"I Don't Like the Newborn Stage" — The TikTok Confession That's Giving Mums Permission to Feel the Same

Have you ever held your crying newborn and thought, I wish I could just skip passed this stage?

That’s the question behind a TikTok that popped up on our feed this week. Aimie, mum of a newborn and 3-year-old shared how she’d opened up to her husband about how she was feeling. As hard as it was to admit, she confessed that she just isn’t enjoying the newborn stage. Reflux, colic, the whole ruled-by-naps thing, and underneath it all this creeping guilt because society tells her, constantly, that this is the bit you’re meant to cherish.

Her husband encouraged her to post a video about how she is feeling on TikTok because, he said, she won’t be the only one that feels this way.

He was right.

@aimiestoevelaar For those of you who don’t like the baby phase you’re not alone 🫶🏼😭 #newbornstruggles #parenthoodstruggles #postpartumjourney #postpartumdepresssion #aussiemum ♬ original sound – Aimie Stoevelaar | Toddler Mum

Loving Him and Not Loving This Are Two Different Things

This is the bit that matters most, so it’s worth saying clearly before anything else. She’s not saying she doesn’t love her baby. She loves her baby. But she’s holding him mid-feed and telling herself, this isn’t forever, he’ll be a toddler like his brother, he’ll sleep eventually, she won’t always be worrying about getting him to eat properly. She wants to enjoy it more. She’s just not there yet. And because this is her last baby, the guilt somehow gets worse, not better, because this is the last time she’ll experience the newborn phase, and shouldn’t she be soaking up every last second of it?

Rather than being shocked by her admission, her husband put what she was feeling into perspective. They’re active people. They love getting out and about and can’t wait to be able to do more of that with their boys. The newborn stage just isn’t their favourite bit of parenting, and that has absolutely nothing to do with whether they’re good parents.

There’s a Reason Nobody Says This Out Loud

Turns out there’s actual research on the exact pressure she’s describing. It’s sometimes referred to as the “good mother” myth. Basically, mums are expected to be endlessly devoted and to genuinely enjoy all of it, every stage, all the time. One UK study of almost 500 mums found something pretty telling. The bigger the gap between how a mum actually feels and that impossible “I should enjoy everything” version of herself, the more those mixed feelings turn into shame, and the harder it hits her mental health.

And what actually helps isn’t mums forcing themselves to enjoy it more. It’s other mums. It’s a comment section full of women who could have scrolled past and said nothing, choosing instead to say me too, I felt that, you’re not failing. That’s what breaks the silence, not willpower, not gratitude journaling, not trying harder to love a stage that’s genuinely hard. Just women showing up for each other and refusing to let one mum carry the guilt on her own.

So when a mum says the newborn bit isn’t her favourite, she’s not just sharing a preference. She’s saying the quiet part out loud.

What’s in the Comments Says a Lot Too

What’s genuinely refreshing is that there’s no pile-on here. No one telling her she’s ungrateful or doesn’t deserve this baby. Just mum after mum turning up to say, same. One said she’s never understood the newborn “bubble” everyone talks about, give her a fully formed toddler any day. Another just wrote that 0-3 months sucked, full stop, and she hasn’t slept properly in three months.

One comment stood out above the rest. A mum wrote in explaining that the newborn stage can be even more exhausting and difficult to navigate when there’s reflux, colic, or an allergy nobody’s picked up yet. Because all newborn’s do is eat, sleep, poop, and when even one of those three goes sideways, everything gets harder. Not because you’re doing it wrong. Not because baby’s difficult on purpose. Just harder. As she put it, you can’t love every moment, but you can love them through it, and love the moments that don’t suck. That’s all any of us can do.

More mums shared their own experiences. One had a baby who cried for hours a day and saw three different paediatricians who all, frustratingly, told her it was normal. A first-time mum with a three-week-old said she loves her daughter but she’s counting down the days, she misses being a wife, and she’s just waiting for it to get better.

No one in that comment section was saying that they don’t love their baby. They’re just tired, and honest, and done pretending that some days they don’t wish they could skip the newborn phase and start enjoying their child more.

You’re Allowed to Just Not Enjoy It

Some mums do love the newborn bubble, and that’s great. But if you’re reading this with a baby who won’t settle, feeling like a failure because you’re not soaking up every single second, you’re not broken. You’re one of many mums who feel exactly like this and just don’t feel comfortable to say it until someone else says it first.

And if what you’re feeling is more than just not loving this stage, if there’s a sadness that won’t lift, anxiety that feels constant, or you feel disconnected from your baby, that’s worth talking to someone about. Your GP or maternal health nurse is a good place to start, and PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) also runs a free national helpline, 1300 726 306. Reaching out doesn’t mean something is wrong with you either.

This article shares personal experiences and reader comments and isn’t medical advice. If you have concerns about your baby’s feeding, reflux or colic, speak with your GP, maternal health nurse or paediatrician.