The Real Housewives of Melbourne – Episode 4

Just when you thought Gina was taking a back seat during this series of Housewives out she comes, blazing with enough shimmer eye shadow to sink a ship! She’s invited Janet for a little tete a tete to clear up those Gamble rumours.

Poor Janet came in expecting a bit of fun and got a full interrogation from Barrister Liano. Gina wanted to know why Janet felt the need to spread rumours about Gamble and Janet just felt the need to get out of there. Which she did. But not before attempting to recreate a classic line from last season that Gina threw at her. Unfortunately, Janet didn’t manage to execute the line half as well as Gina did!

Bruce and Chyka are working on an exciting project for a very high profile client, Mr. Everywhere Eddie McGuire. We see the three of them in their hard hats and high vis vests checking out the location for this new venue for the Collingwood Football Club. It’s prime real estate in Melbourne, right on the Yarra opposite the tennis centre and MCG. Eddie jokingly says he wants to call it the McGuire Centre but luckily they agree that The Glasshouse has a classier ring to it. I’m not too sure what Chyka and Bruce’s role is with this new centre but whatever it is, it’s sure to be fabulous!

Next up we see Janet and Jackie walking around Emporium acting like they’re shooting a commercial for the new retail centre. In fact Janet mentions that she just picked up her fabulous coat downstairs at some Gucci, Pucci, Prada boutique. Can you say product placement?

The ladies enter a preppy looking store and begin looking for their outfit. Jackie asks Janet what the dress code is for golfing and is mortified to say the least by her responses. Janet reels off the rules- No denim, no short shorts and you must wear long socks. Jackie’s reaction to this is not much different to mine when I discover I’m attending a dry wedding.

Gina Liano has hired one of the creepiest, flirtiest photographers to shoot her for an upcoming book cover. Maurice, is a Playboy photographer and has been hired to take the photos because as Gina says – he knows how to make a woman feel comfortable. I beg to differ Gina. Those shots of you lying awkwardly on his prized Torana, made you look about as comfortable as a buffalo balancing on a toothpick. Just saying.

When Chyka and Bruce aren’t talking venues with Eddie McGuire they’re busy opening Pop Up bars called Club 74. A cute little whiskey bar with no La Mascara in sight.

Jackie, Ben, Chyka and Bruce are all gathered round sharing a charcuterie platter, which actually translates to carcass plate in English. The sight of all this dead meat brings back memories for Jackie of her Euro father smoking his own prosciutto in their back yard. You know what they say…you can take the girl out of Croatia but you can’t take away her love of smoked meat!

The ladies have all organised a day of golfing because lets face it, what else are they going to do? Jackie and Janet decide to bypass Frankton all together and take the chopper to the Peninsula Golf course. It’s actually called Moonah Links which is just one letter away from having a very different meaning in Greek.

Which brings me to Gamble’s golfing outfit. All I can say is she really took a gamble with this one and LOST big time. She looks like she’s a 60’s love child with her short shorts and long socks.

Chyka who is the QUEEN of dress codes looks immaculate in her preppy blazer and slacks. But my question is – how does her hair not move one iota in that gale force wind while all the other ladies are holding onto their outfits for dear life?! It’s baffling and extraordinary at the same time. What else is extraordinary is Gina’s inability to part with her plunging necklines and sparkly dresses. Using the excuse of having a TV appearance to go to, she rocks up for golf looking like pageant Barbie in her bedazzled pink number. But that’s not the best part! The best is when she has to wear FLAT shoes to play golf. Yes, flat shoes! Gina feels so uncomfortable wearing those hideous golf shoes with her ball gown that she’s actually walking on tippy toes! I seriously don’t know which lady looks worse- Gamble who looks like a baby giraffe in hot pants or Gina dressed in her Thriller leather jacket and flat white golf shoes!

Who do you think has the best golf outfit?

The girls all have a go at hitting the ball and looking ridiculous at the same time. Janet managed to miss it, Chyka hit it, Jackie dug a hole and Gina lost the club altogether!

Jackie was the most entertaining and best dressed in my opinion. She couldn’t hit the ball to save her life, but boy did she give it a go!

And as for Gamble, well I’ll just leave you with her words, “I’ve always wanted to get a hole in one but I don’t think I’ll get it in golf.”

Don’t you just love when they give you a line like that all by themselves?!

This episode had no Lydia as she was in Italy for her son’s wedding and no Pettifleur as she was busy writing her next book – How to Twerk While Going Commando.

The ladies though all had a positive day golfing with lots of apologies and hugs all round. Janet apologised to Gamble for calling her a stripper. Gamble apologised to Janet for saying she sold her body for heroin. And Gina apologised to drag queens everywhere for stealing their look.

So for the time being, there is peace in this jungle of wild animals and Alex Perry dresses. But for how long, will this love fest last? Stay tuned for the next instalment, when we see exactly what Lydia has brought back from her travels and why it’s made her cry!

Image source: Twitter: @RHOMelbourne

Watch Real Housewives of Melbourne on Arena on Sundays 8.30PM EDT

Author: Chrystal Psaltopoulos Mother of twins, loving wife and vintage tragic. A child of the 80s who loves pop culture, Danish design and vegemite toast with honey. Loves fashion, reading autobiographies and has a knack for turning trash to treasure. Chrystal’s honest reflections are an insight into her colourful and at times crazy world. You can follow her blog at chrystalovevintage.wordpress.com