A Special Outback Christmas
Sheila was a busy witch
Decorating her tin shack
For Christmas with her familiars
In the Australian Outback
Around the roof there hung in loops
Different coloured solar-lights.
She’d asked Big Red to put them up
As she was scared of heights.
Beneath the tree were several gifts
Tied in recycled wrapping
As the wireless sang out festive tunes
Her feet were tap-tap-tapping.
This year they had company
Hilda’d joined them for the break
She’d brought a tin of mince pies
And her home-made Christmas cake.
The bilby whistled merrily
As he took out the trash
When from nowhere, without warning
Came a loud almighty CRASH!
They opened up the front door
And were greeted with a hoof.
Santa and his reindeers
Had crashed landed on the roof.
Poor Santa hung upside-down
From the worn-out, clapped out sleigh
And a couple of his reindeers
Were in quite a sorry way.
‘Please help us down,’ the old man cried.
‘We seem to ‘ave gotten stuck!
Of all the days to break down
Crikey! This is just my luck!’
Sheila pulled her wand out
With a small flick of her wrist
They all fell from the rooftop
‘Ouch! Gentle!’ Santa hissed.
‘I’ll never get the job done now,
While all the children sleep,’
Came Santa’s voice dejectedly
From the bottom of the heap.
But something didn’t look quite right.
His white beard wasn’t real!
And he was thin, like what he needed
Was a proper home-cooked meal.
The witches were not silly
It was clear to them of course,
That this was an imposter,
Not the real Santa Claus!
The witches looked him over
Then checked him once again
‘There’s clearly something,’ Hilda said
‘That you need to explain.’
And don’t you come the raw prawn.
It’s pointless to deny it.
That sleigh isn’t yours, is it?
You couldn’t even fly it!’
‘I’d really rather not,’ he said
In a tiny feeble voice.
‘If you want us to help you,
I don’t think you have a choice.’
‘The real Santa’s getting old
And his body’s growing weary
So he’s taken on apprentices
Which is well and good in theory.’
‘He hires out the costumes.
Supplies reindeers and a sleigh.
Pays our fees for Santa-school
Then sends us on our way.’
‘The elves are still responsible
For manufacturing the toys.
And Santa says which kids get what,
We’re just delivery boys!’
‘Now almost every country
Has a Santa of its own
And all of us are dressed to look
Just like a Santa clone.’
‘Fair dinkum – What will happen?
Who’ll deliver all these toys?
I’ll be a disappointment
To the Aussie girls and boys.’
The reindeers were all injured
And the sleigh was split in two
‘We’ll have to help the poor man,’
Said the witch’s kangaroo.
‘Of course we’ll need some magic dust
And we’ll borrow Hilda’s ute.
The children never need to know
If you wear Santa’s suit.’
‘I suppose that I will have to go.’
Said Sheila to her crony.
“Those clothes will never fit you.
You’re far too small and boney.’
Sheila didn’t like the thought
Of all the children crying.
But it meant that she would have to face
And beat her fear of flying.
Santa could not believe it.
‘I don’t know what to say.
Here, help me load the ute up.
Put the presents in the tray.’
Sheila smiled nervously
At her unexpected guest.
And despite her fear of flying
Vowed to do her very best.
‘We wish you a safe journey.’
Called Santa and the gang
As the ute took off into the sky
With it’s usual PHUT-PHUT-BANG!
So the Outback witch saved Christmas
With her mate, the kangaroo
She delivered all the presents
So she must have come to you.
To show his thanks, ‘our’ Santa
Cooked the witches Christmas dinner.
After such a busy night they’d felt
At least three kilo’s thinner!
Big Red said they’d had a ball
And they all agreed it was
Remarkable that in one night
They’d managed to fly ‘round Oz!
It was a cracking dinner,
(Though the turkey was too dry)
And Sheila told the others
How she’d been too scared to fly.
‘I might take the ute out
For one last final spin,’
Said Sheila wiping gravy
From off her second chin.
Now every year at Christmas
Sheila laughs when she looks back
To the year that she saved Christmas
And rescued Santa from the sack.
So if you should see Santa
And something’s not quite right
Cast your mind back to the witches
And what happened on that night.
If he has a funny beard
Or no hair on his top lip
He’s probably on his training
For a Sant-a-pprenticeship!