Education, Schools and Teachers – My How Things Have Changed!
My kids have both left school, have great jobs and have turned out to be pretty decent humans by all accounts. That doesn’t stop me second guessing choices I made during their childhood and especially their educational life. Did I choose the right school for them? Should I have changed classes for my son when his teacher turned out to be a bully? Should we have sent them to a public school and saved all that money we paid on school fees to take them on more holidays and see the world instead.
If it’s true that our teachers and school life shape who we are today, heaven help me as I had a crazy collection of adults who tried their best to literally whip me into shape and impart wisdom on me. I went to a catholic school in the era when nuns ran the school with a handful of lay teachers employed alongside them. In Australia there were roughly 12,600 nuns in the mid 1970’s compared to only 2,800 today. Probably a good thing considering that of the 20 something nuns who taught me, there were only two I have fond memories of. Were they even trained as teachers?
Poor old Sister Ursula was so old she used to fall asleep when teaching piano, Sister Xavier farted so much we were nearly asphyxiated in her classroom, Sister Vincent furiously insisted on open windows in the freezing Tasmanian winter. In retrospect, the cranky old biddy may have been suffering with menopausal hot flushes and uncontrolled anger. Meanwhile we all sat with our teeth chattering unable to hold our 2B pencils in our frostbitten hands. She once kept five of us back after school for talking, so we missed the bus and had to walk the 5 kms or more home. Can you imagine doing that to 7- and 8-year-olds now?! Our parents must have been so anxious meeting the school bus to find none of us on there. Sister Vincent terrified us as she wielded the ruler and feather duster like the militia onto the back of our legs and open hands. Yes, corporal punishment was a thing and some of those nuns relished in dishing it out.
Looking back over my schooling life certain teachers stand out. Some because they had a huge impact on my life in a great way – like Mr Glass our hunky science teacher who had us hanging on his every word and went on to work for NASA, and others in a disturbing way, like Sister Joseph who told us we would burn in hell for wearing bikinis. She also gave us a very enlightening sex education lesson in year 8 when she told us about having intercourse with our husbands when they came home tired from work. She went on to explain in her great wisdom, that we wouldn’t feel like it, but it was our duty to lie on our backs and let our husbands do ‘IT’ to us. Mum was furious at the outdated misogynistic views when I relayed it to her.
Sister Lucy, one of the few nuns who had a female name, was a sweet Irish nun. Quite useless at teaching, as many of them were, but we liked her because her classes were easy. However, she had a terrible nose-picking habit and we secretly giggled that she was sex starved as she loved to fondle her own breasts when she was teaching.
Once I left school, attended Uni and formed my own opinions I was able to look back, shake my head and laugh at my schooling. My peers and I did benefit in many ways from our education; we can add, subtract and work out percentages, we know what sentence structure and paragraphs are, we can spell, we can find a book in a library, use cash and calculate change, use a needle and thread and we have decent handwriting.
Times have certainly changed. Technology has become a huge part of school life, with computers, laptops and iPads now commonplace in schools.-My kids grew up with smart phones and computers, technology has taken over teaching, and everyone relies on phones, computers and Ai for everything.
According to Ai (yep it comes in handy), corporal punishment was phased out gradually across Australia, starting with Victoria in 1983 and Queensland in 1989, with other states following over the years. I am gobsmacked that it took so long!
With regard to nuns – there are very few nuns currently teaching in Australia. Praise be!
PS: My daughter has her own successful business and podcast and is an absolute gun on social media, using Ai to help her. However, she can’t sew on a button or stitch a hem. My adult son survived school and is now an extremely bright engineer who can solve any technical issue in our house within seconds but has the hand writing of a five year old.
Parody Song ‘Boogie Picker’ to the Tune of Funky Music
I hope you enjoy this parody song to the tune of Funky Music, which was inspired by dear old Sister Lucy.
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Boogie Picker Lyrics
Hey get down, yeah, everybody, everybody, get down
Sister Lucy was a boogie picker
She used the pinky finger on her left hand
This nun never tried to hide it
Us kids could never understand
When we were reading she would start her picking
A gross habit and she couldn’t kick it
We would giggle as we hid for cover
Cos she would pick it, lick it, roll it and flick it
Us kids would duck down, to the ground, we’d stop and drop and roll
And one time it hit me and my friend turned around and shouted
Sister Lucy’s boogie got you
I can see it on your cheek
That nun shot missiles at us daily
I was disgusted, I crumbled to the floor and then I cried
I thought I’d die
Oh I cried
My friends with morbid fascination
Stared at me as if I had been shot
As the mucous flicker eyed her target
On the floor before her covered in snot
When Sister Lucy’s boogie landed
It started sliding down my cheek
I felt the grossness of her mucus
And then I started to dry retch
Yes I was gagging and retching and crying and dying
I decided I’d never pick my nose again and shouted
Sister lucy that’s disgusting
I’m gonna tell my Mum and Dad
You should know that God is watching, repent your snotty habit and cleanse those nostrils with a handkerchief
But make it brief, oh make it brief
I shouted blow your big fat honker (blow your big fat honker)
That’s a huge snotty conker (huge snotty conker)
Your behaviour is atrocious (behaviour is atrocious)
Why do nuns have so much mucous (so much mucous)
Drop to your shins and confess your boogie flicking sins right now
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Anna Waters-Massey is a writer, actor and vocalist from the Gold Coast. She loves entertaining people and making them smile with her writing, song parodies and acting work. She is the creator of the comedy series Stage Mums which aired on Network Ten and spin off characters Shaz and Trace who have taken on a life of their own on social media. Anna also wrote the animated series Insta Infamous for young adults and Forest Road for children under 6.
