe – wobbly123
  • As much use as a chocolate teapot. – Inkspot68
  • Did your parents have the same surname before they were married? – Adept-Coconut-8669
  • I dunno if they’re a full bag of chips, but they’re definitely out of date – jacodeadly
  • Your train of thought once again stalled at the station. – dutchydownunder
  • He/she’s off to see the wizard. – Modelhomeinvasion1


  • Five tinnies short of a sixpack – StraighBudget8799
  • You’d struggle to pour water out of a boot with instructions written on the heel. – Adept_Cranberry_9674
  • Few pies short of a grand final – rampant-adams
  • If his brains were made of chocolate there wouldn’t be enough to fill a Smartie. – F3ATUR3D
  • They don’t know their arse from their elbow. – Max_Dungus

Do you have any funny sayings to suggest someone isn’t the brightest spark, that we can add to the list?


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Jolene enjoys writing, sharing and connecting with other like-minded women online – it also gives her the perfect excuse to ignore Mount-Washmore until it threatens to bury her family in an avalanche of Skylander T-shirts and Frozen Pyjama pants. (No one ever knows where the matching top is!) Likes: Reading, cooking, sketching, dancing (preferably with a Sav Blanc in one hand), social media, and sitting down on a toilet seat that one of her children hasn’t dripped, splashed or sprayed on. Dislikes: Writing pretentious crap about herself in online bio’s and refereeing arguments amongst her offspring.

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