As a mum of triplets I have heard the most horrendous comments from people who have no regard for privacy or boundaries. These comments are like verbal farts – once let out, it’s too late and the stench sticks around. At the risk of sounding like an unapproachable cow, here is a list of comments no pregnant woman should have to hear – multiples or not.
- “I was having such a crap day but then I thought of you and felt so much better”. I have heard this many, many times. It just makes me realise how lucky I am and what an awesome life I have. Not.
- “Oh my God! You are so big!” (while being pointed and laughed at from a distance). From a best friend or not, this is not what you want to hear at six months pregnant.
- “So, it was IVF then”. With either an upward inflection indicating a question or said as a statement of fact; it doesn’t matter. It is not your place to ask or imply. It doesn’t make it more or less of a miracle to be blessed with our beautiful babies.
- “Your tits are awesome. Can I take a picture?” Enough said.
- “You’ve got your hands full”. Yes. Yes I do. And if I had a dollar for every time I have heard that comment I’d be off to Aspen once a year for holidays. I realise this comes from well-meaning individuals simply trying to be friendly and acknowledge my plight. Frankly though, my husband and I hear this so often that we actually stop and thank the rare few who come up with a comment we have not heard before.
- “You are sooooo small”. Yes, and paranoid my babies aren’t growing. Thank you for bringing to my attention that I am in the midst of a high risk pregnancy and don’t know if my babies or I will make it. Really though, don’t make comments on my size. Was it okay to make comments on my size before I was pregnant?
- “Really? You’re pregnant (with multiples)? Oh, you poor thing”. Way to inspire confidence and enthusiasm. Thank you, perfect stranger. Your contribution to my mental health is greatly appreciated. Jerk.
- “Can you please not breast feed here?” I never heard this one directly but a friend of a friend of mine was victim to this slur and retaliated toward the prudish individual with a well-aimed spray of breast milk all over their prudish blouse. I can’t say I condone either behaviour but the reaction of the lactating mother brings a smile to my dial.
A close friend of mine calls it “hormotional”. These comments probably mean nothing to a well-balanced individual. But, when society makes remarks to a waddling, over tired, pain ridden, hormone charged incubator, just think twice. Is it really your place to say? The answer is probably “no” but if you do go through with it, duck for cover. You might just get a shower of breast milk to the face.
Jodi McAlary is the Founder and Managing Director of emerging kid’s activities and entertainment guide for NSW and ACT, www.todokids.com.au
Mother of naturally conceived (accidental!) 4 year old identical triplet girls, Jodi experienced a period of post natal depression after the birth of her gorgeous babies and is now an advocate for open and wide discussion of
the dark journey experienced by herself and others. Find Jodi on Facebook here