Weddings, although intended to bring families together to celebrate love and union, can also bring out the very worst in people. You only have to read through these multiple wild and whacky wedding stories to know that this highly emotional life event can send sparks flying between family and friends, particularly when the bride or groom have a very specific or rigid idea on how they want their ‘special day’ to proceed. Of course, its every couple’s prerogative to set rules for their wedding, such as no children, no alcohol (yes, that’s apparently a thing now) or a strict dress code, but it would be a shame if the newlyweds were so hung up on ensuring that guests are abiding by their rules that they forget to be in the moment and actually enjoy their big day.
One recently married man, recently took to Reddit complaining that his new wife did just this, and not only ruined her own day with her diva behaviour, but also ruined his.
I (28m) and my wife (26f) got married last Wednesday and the ceremony was amazing.
My wife was very strict on the fact that no guest is allowed to wear white, which is understandable because for females that’s considered rude or bad luck at weddings i think.
The reception was going well too, until I noticed my wife walking over to the bathroom with her face held in her hands.
Obviously I could tell my wife was upset as we’ve been together for three years now and I can tell when she’s upset.
I rushed across the room telling guests “one minute” as I hurried by them. Once I got to the bathroom I knocked on the door and informed my wife that it was me at the door.
After a few minutes i heard the door unlock and open. When I got in a saw my wife sitting on the floor with mascara running down her cheeks.
I asked what was wrong and she told me that one of our nephews was wearing white jeans and a white bow tie. I immediately thought to myself how she was completely over re acting because he’s a six year old child and had no idea that you can’t wear white to a wedding.
I told her she was over re acting but in a much nicer way and I said that she should go enjoy the reception and forget about the whole thing. She eventually texted her sister to come to the bathroom and fix her makeup so she could go back out and have a good night.
After a while I saw her talking to my sister, the mom of our nephew, and I thought she was just making conversation. About an hour later my sister pulled me aside and berated me for my wife’s behaviour. She said my wife had asked her and her son to leave unless she had a change of clothes for him.
This was far from okay to me so I asked my wife to talk and explained everything my sister told me, my wife said she was completely in the right for what she asked and i told her that if she kicks my family out then I will happily leave too. My wife started crying again and saying that this is her day and she doesn’t want it to be ruined by our nephew. This angered me because I had enough of her ruining our day over something silly. I then said she was not only selfish but that she was insanely insecure if she’s worried about a six year old looking better than her.
My wife’s been staying with her mother since the wedding and we haven’t spoken once. Her mom reached out to me this morning and said that I need to apologise right away for being “out of line”
I really don’t believe i’m in the wrong here so what do you think? AITA?
People voiced their disbelief in the comments section that the bride could get so worked up over a little boy’s outfit and thought her reaction was completely out of proportion.
NTA. Jesus. It’s a 6 year old in a bowtie. Did she think people would confuse him for the bride? Is she 3ft tall, and was she wearing a bowtie? She was insecure and selfish. It wasn’t “her” day. It was both of your day. And she ruined it by throwing a tantrum.
Take a good look at how she handles conflict as this is going to be your marriage. Doesn’t like your response? Throws everything out of proportion and runs to mummy. It’s early enough for an annulment. Think about it. (walnutwithteeth)
Maybe people would have confused him for the bride, given she’s acting 6 years old over the situation (BPD-and-Lipstick)
Most people thought that the bride should have sucked it up and enjoyed the day rather than focusing on such a trifling matter, and effectively letting it ruining the day.
The kid is 6 years old for Christ’s sake. Is he expected to wear a full suit?
Anyone who cares what a 6 year old kid is wearing to a wedding (unless they turn up in something like paw patrol pajamas) needs to take a look at themselves and get a fucking grip. And even if they did, have a laugh about it after the wedding and move on with your life.
You’re going to let your day (and potentially marriage) be ruined by what an actual child is wearing? (Spaceandthewoods_)
Other people counselled the man that this kind of behaviour didn’t bode well for their marriage, and the fact that she considered it ‘her day’ was a bit of a red flag.
NTA. I would be upset too. It’s not just her day, it’s yours too. And there’s no reason she should try and kick out your 6 year old nephew because he had white jeans on. Pretty sure she didn’t have to compete with a 6 year old boy. (Penguin_Doctor)
NTA – Her reaction was really extreme, and I can’t make sense of why what that child was wearing even matters. You do not owe her an apology, and apologizing when she was that out of line is setting the tone for the rest of the marriage… (wolfcat87)
NTA. Nothing is worth behaving this ungraciously—including guests wearing white? Who CARES?? Does it diminish your love or commitment to one another? If it does, that’s an issue. The bride is an immature, selfish, brat. (RosieCrone)
However, not everyone agreed that the wife was solely to blame, and questioned whether the outburst was the culmination of being the victim of multiple micro-aggressions from his sister or other family members in the past.
I think the bride is upset with the parents using their child to blatantly flout the rules.
Lots of people are advising looking into an annulment, and this may be good advice, but not for the reason you think.
If your wife was clear with everyone that no one should wear white, and your sister disregarded that request, it was a clear choice to disrespect your wife and her wishes (and she uses a child to make her point on what she thinks about your wife and her requests).
Then you took your sister’s side. On your wedding day. Let that sink in. If you’re not ready to have a life partner that you support and love, then you really should look into an annulment.
Just because your wife had an extreme reaction doesn’t mean that you and your family aren’t assholes, and her extreme reaction makes me wonder what other slights she’s been putting up with during the course of the relationship.
Another commenter expressed their opinion that judging from the way the man responded to his wife’s obvious distress, and then siding with his sister it was the bride who would be better off leaving the marriage.
YTA. OP, you’re way too apathetic even if your wife did overreact (arguable).
If what happened to your wife was distressing enough for her to cry until her mascara ran, why say she’s overreacting even if phrased “politely” first thing after learning of the issue? Should you not seek to resolve the issue together? Why push the blame onto her when the fault lie with the guest who didn’t ensure that her son abide by the dress code?
Yes, at this point in time, the only AH here was your sister. Your wife left so she wouldn’t cause a scene and you chased after her upon noticing her distress. It was what happened next that convinced me that YTA.
Your wife didn’t take her grievances out on your nephew, but took the issue up with his parent, so civilly that you thought she was merely making conversation. Not to mention how she gave your sister an ultimatum instead of acting hysterical and kicking her out in front of everyone.
Are you certain that your sister was not in fact the one bullying/bothering your wife on her wedding day? The selfish one would not be your wife but your sister in that case.
As for calling your wife insecure… ever heard of wedding blues or wedding jitters? Have some compassion.
Your wife, after knowing that you’re one to take your birth family’s side above all else— family that thought it was okay to disregard her one non-negotiable request and disrespect her on BOTH of your special day— sought help from the only person she could count on in that situation. Any commenter framing it as the wife “running to mummy” has a severe lack of empathy and compassion like OP.
I hope this marriage is annulled, but for your wife’s sake. You need to work on yourself, as well as majority of the people in this comment section. (alyssglacias)
So, what do you think? Who is the real a-hole here? Or does everyone suck?